So I have been struggling with suicidal ideations and self harm tendencies since I was kid, over the years I've tried to get help and go to therapy/counselors, psychiatrist and etc… I've been diagnosed with a laundry list of stuff and we've got it narrowed to a treatment plan that has helped for the most part and my current diagnosis's make sense. The problem I'm having is I still wanna die because I feel like I've fucked everything up time and time again and I'll continue doing so while never finding stability, safety, support or people who will understand that I'm not ok… I have gaps in my memory, just places where I can't account for the time I lost yet I'm told about all of the stupid shit I've done and I take the punishments as they come most of the time. I'm at risk of getting criminal charges for some of these most of which happened when I still was in school living with my grandparents. But I don't know if I can live with myself with a lot of the issues I currently face and struggle with.
So, my plan is to do charcoal burning, I just don't know if there's a better type of charcoal or if there's a certain amount I should use for a guarantee. I plan on setting it up in my room and sealing myself off so I can just get really high and lay in my bed until it's over. Out of all my attempts over the years I just need this one to work…
So, my plan is to do charcoal burning, I just don't know if there's a better type of charcoal or if there's a certain amount I should use for a guarantee. I plan on setting it up in my room and sealing myself off so I can just get really high and lay in my bed until it's over. Out of all my attempts over the years I just need this one to work…
