I think I want to ctb tonight

[MissNietzsche]

I did the same thing in my last post to a guy who was objectively perfect for me, and he knew it was me and now doesn't want anything to do with me.

I'm going to be fat and lonely forever.

I have my SN and meto..but I binge ate earlier today..does anyone know if I can just throw up my food? I'm bulimic so I can do that.

I'm so done with life.

 

[noonetoo]

Where in SoCal are you located?

 

[ThingWithFeathers]

Not a great idea to take this irreversible step on an impulse. You'd rather calm down, sort out your affairs and think this through. We are here if you would like to vent out instead. *hugs*

 

[oopswronglife]

If someone is objectively perfect for you, then they would be with you. You are stuck on a fantasy ideal of a person and giving them that power over your life. They are not this person even if you won't admit it. It's a common thing humans do and we want to be loved so much we have all done it at some point. But it's not rational. It's not true.

Being fat, if you even are, is a solvable problem. It's not impossible or insurmountable to cure entirely. Even a disabled person in a wheelchair can lose weight by simply eating better. It's a choice, not an affliction. Lonely is a harder problem to tackle because so many people are selfish, ego driven narcissists and the pool of decent people out there to befriend and be loved by isn't the majority...but again not an unsolvable problem. You can choose to socialize and rule people in and out based on their behavior. I know it's uncomfortable, and can be limited by where you are etc, but it's not cancer. It's not a terminal illness. It's not a missing limb. It can grow back.

I think your life is your life and you can end it for any reason you choose, but that doesn't mean it makes sense to do so. It's a shame to see people ctb over things that aren't permanent or unsolvable but that they are just pretending are those things because it's easier.

Then again you probably shouldn't listen to me because I am more and more convinced this is all a giant prank on me and you are all in on it like the Truman show. But then again, again, within the rules of the show my advice stands. I am going to try and find a sailboat now so I can get to the wall.

*To put my post in context...the original post didn't mention bulemia...that was added in an edit. That's obviously a little different than just "fat"...which is a simple to solve issue.

 

[MissNietzsche]

Where in SoCal are you located?

can I PM you it?

 

[Ame]

This post has taken a drastic shift in tone compared to the post you've made in your previous topic on you ex-boyfriend. If you are in distress I would suggest avoiding making any serious decisions and doing nothing until your feelings taper off to levels that are more manageable for you. Are you up for talking at all? Would you like to maybe discuss this with me over chat? If not me, then maybe try reaching out to someone who you feel comfortable with. Please hang in there!

 

[MissNietzsche]

This post has taken a drastic shift in tone compared to the post you've made in your previous topic on you ex-boyfriend. If you are in distress I would suggest avoiding making any serious decisions and doing nothing until your feelings taper off to levels that are more manageable for you. Are you up for talking at all? Would you like to maybe discuss this with me over chat? If not me, then maybe try reaching out to someone who you feel comfortable with. Please hang in there!

I'm in extreme distress..this is the kind of thing that'll push me over the edge.. I've been putting off ctb'ing..but I can definitely see myself doing it tonight. I have no one to talk to, but I might be up for chatting with you..I just can't promise I will be consistent >.<

I'm going to go purge my food too rn so I have room for the potential SN..and perhaps shower..I don't want to die when I haven't showered in 3-4 days. I reek even still alive

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

You are going to ctb because you are fat and lonely? Your problems are not permanent. I know this is a pro choice forum but your problems have solution. Just try.

 

[OreoWellington]

Hugs.

 

[MeltingHeart]

What do u mean f

If someone is objectively perfect for you, then they would be with you. You are stuck on a fantasy ideal of a person and giving them that power over your life. They are not this person even if you won't admit it. It's a common thing humans do and we want to be loved so much we have all done it at some point. But it's not rational. It's not true.

Being fat, if you even are, is a solvable problem. It's not impossible or insurmountable to cure entirely. Even a disabled person in a wheelchair can lose weight by simply eating better. It's a choice, not an affliction. Lonely is a harder problem to tackle because so many people are selfish, ego driven narcissists and the pool of decent people out there to befriend and be loved by isn't the majority...but again not an unsolvable problem. You can choose to socialize and rule people in and out based on their behavior. I know it's uncomfortable, and can be limited by where you are etc, but it's not cancer. It's not a terminal illness. It's not a missing limb. It can grow back.

I think your life is your life and you can end it for any reason you choose, but that doesn't mean it makes sense to do so. It's a shame to see people ctb over things that aren't permanent or unsolvable but that they are just pretending are those things because it's easier.

Then again you probably shouldn't listen to me because I am more and more convinced this is all a giant prank on me and you are all in on it like the Truman show. But then again, again, within the rules of the show my advice stands. I am going to try and find a sailboat now so I can get to the wall.

