Venting I think I'm getting to the point where I can't progress with life any further

[ijustwishtodie]

It actually baffles me as to people progress in life. I know I don't have the same skills as them to do the same. Many people are able to go through school, college, university, work etc. Whilst I was able to get through school, college and the first year of university with relative ease, I think that my progress stops here with the second year of university. Don't say that I'm being incorrect about my assessment as I know myself best. This genuinely is it for me.

I'm scared for the future because I know that I don't have it in me to continue through life. If I stay alive, things will get substantially worse as I'll fail my university course and subsequently get abused by family for it. Just to clarify, this isn't only about university, it's about everything ahead of me from now. The thing with life is that the amount of hardship and effort required from the average human increases the more we age because that's how humanity's arbitrary system operates like.

I'm scared and I can't get rid of the panic attacks that I'm getting when thinking about the future. I was never meant to be a human. In fact, I never even wanted to go through school or college or university. I have no passions in anything and I've always wanted to be lazy. I have been lazy so far with no consequences but being lazy from now on will punish me tremendously and I hate that.

I don't get why people assume that everybody is meant for life. It's obvious that isn't the case and it's obvious that I'm not one of them due to my neurotype. Either way, even if I could progress through life, I don't want to since life isn't worth the effort.

I just wish that there was a way to ease my pain. The only way I know of is death but I'm too scared to kill myself via a brutal suicide method and I also don't have many opportunities to kill myself either

 

[Adûnâi]

I guess, the only upside would be AGI singularity.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I guess, the only upside would be AGI singularity.

I guess so too but I don't think that I can wait for that long. I want to escape existence asap and I can't rely on AGI singularity to make things better for me

 

[brokeandbroken]

It actually baffles me as to people progress in life. I know I don't have the same skills as them to do the same. Many people are able to go through school, college, university, work etc. Whilst I was able to get through school, college and the first year of university with relative ease, I think that my progress stops here with the second year of university. Don't say that I'm being incorrect about my assessment as I know myself best. This genuinely is it for me.

I'm scared for the future because I know that I don't have it in me to continue through life. If I stay alive, things will get substantially worse as I'll fail my university course and subsequently get abused by family for it. Just to clarify, this isn't only about university, it's about everything ahead of me from now. The thing with life is that the amount of hardship and effort required from the average human increases the more we age because that's how humanity's arbitrary system operates like.

I'm scared and I can't get rid of the panic attacks that I'm getting when thinking about the future. I was never meant to be a human. In fact, I never even wanted to go through school or college or university. I have no passions in anything and I've always wanted to be lazy. I have been lazy so far with no consequences but being lazy from now on will punish me tremendously and I hate that.

I don't get why people assume that everybody is meant for life. It's obvious that isn't the case and it's obvious that I'm not one of them due to my neurotype. Either way, even if I could progress through life, I don't want to since life isn't worth the effort.

I just wish that there was a way to ease my pain. The only way I know of is death but I'm too scared to kill myself via a brutal suicide method and I also don't have many opportunities to kill myself either

I can but I've been robbed literally of all opportunities and future. So I'm involuntarily stuck. Just left with a bullshit shitty fucking life because people fucking suck. So I know how it is.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I can but I've been robbed literally of all opportunities and future. So I'm involuntarily stuck. Just left with a bullshit shitty fucking life because people fucking suck. So I know how it is.

In my case, I never even wanted opportunities or a future in the first place. It's so unfair that I'm forced to do things because I'm alive. I hate life so much and I'm going through so much mental pain thinking about the future

 

[brokeandbroken]

In my case, I never even wanted opportunities or a future in the first place. It's so unfair that I'm forced to do things because I'm alive. I hate life so much and I'm going through so much mental pain thinking about the future

I can't relate sorry. I always did and it was just taken from me. I'm tempted to say mine is worse because of a) effort put in b) that fire still being there but just not having means/opportunity. But honestly yours sounds shitty too. I'm sorry. I hope you find peace.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I can't relate sorry. I always did and it was just taken from me. I'm tempted to say mine is worse because of a) effort put in b) that fire still being there but just not having means/opportunity. But honestly yours sounds shitty too. I'm sorry. I hope you find peace.

Ima be honest, I don't really care about whose situation is worse. I only made my thread to vent about the cruelty of life towards me, not to compare myself with others

 

[nembutal]

i'm doing fairly well NEETing at my parents place. this is my plan until i inevitably OD unless i am ever able to fund moving out. you should try it before quitting

 

[LaVieEnRose]

My life has been over for years for all intents and purposes and I'm still struggling go exit.

 

[Bleh61]

I can certainly empathize with you. I struggled in high school, not because I wasn't smart, but because my home life was a mess. Living with a mother with severe emotional trauma (vivd, horrible nightmares almost every night) and a father who was emotionally distant was hard. What was worse was the physical and emotional abuse that my brother heaped on me.

