Venting i think i'm depressed again

[synthcadia]

depression is caused my triggers, and i can usually discern what triggered my depression.

i started feeling "meh" 4th of july when i realized that i didn't have plans. no one invited me anywhere. i was at home, as i always am. and i didn't make plans either, because i was so busy. and i felt lonely. and sad.

and it just got worse from there.

rn, i am losing my shit. if i could, i'd order sn or find out how to get it so i could take it if shit hits the bed.

i mean i'm a fucking loser, i spend most of my time on the computer, playing dating sims, or watching tv. i mean i hang out with family, i text my bff and friends when i can. but i'm lonely. and it sucks.

i want to binge drink, binge eat, throw that up, spend all of my money, and then burn the world, and then die. that's how i feel right now.

and i feel like i have no life. i work and then hang out when i can. but like last semester i was working constantly. it was awful.

and yet the moon is so pretty...

 

[feder]

That's awful to hear, you don't have friends, or is it that they don't invite you? Spending time at home is not a bad thing if you enjoy it, but if you want to go out with people, it sucks.
That doesn't mean you are a loser though maybe you can try to make some now friends or reconnect with old ones( i know it's hard if you have social anxiety). If your life is just work home work home it's easy to fall into a pit of sadness, maybe you can try going out in nature even if you are alone it might help you a bit.

The moon is amazing, I love looking at it as well, gives me a sense of comfort, it's just so beautiful.
Wishing you the best!

 

[synthcadia]

i have friends, but they live in another state or another country. and with timezones and schedules and stuff it's harder to do stuff. i am trying to pull myself out of the hole. it's hard.

it's like i don't really have the motivation.

i could start by fixing my sleep….

and thank you for your reply

 

[アホペンギン]

It's regrettable that you have to go through all of this. I feel quite similar to how you explained how you felt. If you want, i can send you a source for SN. I don't want you to go through this anymore, it sounds awful.

 

[synthcadia]

It's regrettable that you have to go through all of this. I feel quite similar to how you explained how you felt. If you want, i can send you a source for SN. I don't want you to go through this anymore, it sounds awful.

thank you.