What do u mean feeling like a giant prank?! I only ask because sometimes I feel the same

 

[oopswronglife]

What do u mean f

What do u mean feeling like a giant prank?! I only ask because sometimes I feel the same

I don't want to hijack her post. I made a post about it not long ago in offtopic titled "I think I am going crazy".

 

[MissNietzsche]

Sorry guys..I'm going to purge as much food as I can rn so that I can give my stomach as much time as possible to empty. Then I will shower and read al your posts after that.

Also, I have binge eating disorder. It's plagued my life since I was 12. It's not that simple. I'm a dietetics major and was almost underweight a year ago. It's not that simple at all...I'm so freaking sick and tired of BED

 

[noonetoo]

It's not nice to tell people their personal reasons for wanting to die aren't valid enough. Her reason doesn't have to make sense to YOU.

I've been bulimic, I've felt lonely a lot of the time and feel very overweight. Even when I was thin at a point, the mental thoughts of hating your body don't go away. I gained my weight back and they're still here.
Your reason is valid and so are your feelings. We're here for you, just had to drive home and eat dinner. You don't have to feel alone <3

 

[MissNietzsche]

It's not nice to tell people their personal reasons for wanting to die aren't valid enough. Her reason doesn't have to make sense to YOU.

I've been bulimic, I've felt lonely a lot of the time and feel very overweight. Even when I was thin at a point, the mental thoughts of hating your body don't go away. I gained my weight back and they're still here.
Your reason is valid and so are your feelings. We're here for you, just had to drive home and eat dinner. You don't have to feel alone <3

Thank you for this..your story is pretty much the same as mine. Even when I was 105 pounds, I thought I was fat. And I've thought I was ugly even before my eating disorder. I just want the thoughts to go away..I gained all my weight back because I thought I was so fat too

My ED is stronger than my depression. It's NEVER been in remission.

 

[oopswronglife]

It's not nice to tell people their personal reasons for wanting to die aren't valid enough. Her reason doesn't have to make sense to YOU.

I've been bulimic, I've felt lonely a lot of the time and feel very overweight. Even when I was thin at a point, the mental thoughts of hating your body don't go away. I gained my weight back and they're still here.
Your reason is valid and so are your feelings. We're here for you, just had to drive home and eat dinner. You don't have to feel alone <3

I didn't say her feelings were not valid...in fact I made it clear people CAN ctb for whatever reason they want. Doesn't make it sensible or that everyone should just say "adios" and never try and help people find ways out of the muck. It would be pretty heartless to not TRY and help people solve actually solvable problems wouldn't it? The bulemic part also wasn't there initially or if it was more than once person missed it...I am pretty sure it just said "fat and lonely" which is another thing than bulemic. So you are criticizing people after an edit that changes the context. Bulemia is a harder nut to crack for sure.

 

[MissNietzsche]

I'm done showering, but my cat is freaking purring on top of me..I don't wanna break her heart

I couldn't purge all my food, but the food that I did purge tasted like stomach acid, so there isn't a tonnnnn in there. Probably will have to wait a couple hours until it empties.

I'm talking to this dude right now, and he says he might still want to be friends and help me, but if it doesn't go well, I'm taking my stat dose and SN'ing tonight. I don't care..well, I care about my cat...ughhhh, I wish my cat loved someone else aside of me because she makes this so freaking difficult. If she didn't exist, it would be soooo much easier to say goodbye to this world. I would have virtually no attachments (only my mom and perhaps my sisters, but meh)
My mother tells me that sometimes, when I'm in my room and don't come out, my sisters and her worry that I'm dead. It will be so sad for their fears to actually become reality

 

[oopswronglife]

I'm talking to this dude right now, and he says he might still want to be friends and help me, but if it doesn't go well, I'm taking my stat dose and SN'ing tonight.

CTB in crisis is never a good idea. it's when you make bad decisions and mistakes. You aren't thinking clearly in general right now and owe it to yourself to make such important decisions with your full mind. Also don't give some guy this power over you. Someone who is jerking you around isn't worth your time, let alone your life. You have value beyond what someone like that thinks or does.

 

[noonetoo]

I didn't say her feelings were not valid...in fact I made it clear people CAN ctb for whatever reason they want. Doesn't make it sensible or that everyone should just say "adios" and never try and help people find ways out of the muck. It would be pretty heartless to not TRY and help people solve actually solvable problems wouldn't it? The bulemic part also wasn't there initially or if it was more than once person missed it...I am pretty sure it just said "fat and lonely" which is another thing than bulemic. So you are criticizing people after an edit that changes the context. Bulemia is a harder nut to crack for sure.

Exactly, you're saying it doesn't "MAKE SENSE", it doesn't have to make sense to you but it makes sense to those of us that can relate. I'm not saying it's wrong to try to talk someone out of it. It's the way you do it and how you say it that is giving a negative tone. At least try to be supportive in a positive way instead of making people feel worse of themselves for how their feeling and their reasons. You could be Nicer. Simple.

