socrates
I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.
- Dec 3, 2019
- 270
I'm just so tired. I'm looking at a bunch of expensive dental treatments that I don't want to do. And I don't have anything to live for. Sure I have a dream, but the chanced of it happening are slim to none, and I don't even know if It's what's best for me. I have guilt and regret up to my eye balls. I have severe anxiety and depression with mild agoraphobia. No job, no car can't drive. I'm 25 and I see where my life is going and I don't like it. The writing is on the wall and I don't like it. And then I just hate humanity. If you go online for help people will sell you all kinds of false hope. WTF is wrong with these people! People are suffering and all you see is dollar signs. It's in all parts of life. And in my eyes traditional medicine and alternative medicine are all the same. There just out make money, fuck their patients! Fuck ethics.
As much as I want to CTB, I have a hard time believing I could pull it off. It may seemed messed up, but I kinda wish I had a friend like Conrad Roy. She was a monster, but I fear with out a push I won't do it. If I don't do it soon I might not be able to do it ever. I'm thinking about using the Nitrogen exit bag. It looks like I can get everything I need online and I have some money stored up, but like I said I don't have much time. Part of me thinks I'm over reacting, but the rest of me just can't go on.
Then of-course you have fear of death. I think I want to be reincarnated and join my bigger self. Only problem with that is what if you get a shittier life in the next one. If death is final then life is just a mean prank, and I'm glad I didn't bring anyone else into this hell scape we call earth.
As much as I want to CTB, I have a hard time believing I could pull it off. It may seemed messed up, but I kinda wish I had a friend like Conrad Roy. She was a monster, but I fear with out a push I won't do it. If I don't do it soon I might not be able to do it ever. I'm thinking about using the Nitrogen exit bag. It looks like I can get everything I need online and I have some money stored up, but like I said I don't have much time. Part of me thinks I'm over reacting, but the rest of me just can't go on.
Then of-course you have fear of death. I think I want to be reincarnated and join my bigger self. Only problem with that is what if you get a shittier life in the next one. If death is final then life is just a mean prank, and I'm glad I didn't bring anyone else into this hell scape we call earth.