Venting I think I should go for CTB asap

[burglarlydante]

I don't think I can handle this living anymore, my life is going down in flames by my own decaying mental health, my abuser is still a problem to me.
Even if he is not here with me anymore, I can still feel the fear I've felt when I was around him.
I have severe OCD (magical thinking one), and it's fucking killing me, Today my football team lost an important game though another team, and my FUCKIN OCD SAYS "if your team loses to this other team, It means your loved ones doesn't loved you anymore". LIKE?
WTF MAN, JUST LET ME SLEEP ONE FUCKING NIGHT IN PEACE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.
And it's not the worst thing, I'm emotionally attached to my abuser as a fuck, I can't live knowing he isn't a good person to me, and he is a fucking crap.
The same way I want him to be dead, is the same way I want him as my dad.
And it's killing me, because is not gonna happen.
My head hurts, my chest hurts, my neck hurts, my wrists hurts.
Every fuckin thing on me hurts, and I don't think I can hold this anymore.
I'm sorry for everyone that reads this, I don't think living is for me, nothing seems to work on my life.
Like, when I start feeling okay, always something comes to fuck my mind of.
And it's not like I have much time in peace, but when I finally find some of, my mind fucks me up or something goes terrible wrong.
Okay, I see what It comes. Suicide is my only way of not going insane and do something very extreme to get some peace, like killing my abusers or running away from home and starting a new life very away from here.
Anyway, I feel like shit and it's never going to change, I just hope something can save me from this.

 

[DyingToDie123]

I don't have OCD but it sounds brutal. I'm so sorry. Whatever you decide, I wish you peace.

 

[MeowTheFlemishCat]

I'm in the exact same situation please DM or add me on Discord "meowy6200"

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really horrible what you are going through, it's cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Hotsackage]

i have it to. best thing you can do is just let it ramble and ignore it. trust me id like put it in a nuclear explosion if i could.

 

[hi-okbye]

i have OCD too and i get how much it sucks. i agree with @Hotsackage, just let it ramble on. sometimes i like to argue with the voice in my head saying that shit to remind myself how stupid it actually sounds. remind yourself that you are loved no matter what. treat the voice in your head like a separate person, just yelling stupid shit at you. if some random person came up to you on the street and said your family didn't love you, you probably wouldn't believe them bc they don't know you or your family or anything about your life. treat your OCD like that random person on the street.
i hope this helped i get how annoying it is to struggle with OCD, sending much love <3

 

[Hotsackage]

Yes probably the worst and devious mental disorder. I'm sorry you struggle with it. Same to you