Help I think I need a final push

[myrtaryniel]

Every time i've tried to ctb (tho I obviously failed) it was because there was a major trigger that finally gave me the courage to surpass any hope or SI.
It's horrible but i'm looking for that trigger now. I'm so very tired of living this sad, plain, empty life.

What would be your final trigger, or what are you waiting for before ctbing?

 

[wanttodie.nz]

I don't know but I want to before Christmas. I will just feel it.

 

[JoeFailure]

I don't have any SI at this point. I could do it.

But I'm holding out for a miracle/I want to help as many other people as I can before I go. I never really saw how cruel this world can be to some people until about 4-5 months ago. I feel like I have a bond with those like myself that got a raw deal/bad luck/possibly even God's unwanted or unloved children if that's what we are, that's really what keeps me going.

But don't rush yourself. Nobody should. You could be one of the lucky ones that things turn around for if you can hold out as long as you possibly can.

 

[shelledone]

I suppose a certain amount of time being unemployed will do it. Need $$$ to live, after all. Not going to bother my family.

And my mind will scream louder and louder as time goes on.

To not be too "selfish," I ought to pick a time that is distant from celebrations like birthdays and holidays and won't be too much of a bother. Then again, my dad died a couple weeks before Christmas and no one (Family or friends) showed up to his funeral. Luckily he had arranged for an honor guard. But my brother and his family still flew out to their holiday and I don't have transportation. So sad, and I expect the same (only no honor guard). But, I digress.

 

[The Mute Viking]

I suppose a certain amount of time being unemployed will do it. Need $$$ to live, after all. Not going to bother my family.

And my mind will scream louder and louder as time goes on.

To not be too "selfish," I ought to pick a time that is distant from celebrations like birthdays and holidays and won't be too much of a bother. Then again, my dad died a couple weeks before Christmas and no one (Family or friends) showed up to his funeral. Luckily he had arranged for an honor guard. But my brother and his family still flew out to their holiday and I don't have transportation. So sad, and I expect the same (only no honor guard). But, I digress.

That's so horrible and sad.

I need that final push to get me to seriously preparing, days are coming to close.
I hope you find what you need to give you that final push, if you find out what it is, let me know. I need as well.

 

[myrtaryniel]

I don't know but I want to before Christmas. I will just feel it.

Christmas is also fucking awful for me, I could probably do it around that time. Wouldn't want to ruin my family's holidays I guess, but whatcha gonna do

 

[Grief]

Every morning, I wake up with such intense anxiety that I don't think I can stand another day, and I mentally go through the steps of partial hanging. The time I came closest, my legs started to shake and kick as I felt close to losing consciousness, and I could not continue.

 

[TowerUpright]

My family goes to Lennox Square for Christmas Shopping in the early December. If they leave early enough, I could theoretically start the SN routine while they're gone hopefully ingest the SN by lunchtime. They won't be back until the late afternoon. Should give me plenty of time / room.

 

[k3v3r]

I know that if i really need to ctb, i need to eat a lot (i've suffered from anorexia, and eating a lot/forbidden foods still triggers my suicidal thoughts) And i need to listen to sad/angry music.

 

[Taki]

My family goes to Lennox Square for Christmas Shopping in the early December. If they leave early enough, I could theoretically start the SN routine while they're gone hopefully ingest the SN by lunchtime. They won't be back until the late afternoon. Should give me plenty of time / room.

Isn't it a 48 hour process?

 

[TowerUpright]

Isn't it a 48 hour process?

Ugh, your right. I was thinking 24, and I could take Metro the day before.

 

[TAW122]

I don't really have that much of an SI myself (it is still there though) and I suppose my final push will be a major catalyst. As of now, I'm hoping that I will be able to get laid in Europe (going to Amsterdam 2 months from now) and if I succeed in doing so, then I may get onto the path of recovery. However, if I fail to do that, then it will be hopeless and I would plan on CTB'ing before end of 2019. I have many other reasons as well and personally, I'd rather die a young virgin than an old virgin or even become a wizard (30 year old virgin). I will also be 29 in about 2 months as well.

In short, I don't see myself as giving myself a deadline, but rather a combination of circumstance, catalyst, and timing, more so circumstance than time though.

 

[Oblivion]

Went out on a date with the hottest most beautiful smartet girl in the universe, now she's not talking to me after we met (ofcourse) this is my final push, this is why i'm doing it within the coming 2 weeks.

 

[clarelively]

I'm a person prone to anger, i usually become explosive if i'm stressed (which is most of the time) and my explosive behaviors are pushing my friends away. Now i realized that i hurt them. I want things to go back the way they were, i want to be friends with them again. But that's most likely impossible, they build a wall against me, they hate me, and now i'm all alone and friendless again, with no one to talk to about the shit that is life. Might as well end it right? I'm done with that 'it gets better' shit, i'm done with that 'they'll miss you' shit. No friends, you're fucked

 

[thrwaway99]

Isn't it a 48 hour process?

But in ppeh it says to take 3x10mg meto 30 minutes before SN, doesn't it?
What if the 48 h process is a meme in order to make everyone not take SN.

 

[Rose]

Well, my ctb partner had to go ahead without me.
In the same week my ex got back in contact with me and told me just how great she's doing & how much she learned from our relationship. She shut down when I mentioned how she hurt me and gave me the most generic of goodbye messages though, without even acknowledging what I said besides a "stuff happens."

Obviously I would've died anyway with my ctb partner... and it would've been a lot more peaceful, but it's still two big pushes. I'm hoping to use it to go through with my... less appealing method in this coming week.

 

[Aliaiactaest]

But in ppeh it says to take 3x10mg meto 30 minutes before SN, doesn't it?
What if the 48 h process is a meme in order to make everyone not take SN.

On here I've read 3x10mg but thought I saw 6x10mg on PPEH. Anyone know for sure?