This isn't my goodbye note.
6 months was all I lasted.
I haven't had any breakfast and I had a pretty light early dinner last night. I don't plan on taking anything besides SN from IC. This wasn't my first choice but the struggle of obtaining meto and everything else needed for a "peaceful" exit was just starting to make things less peaceful so that option isn't Available for me, and before people comment saying "you could always wait" I know I can. But feeling the way that I do can't wait for much longer.
I have no plan nor do i plan on following a guide.
I think one of 2 things will most likely happen:
1)I keep updating as much as I can for the sole purpose of making sure this is as well documented for others as I can make it.
2) I don't update at all out of fear of potentially calling for help.
I know the risks and history of those who attempted something similar however I genuinely believe that if I get enough sn in my body and manage to hold it in it should be enough for a peaceful exit.
I'll have my music in the background, my Apple Watch on so that I can keep track of my hearts bpm, my doggo will be in his crate fed and with water in case it takes a while for me to be found, I wish he could be with me laying down but given that he's my ESA I know he'll try to help and I don't want him getting hurt. I'll try to send some delayed emails maybe a few hours after to my local police department in hopes that they can be the first on scene. I'll leave my family's contact info next to me so hopefully they can contact them only after my body's been removed.
I'm honestly just trying to spare them and anyone else non EMS as much trauma as possible.
either way, thank you to SS for providing a safe place that otherwise wouldn't be found IRL.
I've left voice recordings to those I feel will actually listen to them. To everyone else I'm sorry.
*my SI has been pretty high since I started writing this but hopefully it goes back down soon.
-CK
6 months was all I lasted.
I haven't had any breakfast and I had a pretty light early dinner last night. I don't plan on taking anything besides SN from IC. This wasn't my first choice but the struggle of obtaining meto and everything else needed for a "peaceful" exit was just starting to make things less peaceful so that option isn't Available for me, and before people comment saying "you could always wait" I know I can. But feeling the way that I do can't wait for much longer.
I have no plan nor do i plan on following a guide.
I think one of 2 things will most likely happen:
1)I keep updating as much as I can for the sole purpose of making sure this is as well documented for others as I can make it.
2) I don't update at all out of fear of potentially calling for help.
I know the risks and history of those who attempted something similar however I genuinely believe that if I get enough sn in my body and manage to hold it in it should be enough for a peaceful exit.
I'll have my music in the background, my Apple Watch on so that I can keep track of my hearts bpm, my doggo will be in his crate fed and with water in case it takes a while for me to be found, I wish he could be with me laying down but given that he's my ESA I know he'll try to help and I don't want him getting hurt. I'll try to send some delayed emails maybe a few hours after to my local police department in hopes that they can be the first on scene. I'll leave my family's contact info next to me so hopefully they can contact them only after my body's been removed.
I'm honestly just trying to spare them and anyone else non EMS as much trauma as possible.
either way, thank you to SS for providing a safe place that otherwise wouldn't be found IRL.
I've left voice recordings to those I feel will actually listen to them. To everyone else I'm sorry.
*my SI has been pretty high since I started writing this but hopefully it goes back down soon.
-CK
