Discussion I think I might have low-level ASPD

[DepressedEgg]

Since I was young I've really struggled with empathy - I sort of have to decide to be empathetic to people. Death in particular really doesn't bother me unless I personally lose something from it, but it isn't just that. I'm pretty sure my mum made me this way; she is completely unempathetic, and manipulative to everyone around her.

I feel like I watched so many shows and films about sociopaths and murderers growing up (Scream, Dexter, etc) that it normalised the idea of not feeling, glorified it, even. And now that I'm a bit older and I'm starting to make my own relationships and choices, life feels meaningless. I tried getting help and got brushed off. Now I'm living somewhere else so I could try again with my new doctor but I feel like if I try that and it doesn't work, my options suddenly narrow down to hating myself forever or killing myself.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It's definitely because of your mother. A lifetime of being exposed to that type of behavior will most surely have an impact.

 

[DepressedEgg]

It's definitely because of your mother. A lifetime of being exposed to that type of behavior will most surely haven impact.

Yeah, I think I've posted about her before but she's a real bag of issues all her own.
Probably doesn't help that anyone saying stuff like "I can't feel" is assumed to just be angsty. Spent years saying I had these problems and being told I was too edgy, learnt all the wrong lessons and wound up just not saying it out loud. Probably for the best, since I've also had people realise I was telling the truth and cut me out of their lives.
Idk, I just hope someone sees this and relates. It sucks having all this shit in my head and not having anyone to talk to who can understand. With the exception of my mother who would just use it as a fucked-up excuse to manipulate me, that is.