Venting I think I might be too much a coward to CTB

[CrazyDiamond04]

My life isn't the greatest. However, it's not nearly as bad as others on this forum, at least from what I've read so far. I've always been a pretty cowardly person, it's likely my worst trait as a human. Especially for a male, being a coward is one of the worst things one can be. It seems this also extends to CTB as well. As horrible as I feel at times, I can't bring myself to go through with it. It's ironic. Being a coward is what led to me creating the circumstances that lead to my wanting to CTB but it's also the thing that holds me back from doing it. Funny how that works out.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

You and most other member of this forum. Coward is a judgmental term though. No one deserves judgment for being unable to CTB.

Yet even on this forum no small number of people still manage to overcome that fear, let alone elsewhere. Why are some people able to and not others? That's the million-dollar question. In the end only we can summon the resolve necessary to execute suicide ourselves.

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

You and most other member of this forum. Coward is a judgmental term though. No one deserves judgment for being unable to CTB.

Yet even on this forum no small number of people still manage to overcome that fear, let alone elsewhere. Why are some people able to and not others? That's the million-dollar question. In the end only we can summon the resolve necessary to execute suicide ourselves.

Yeah, I just think right now may not be the time. It's a very complicated and painstakingly difficult decision to make. I'm gonna think it through some more. Thank you for your comment.

 

[Orbitc]

My life isn't the greatest. However, it's not nearly as bad as others on this forum, at least from what I've read so far. I've always been a pretty cowardly person, it's likely my worst trait as a human. Especially for a male, being a coward is one of the worst things one can be. It seems this also extends to CTB as well. As horrible as I feel at times, I can't bring myself to go through with it. It's ironic. Being a coward is what led to me creating the circumstances that lead to my wanting to CTB but it's also the thing that holds me back from doing it. Funny how that works out.

It's normal to be afraid of something. Everyone is afraid of something. I'm afraid too - I had a failed attempt with digoxin and now I know that ctb can be unsuccessful, very painful and crippling if you fail. Of course I will have to do it, but it's so hard to decide to do it again.

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

It's normal to be afraid of something. Everyone is afraid of something. I'm afraid too - I had a failed attempt with digoxin and now I know that ctb can be unsuccessful, very painful and crippling if you fail. Of course I will have to do it, but it's so hard to decide to do it again.

Precisely, so many different factors and things to take into consideration. It feels pretty overwhelming at times.

 

[PracheenKaal_00!]

My life isn't the greatest. However, it's not nearly as bad as others on this forum, at least from what I've read so far. I've always been a pretty cowardly person, it's likely my worst trait as a human. Especially for a male, being a coward is one of the worst things one can be. It seems this also extends to CTB as well. As horrible as I feel at times, I can't bring myself to go through with it. It's ironic. Being a coward is what led to me creating the circumstances that lead to my wanting to CTB but it's also the thing that holds me back from doing it. Funny how that works out.

I understand you. Personally, if my day of CTB nears, I would be really happy, yet really scared.
Also, I understand that certain CTB methods will cause apprehension and fear to a individual. Not all CTB methods is for everyone.

Pls do not call yourself a coward. I understand y u feel that u can't go through with CTB. To do it is a big decision. Secondly, it will take time for people to get over with their fears before they are able to execute the CTB plans. Only we can truly decide ourselves.

Also, I can understand that u fear of the consequenes and the pain that you would have to endure if the CTB attempt fails.
Also, it is not like we can immediately execute the CTB plans, it is not that easy.

I get you man, take some time and then go through with your decision.
Ultimately, I hope that you find the peace in the present / post life that u need.

 

[Peaceful Departure]

My life isn't the greatest. However, it's not nearly as bad as others on this forum, at least from what I've read so far. I've always been a pretty cowardly person, it's likely my worst trait as a human. Especially for a male, being a coward is one of the worst things one can be. It seems this also extends to CTB as well. As horrible as I feel at times, I can't bring myself to go through with it. It's ironic. Being a coward is what led to me creating the circumstances that lead to my wanting to CTB but it's also the thing that holds me back from doing it. Funny how that works out.

Take comfort in understanding that everyone on here could also be considered a coward. Someone who isn't a coward by your definition, is someone who would only be on this site to research a method to ctb. They wouldn't be interacting, and seeking comfort. They'd find their method, then execute it. We all deserve some comfort whether this group is an addition to your support system, or all you have.

Cowards Unite!! lol

 

[UKscotty]

You are not alone, lots of us are cowards too.

Setting dates in the future that never come, makings up stupid excuses to stay, finding last minute made up problems with methods, researching the next BS miracle method.. I've done it all.

The reality is I am just a coward too.

I know with any rope or cable, I could be gone from the world 5 minutes from now. But, I'm a coward with no guts.

 

[troubled983]

I really want to kill my self, but there's a part of my brain that won't let me. I really want to do it though.

 

[Agon321]

if it's any consolation, you're not the only one. Virtually everyone has a problem with the survival instinct. This is our natural defense that is hard to overcome. I wouldn't call it cowardly though.

 

[FuneralCry]

To me suicide really just isn't straightforward after all, I wish that it's easier to finally leave and I hate how there isn't the option of falling into a peaceful, instant eternal sleep, I don't think that those who struggle to ctb are "cowardly" I see suicide as being something so unnecessarily difficult especially as peaceful ways to die are made inacessible.