 

[Stan]

Nobody can tell you what to do, one of the principles of a pro-choice board. I do agree with the opinion that doing things when your mind is not totally focused is not the best way. What you can do tonight, you can also do tomorrow. You have the means, you have the method and you have the desire. You are in complete control.

What you wrote about yourself shows you are in great distress. Wish there was something we could do or say to reduce that. Just know you have support here. Vent a little or a lot. Interact with the members. Hopefully they way you are feeling now will subside a little and you can make a decision when things are a little clearer.

 

[MissNietzsche]

CTB in crisis is never a good idea. it's when you make bad decisions and mistakes. You aren't thinking clearly in general right now and owe it to yourself to make such important decisions with your full mind. Also don't give some guy this power over you. Someone who is jerking you around isn't worth your time, let alone your life. You have value beyond what someone like that thinks or does.

It's my fault for jerking around on him though..I shouldn't have texted him from a fake number..especially knowing that he doesn't normally put up with that BS

 

[PaYo]

hi sw33theart, are you sleeping right now? Its night out here in PL.Sory for ur EX. We have such a saying in poland, there are People and Stools. So getover him. Pls, dont kill urself BC of some duche.

Pls, send me a PM i want to talk with you

 

[MissNietzsche]

hi sw33theart, are you sleeping right now? Its night out here in PL.Sory for ur EX. We have such a saying in poland, there are People and Stools. So getover him. Pls, dont kill urself BC of some duche.

Pls, send me a PM i want to talk with you

Hello no, it's only 9 pm here..I think I'm gonna take a test meto pill to see how it effects me.

my ex was definitely a stool..but this guy..not to much..I've never met anyone as compatible as him to me.

And thanks

 

[PaYo]

Weellll ten years i would say I am compatibile with you. Right now im not even compatibile with myself. I hate my mind and what i have become. I have my SN and its waiting for me. But i have a plan how to become a milionaire so if it will work, i might come to you for an ice cream hehe. But yeah, if it wont work out im gonna kill myself.


how do you think would you still want to kill yourself if you had one million?

 

[MissNietzsche]

Took a meto pill..we'll see how this affects me

also watching my favorite Rick and Morty episode when he attempts suicide

 

[oopswronglife]

At least try to be supportive in a positive way instead of making people feel worse of themselves for how their feeling and their reasons. You could be Nicer. Simple.

I was quite supportive and you are just looking for a fight and making more out of what I said than is there. Stuff like this is why I don't comment much anymore. Always someone in the threads trying to posture and position and complain. My fault for thinking anything had changed. You've spent more time here admonishing people than supporting her yourself...so maybe think about that. I will leave it to you and bow out.

 

[noonetoo]

Oopswronglife I'm not looking for a fight at all, I never even directed my comment towards you to begin with, until you started quoting me. And actually I'm PMing her. Not everything is for you to see, so you can keep making blind assumptions if you'd like or you can be nice. Again, simple :)

 

[Time]

I'm sorry that you're going through this but I also hope that you don't ctb on impulse. Sounds like a good way for things to go sideways. But I support your decision whatever path you choose.

Took a meto pill..we'll see how this affects me

also watching my favorite Rick and Morty episode when he attempts suicide

I'm guessing you mean the one with "Assimilation" in the title??? If so, definitely a great episode with a great, fitting song playing @ the end!

 

[MissNietzsche]

I'm sorry that you're going through this but I also hope that you don't ctb on impulse. Sounds like a good way for things to go sideways. But I support your decision whatever path you choose.


I'm guessing you mean the one with "Assimilation" in the title??? If so, definitely a great episode with a great, fitting song playing @ the end!

Can You Feel It by Chaos Chaos is actually my suicide song <3

 

[Time]

Can You Feel It by Chaos Chaos is actually my suicide song <3

Yessssssz, great song!

 

[MissNietzsche]

I'm sorry guys..basically, I started texting the guy anyway, and and it sort of turned into him talking to me again, but perhaps not seriously? I'm not sure..at the very least, I'm sticking to my guns about not having sex before commitment, so if he's being an eff boi, at the very least I won't be used. Or, even if I am used..whatever..I have nothing to lose. The only thing that happens is that I'm here for a little bit longer until I ctb. So yeah, I guess it doesn't even matter if I just used

The meto didnt feel like anything at all. I need to figure out how I can say goodbye to my cat before I ctb...

I'm knocking out..so sorry for getting some people worried about me. I promise, I wouldn't have started a thread if I didn't think I was actually going to do it. The next time I'm pushed over the edge like that, I might not be so lucky. I'm so lucky this dude semi took me back hahah. Goodnight, ya'll