Venting I think I became ableist because of my ex-bsf???????

[peerlesscucumber]

I've been thinking about this a lot.

I was raised in a very accepting and diverse family, I always believed I was a good tolerant person.

Thing is, back in 8th grade I made this friend, I'll call her Agust. She's autistic, been a "victim" of bullying since we were in like 4th grade and we've been classmates since kindergarten (we graduate highschool this year).

Don't assume she's not smart just because she's autistic btw. She's very high functioning, does well in school and I would go as far as to say she's more socially aware than me.

In 8th grade I was like her dog. I followed her everywhere, everything she said was true and everything she did was amazing. I wasn't in love with her, but it was like she was some kind of god I worshipped.

But turns out, being a "victim" of bullying and also being autistic didn't mean she wasn't an absolute asimpathetic asshole.

She believes making nazi jokes is funny, she thinks making fun of dark skin is great comedy, and also thinks gay people are disgusting.

And also, she believed that making me the butt of all of her jokes was even funnier!!

I had to bear to hear her talk about how ugly I was, how disgusting I was because I liked girls, how pathetic I was because I was prone to being depressed, how stupid I must have been a s a kid for having childhood obesity.

She made fun of my looks, my weight, my face, my sexuality, my smarts, my disability, my EVERYTHING.

I had to hear her terrible jokes because I pitied her. Because I was convinced that if I dropped her, my social life would crumble because out of thee two of us, she was the most likeable one.

I did drop her in the end, some months after I relapsed my sh because of her comments and some days after I attempted because of her fault.

But a thing ive noticed is that after I dropped is that I now immediately dislike or distrust someone if they say they're autistic.
My brain just assumes they're bad people and dumber than for some reason.

I'm not frustrated or anything. I literally couldn't care less, I just thought it was kind of funny and I have no one to tell hehe

 

[EvisceratedJester]

You just have prejudices due to past negative experiences. The fact that you recognize that is good and there is always room to work on that issue. I'm sorry you had to put up with someone so vile. With a friend like that who needs bullies? It's good that you cut her out of your life.

 

[peerlesscucumber]

You just have prejudices due to past negative experiences. The fact that you recognize that is good and there is always room to work on that issue. I'm sorry you had to put up with someone so vile. With a friend like that who needs bullies? It's good that you cut her out of your life.

Our relationship was always kind of funny ngl, maybe borderline unhealthy since the start.
I'm pretty convinced it may have been my karma.

I was actually one of her "5th grade bullies" or so she said. She always made a point to make fun of me for it at least once a day.
Idk if the acussation was true or not tho, I can't remember most of middle school and I'm pretty sure I remember her beating me up at least once (I actually almost got expelled because of the acussations lmao)

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Our relationship was always kind of funny ngl, maybe borderline unhealthy since the start.
I'm pretty convinced it may have been my karma.

I was actually one of her "5th grade bullies" or so she said. She always made a point to make fun of me for it at least once a day.
Idk if the acussation was true or not tho, I can't remember most of middle school and I'm pretty sure I remember her beating me up at least once (I actually almost got expelled because of the acussations lmao)

Whether you were actually one of her bullies or not doesn't excuse her constantly insulting you or beating you up. She sounds like an asshole, tbh (which isn't surprising considering her racism, homophobia, and all those Nazi jokes she supposedly like to make). It honestly sounds like your guys relationship was unhealthy from the start.