I think I may be in liver failure

[willitpass]

I've been taking micro overdoses of tylenol daily for a couple of weeks now. Roughly 4000-6000mg/day give or take. It hasn't been a ctb attempt (that would be very slow and agonizing to try to ctb that way), it's been a form of severe self harm with the potential to kill me. I have been asymptomatic until today, I was actually getting frustrated at how slow it was taking. Today I think I have reached the breaking point. I have anorexia so I woke up feeling unwell and honestly just attributed it to hunger and probably low blood sugar, as well as dehydration. I took a couple doses of tylenol and was a bit nauseous, but that's normal for me. By noon I took another dose of tylenol, putting me at 6000mg already for the day. Within about an hour the nausea was worse. It continued to get worse, but Id hardly eaten yet, so I spent hours dry heaving. By 5pm I started vomiting everything I had eaten hours prior. I stayed nauseous after and since then have thrown up green bile twice. My upper right abdomen has been hurting on and off. I haven't had any more tylenol since as I haven't been able to stomach anything but a few popsicles and some saltines. No, I don't plan on going to the hospital, and honestly once the nausea passes I may continue with my tylenol overdose. But this has been rather unpleasant. Since this is self harm and not a direct ctb attempt I've spent the day telling myself I deserve this pain. My mind is a fucked place.

 

[ilovemydog]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through

 

[thetruetato]

I've been taking micro overdoses of tylenol daily for a couple of weeks now. Roughly 4000-6000mg/day give or take. It hasn't been a ctb attempt (that would be very slow and agonizing to try to ctb that way), it's been a form of severe self harm with the potential to kill me. I have been asymptomatic until today, I was actually getting frustrated at how slow it was taking. Today I think I have reached the breaking point. I have anorexia so I woke up feeling unwell and honestly just attributed it to hunger and probably low blood sugar, as well as dehydration. I took a couple doses of tylenol and was a bit nauseous, but that's normal for me. By noon I took another dose of tylenol, putting me at 6000mg already for the day. Within about an hour the nausea was worse. It continued to get worse, but Id hardly eaten yet, so I spent hours dry heaving. By 5pm I started vomiting everything I had eaten hours prior. I stayed nauseous after and since then have thrown up green bile twice. My upper right abdomen has been hurting on and off. I haven't had any more tylenol since as I haven't been able to stomach anything but a few popsicles and some saltines. No, I don't plan on going to the hospital, and honestly once the nausea passes I may continue with my tylenol overdose. But this has been rather unpleasant. Since this is self harm and not a direct ctb attempt I've spent the day telling myself I deserve this pain. My mind is a fucked place.

I don't think it's a good idea to keep doing this, as you are likely putting yourself through this additional suffering for no reason. Liver failure is highly unlikely (though technically possible), but it is definitely not a reliable method. Speaking from personal experience (I consumed 40 grams at once in the past) , overdosing on Tylenol will probably just result in absolute hell for a few days and nothing more. (As a result I can't really make myself take normal amounts of it anymore because I feel sick just by looking at the pills)

 

[willitpass]

I don't think it's a good idea to keep doing this, as you are likely putting yourself through this additional suffering for no reason. Liver failure is highly unlikely (though technically possible), but it is definitely not a reliable method. Speaking from personal experience (I consumed 40 grams at once in the past) , overdosing on Tylenol will probably just result in absolute hell for a few days and nothing more. (As a result I can't really make myself take normal amounts of it anymore because I feel sick just by looking at the pills)

It isn't a method, and I would never recommend this to anyone. This is a form of self harm. And yes, 4-6g of tylenol daily for two weeks can very likely well cause liver failure. I know what I'm doing to myself, I work in healthcare and am highly aware of how dangerous what I am doing is. Large doses of tylenol at once have the potential for liver failure as well, but smaller overdoses over a continuous period of time are equally as bad as your liver slowly starts to shut down as opposed to doing it all at once. However, my mind is extremely broken and has been since I was a small child. My self harm started as cutting and over the years has progressed and progressed to the point where I believe I deserve to induce organ failure on myself and as such I probably won't be stopping.

