T
tulip0214
Member
- May 9, 2021
- 7
I don't know where else to say this, so prepare for a kinda rant. I'm not happy in my life at the moment, nothing is how I anticipated things, and I genuinely can no longer picture a future for me, and don't think i want one. I have attempted an overdose once before however, it was unsuccessful and I was taken to hospital. I regularly self harm as a coping mechanism, and have a plethora of suicide notes I've made but never had the courage to go through with it at that point. There are lots of events in the future I am excited for, but I can't see a way for me to keep going until those events, and everything I might look forward to is in other peoples lives, not my own. I have an amazing family, and a younger sister, and I know that if I was to 'catch the bus' it would destroy her, and I genuinely would never want to do anything to hurt her. My friends as well would feel so guilty, and my best friend knows quite a bit about everything, and he felt terrible after I told him about my attempt, I don't think he'd be okay if I wasn't around, and once again I love him and dont want to hurt him, but I can't see how I can keep going at the moment. I am not really living my life, I am just surviving enough for other people, and that is not enjoyable. I know how I would do it next time, to be successful, I just dont know if I have the courage, or if I am selfish enough to destroy the lives of those around me.