You stated that if you quit school, your family will abuse you. I assume that means that they will treat you poorly. It really sounds like you've been through a lot, but from what I can gather, you are still fairly young. I struggled for years. I bombed out of 2 high schools and had to get a GED. I was unable to find a job because I didn't believe in myself. It took a long time and the death of first my father, and then, my mother for me to move forward. I spent over 12 years in therapy. I was able to find a good Psychologist. She was the one who diagnosed me with CPTSD. I made slow but steady progress, and actually got to the recovery phase(thank you covid for ruining that). It really sounds like you are living in a toxic enviroment. Living in a toxic family is the emotional equivilant of living near a toxic waste site. It messes with you head.

It actually baffles me as to people progress in life. I know I don't have the same skills as them to do the same. Many people are able to go through school, college, university, work etc. Whilst I was able to get through school, college and the first year of university with relative ease, I think that my progress stops here with the second year of university. Don't say that I'm being incorrect about my assessment as I know myself best. This genuinely is it for me.

I'm scared for the future because I know that I don't have it in me to continue through life. If I stay alive, things will get substantially worse as I'll fail my university course and subsequently get abused by family for it. Just to clarify, this isn't only about university, it's about everything ahead of me from now. The thing with life is that the amount of hardship and effort required from the average human increases the more we age because that's how humanity's arbitrary system operates like.

I'm scared and I can't get rid of the panic attacks that I'm getting when thinking about the future. I was never meant to be a human. In fact, I never even wanted to go through school or college or university. I have no passions in anything and I've always wanted to be lazy. I have been lazy so far with no consequences but being lazy from now on will punish me tremendously and I hate that.

I don't get why people assume that everybody is meant for life. It's obvious that isn't the case and it's obvious that I'm not one of them due to my neurotype. Either way, even if I could progress through life, I don't want to since life isn't worth the effort.

I just wish that there was a way to ease my pain. The only way I know of is death but I'm too scared to kill myself via a brutal suicide method and I also don't have many opportunities to kill myself either

I would strongly advise you to reach out to a therapist or a school counselor. When we are living with trauma and depression, we don't see ourselves as others (not including your family) see us.
It's like looking at yourself through a funhouse mirror. Let me know if you want to chat.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Ima be honest, I don't really care about whose situation is worse. I only made my thread to vent about the cruelty of life towards me, not to compare myself with others

Fair enough. That's a good attitude to have. Sorry if I came across as a dick. It wasn't my intention.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I hear you. I have never been passionate about anything whether hobbies or career. Doing the same thing day after day just to get through life. Sometimes I don't know if it's because I'm naturally lazy or am I lazy because I'm depressed? I have always felt I am not wired right compared to other people I am just not cut out for this world.

 

[Hollowman]

My life has been over for years for all intents and purposes and I'm still struggling go exit.

same here

 

[ijustwishtodie]

i'm doing fairly well NEETing at my parents place. this is my plan until i inevitably OD unless i am ever able to fund moving out. you should try it before quitting

I wish I could be a neet and be lazy but unfortunately I don't have that privilege as I'm forced to go through with university and I'll also be forced to do a job as well if I stay alive. I envy neets so much and I wish I could be in their position

It really sounds like you are living in a toxic enviroment. Living in a toxic family is the emotional equivilant of living near a toxic waste site. It messes with you head.

I would strongly advise you to reach out to a therapist or a school counselor. When we are living with trauma and depression, we don't see ourselves as others (not including your family) see us.
It's like looking at yourself through a funhouse mirror. Let me know if you want to chat.

I'm not living in a toxic environment. My parents aren't being toxic or cruel; they're just doing exactly what society is telling them to do. They don't have any malice and they truly do want the best for me but the issue is that normies can't understand that I don't want life itself. My parents are massive NPC normies. What is cruel is society forcing me to do things that I don't want to do.

Also, please don't give me any advice, I don't like it. If I wanted advice and help, I'd be posting in the recovery section, not here. I'm here to get away from any advice that's pro life. I don't care about how my family sees me; I only care about how I'm forced to do stuff that I don't want to do.

I hear you. I have never been passionate about anything whether hobbies or career. Doing the same thing day after day just to get through life. Sometimes I don't know if it's because I'm naturally lazy or am I lazy because I'm depressed? I have always felt I am not wired right compared to other people I am just not cut out for this world.

Omg I relate to you so much. Seeing your words slightly put me at ease as I always felt like I was the only one in life who never really had any passions with anything. In fact, for a very long time, I didn't even understand that I didn't have any passions at all as the only thing I saw around me were people who enjoyed something. Even suicidal people seemed to enjoy something whether that be music or TV shows or whatever. However, I'm an exception. I only really do things relating to escapism to pass the time, not because I enjoy doing it. I only understood myself more once I started using this site as few people here (not many but a few) are similar to me. In my case, I'm naturally lazy and I'm depressed because I can't be lazy.

I don't know why pro lifers can't acknowledge that some of us clearly aren't meant for life. It baffles me. There are 8 billion people so statistically there must be some people who aren't meant for life or those who enjoy nothing at all regarding life