 

[escape_from_hell]

Heard you out and feel for you. Damn.

Cannot really relate to this in particular despite thinking I hate myself, but do hear you. It sounds awful.

I don't even know you but still wouldn't wish this on you and hope you take it easier on yourself.

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

god i'm so sorry you're going through that OP because i have been doing that same thing for well over 8 years now, micro od-ing on tylenol pm.
i'd take around 10-15 pills everyday (dispersed by a few hours so like 4 pills every 3-4 hours) and had been doing that everyday to this day. i've cut down to like 6 pills a day and not everyday like i used to do. i'd go through whole 100 cap bottles in a week/2 weeks. the worst that's come from it is being told once that my liver enzymes were a little high when i had to get labs done, so i took some liver pills and that seemed to be okay? and that was years ago though.

my body is just more resilient to the abuse i put it through compared to most people and i think my weight is probably also in factor in why it hasn't affected me as badly as it has done to you especially since you haven't been doing it as long as i have.

 

[willitpass]

god i'm so sorry you're going through that OP because i have been doing that same thing for well over 8 years now, micro od-ing on tylenol pm.
i'd take around 10-15 pills everyday (dispersed by a few hours so like 4 pills every 3-4 hours) and had been doing that everyday to this day. i've cut down to like 6 pills a day and not everyday like i used to do. i'd go through whole 100 cap bottles in a week/2 weeks. the worst that's come from it is being told once that my liver enzymes were a little high when i had to get labs done, so i took some liver pills and that seemed to be okay? and that was years ago though.

my body is just more resilient to the abuse i put it through compared to most people and i think my weight is probably also in factor in why it hasn't affected me as badly as it has done to you especially since you haven't been doing it as long as i have.

I've been abusing my body in horrible ways for years and years. I'm over a year into my anorexia relapse so my nutritional status is already poor at baseline. I dehydrate myself on purpose as well which definitely isn't great at helping the liver filter out toxins. Beyond that I have heart issues and respiratory issues with currently an unclear cause (possibly due to covid though I think my years of abusing myself probably contribute as well). So my health isn't the greatest to begin with, my body doesn't have much of a reserve built up to defend itself when I start doing things like this anymore. Up until about a year and a half ago I also was incredibly resilient. I'd torture myself and nothing would happen. Sometimes I wondered if I was invincible (not actually just kind of a silly thought) because I've survived so many things I should not have without so much as a scratch. But my body is tired. The last several months I've been feeling my body wear down. The constant nausea, fatigue, dizziness, etc. I have a feeling if I don't ctb soon my body will give out within a couple of years.

 

[willitpass]

The nausea subsided overnight. It seems like my entire GI system and kidneys have slowed though. Very minimal output, though that may just be due to dehydration. I've lost 3 pounds in 3 days from how dehydrated I am. The right upper abdominal pain is only a 2/10 but it seems to be getting more frequent. I've continued with my tylenol this morning. No yellowing of the skin or eyes, no bruising, no signs of hepatic encephalopathy though I will say I've had a rather foggy brain. I'm interested to see how this will play out.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm interested to see how this will play out.

Bad. It will play out bad.

 

[willitpass]

Bad. It will play out bad.

I'm well aware. I don't know how to describe the horrible urge I have to cause myself indescribable pain.

 

[willitpass]

I just want to be in more pain. I haven't seen any aggressive signs of liver failure since that day and it makes me angry. I deserve the pain that I should be in from doing this. I think I'm going to increase my daily dose.

 

[heysunshine]

This post made me feel a lot. This sounds so painful, op, physically and mentally. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I'm sorry that you have the urge to harm yourself in this way, although I understand it completely. For me, sh gives me a sense of relief, elation, and control, and I understand the desire to pursue that to whatever end in the hopes of even greater relief. I just wanted to comment to say that I understand that urge to keep hurting yourself. I hate that other people feel the same urge to punish themselves as I feel. I know sh doesn't always make sense. It's hard to see outside of the pain we want to escape. But this method sounds so painful and hard on your body and mind. It sounds miserable. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. I wanted to offer an open ear, and let you know that if you ever want to vent or talk, I am here.