started self harming a decade ago. spent about 5 years harming severely (or so people say), made to get stitches many times plus surgery for one cut (it wasn't that serious i promise, they're just dramatic). last time i self harmed was first week of july 2025, a couple days after my best friend ended things w me. i have no clue how i've not self harmed since then. life has been SIGNIFICANTLY worse than it's ever been since july, with so many terrible things having happened but i think a large part of me has known that self harming won't help with this specific sort of mental pain, not for me atleast. it felt like i had unlocked a new level of pain that even self harm couldn't even temporarily solve.
i've been trying to get myself to try again in the hopes that maybe it'll give me some relief but the thought of my pain tolerance has made me stay away. i can only imagine how shit my tolerance is now, esp considering how i have a lot of physical pains i'm in all the time, so maybe these put together would kinda suck.
i went through every single picture of my cuts i've collected since 2019 (the beginning of when it started becoming serious stuff) and i miss it. i miss it like i miss my dog. i was actually looking at pictures of him before, which is also what reminded me of self harm lmao. i miss him everyday, and i feel like self harm is the closet i'll get to feeling like he's around, feeling like i still have a connection with him.
ANYWAY i'm praying a relapse will help with some, even tiny aspect of my misery. i'm a huge planner so i'm hoping to do this next week, and i'll prepare to not go home for the next couple weeks, until it heals !
i've been trying to get myself to try again in the hopes that maybe it'll give me some relief but the thought of my pain tolerance has made me stay away. i can only imagine how shit my tolerance is now, esp considering how i have a lot of physical pains i'm in all the time, so maybe these put together would kinda suck.
i went through every single picture of my cuts i've collected since 2019 (the beginning of when it started becoming serious stuff) and i miss it. i miss it like i miss my dog. i was actually looking at pictures of him before, which is also what reminded me of self harm lmao. i miss him everyday, and i feel like self harm is the closet i'll get to feeling like he's around, feeling like i still have a connection with him.
ANYWAY i'm praying a relapse will help with some, even tiny aspect of my misery. i'm a huge planner so i'm hoping to do this next week, and i'll prepare to not go home for the next couple weeks, until it heals !
