Venting i think i hate my family

[theanonymousssly]

i think my family emotionally neglected me as a kid but i feel absolutely horrible when i think about that, or even consider it. ik they love me a lot and would sacrifice everything for me but it's just that sometimes they have horrible tempers (esp when i was a kid) so i was caned quite a bit and ridiculed or whatever (called stupid, sick in the head, a freak etc)

i think i'm overreacting LOL but i just feel so guilty whenever i even consider the possibility of my family not being the best, or like amazing caretakers. they've sacrificed so much for me, i literally don't do anything in return im so selfish and useless and stupid like they said they're not even wrong. and in return for all their kindness im being a whiny bitch smh.

i can't even ctb because my family said they'd go mad if i did and their entire lives would be ruined. ever since i was born, ever since i opened my eyes, it was already too late. i wish so fucking bad i was never born, i wish i was aborted or a miscarriage

 

[greyblue_bian]

i think my family emotionally neglected me as a kid but i feel absolutely horrible when i think about that, or even consider it. ik they love me a lot and would sacrifice everything for me but it's just that sometimes they have horrible tempers (esp when i was a kid) so i was caned quite a bit and ridiculed or whatever (called stupid, sick in the head, a freak etc)

i think i'm overreacting LOL but i just feel so guilty whenever i even consider the possibility of my family not being the best, or like amazing caretakers. they've sacrificed so much for me, i literally don't do anything in return im so selfish and useless and stupid like they said they're not even wrong. and in return for all their kindness im being a whiny bitch smh.

i can't even ctb because my family said they'd go mad if i did and their entire lives would be ruined. ever since i was born, ever since i opened my eyes, it was already too late. i wish so fucking bad i was never born, i wish i was aborted or a miscarriage

There's no reason to sacrifice your self-respect to keep the peace between you and anyone else. You get to decide if you want to die or not and if that is what brings you content. But if you feel that way bring it up. And if you feel you can't, that shows a sign of some lack of communication and trust in your family. I mean you've said they said their entire lives would be ruined. It would be out of a place of concern, and I'm not sure how and when exactly it was said, but there's no point in trying to make yourself feel guilty for being angry. There's also no point in putting your faults and lack to the side and being forgotten and denied. Instead, take account of what you did and how you feel about it (guilty) while talking to them about how they made you feel and how it's affected you. See how that goes. This is harder than it looks in the text. It's up to you whether or not you think it's the best way to handle this (if you even want it handled). You know your situation better than anyone else cares to know your situation.

But just like you, I have the same fucking death wish. Partially for the same reason, too. Twins!

 

[Hunter2005]

I fucking hate mine too, I hate how they have no self awareness, always think their right and it's full of enablers.

 

[Sweet Tart]

Trust your instincts. An abusive dynamic can be very, very hard to recognize when it is the first example of a relationship that one has. The physical and verbal assault you mentioned are abusive, and the caring things your family has done do not cancel that out. I'm so sorry they hurt you. It's a lot to process. I hope you can be more compassionate with yourself than your family has been.

 

[venin]

i think my family emotionally neglected me as a kid but i feel absolutely horrible when i think about that, or even consider it. ik they love me a lot and would sacrifice everything for me but it's just that sometimes they have horrible tempers (esp when i was a kid) so i was caned quite a bit and ridiculed or whatever (called stupid, sick in the head, a freak etc)

i think i'm overreacting LOL but i just feel so guilty whenever i even consider the possibility of my family not being the best, or like amazing caretakers. they've sacrificed so much for me, i literally don't do anything in return im so selfish and useless and stupid like they said they're not even wrong. and in return for all their kindness im being a whiny bitch smh.

i can't even ctb because my family said they'd go mad if i did and their entire lives would be ruined. ever since i was born, ever since i opened my eyes, it was already too late. i wish so fucking bad i was never born, i wish i was aborted or a miscarriage

Why would you do something in return? Isn't it normal for parents to take care of their children?

Did you ask to be born? They did what they did and you were born. It was their choice, not yours. You actually wrote it yourself.

Please don't be so hard on yourself…

 

[EndJstifiesTheMeans]

My family ruined my life especially my father