Help I think I am going to ctb with caffeine

[darksideofthebright]

After doing a lot of research on SS and the rest of the Internet, I think I will go with caffeine OD through the powder form.

I am aware that it will be painful and torturing, but the thought of having to ctb with no one (nearby) just terrifies me so much, plus I have a pretty high pain tolerance. My plan is to be on a call with some of my friends watching Gossip Girl, then as soon as the symptoms of an upcoming seizure OR those of a caffeine start to kick in, I will say goodbye and end the call (at least that way, my last memories with people would be something lovely imo). As I have the seizure or black out, I will just be there and accept my fate. From what I have gathered, it takes somewhere from 2 hours to up to 4 hours of suffering, but half of it is either seizure or cardiac arrest, which (apparently) doesn't feel painful, at least not while they occur.

I was wondering if anyone knew whether painkillers or some sleeping medications would help with the pain (even a little bit)? As much I have looked into it, nowhere seems to mention painkillers.

 

[woxihuanni]

None of your reasoning makes any sense to me, sorry. That you don't want to be alone has nothing to do with your method of choice. The rest I won't address

 

[OminousVaL]

Sounds intense, why choose such a dramatic exit?

 

[darksideofthebright]

None of your reasoning makes any sense to me, sorry. That you don't want to be alone has nothing to do with your method of choice. The rest I won't address

To be honest, I know I contradict myself a lot because of the insane amount of thoughts that is going on in my head. I have tried hanging/suspension before and it didn't work because I have never managed to find the exact spots for the carotid arteries. I did consider to be my most likely way out, but after seeing the photos of people hanging, something in me just didn't feel right with that method personally, and I just can't explain why.

I don't want to be alone because in my life, I have met wonderful people, and that I have to leave this world alone, for some reasons, also terrifies me. Every time I talked to people before I planned to ctb, I just backed out because I changed my mind. But in this case, I will have taken the caffeine before talking to them, so in a way, speaking spiritually, they will be "seeing me off" to a certain point, and I will get to my destination on my own for the rest of the journey.

Sounds intense, why choose such a dramatic exit?

As I mentioned in the above reply, something about other ways to ctb just doesn't seem right to me, and I can't explain. And it's really difficult to get SN where I live. I understand it's not impossible, but that I have to live on and wait for it to arrive with so much uncertainty, I just can't deal with the emotional distress and pain. Physical pain, on the other hand, is fine-ish by me.

i think CTB with caffeine is impossible, i tried with 20 pills and whatever it was i couldn't sleep all night and my stomach hurt and i was like drugged

I have not had personal experiences, so I can't say for sure. But I'm going with the powder form being diluted in water to help "digestion"? (My apologies if it's not the correct technical term). And also, even with pills, I would, myself, take more than 20 pills; because from what I have gathered, it would be approx. 10g for a lethal dose, so that would equal ~50 pills (with each of which contains 200mg of caffeine). For that reasons, I decide to opt for powder, because 50 pills seem like A LOT for stomach to even break it down.

 

[OminousVaL]

Understood, I hope you find what you are looking for friend. Smooth travels.

 

[k75]

I'm really sorry you feel like this. I don't agree with your chosen method, but you seem aware of the consequences, so I won't say anything about that.

I do see some flaws in your plan, though. Think about times when you or someone you were with drank too much coffee. Even the effects of that amount are pretty obvious, right? You're talking a lot, energized, maybe jittery and hyper. Now multiply that dozens of times. Does your plan still seem feasible?

The caffeine will hit hard and fast. I don't think you'll have enough warning before seizure or anything to say goodbye ahead of time. If you get incapacitated by that while on the phone, they could hear something or just be alarmed if you stop talking and call 911.

You won't be able to act normal, and whoever you're interacting with will know something is wrong with you. At the least, you'll be super amped up on caffeine and that's hard to tone down. Could be mistaken for hard drugs. Red flags everywhere, and there's a high chance someone calling a welfare check on you.

Caffeine amplifies and mimics anxiety and stress. Have you ever had a panic attack, with your heart pounding and racing? It's freaking terrifying and caffeine od is likely to create that feeling, but much, much worse. If you're talking to people, they may pick up on that and again, try to help.

And finally, no sedative will work because you're overdosing on caffeine! I've heard of people mixing uppers and downers for fun and dying that way, but I doubt it's reliable or pleasant.

 

[sarahR]

Is that even a way to od?

 

[StuFin]

Is that even a way to od?

Yes

 

[darksideofthebright]

I'm really sorry you feel like this. I don't agree with your chosen method, but you seem aware of the consequences, so I won't say anything about that.

I do see some flaws in your plan, though. Think about times when you or someone you were with drank too much coffee. Even the effects of that amount are pretty obvious, right? You're talking a lot, energized, maybe jittery and hyper. Now multiply that dozens of times. Does your plan still seem feasible?

The caffeine will hit hard and fast. I don't think you'll have enough warning before seizure or anything to say goodbye ahead of time. If you get incapacitated by that while on the phone, they could hear something or just be alarmed if you stop talking and call 911.

You won't be able to act normal, and whoever you're interacting with will know something is wrong with you. At the least, you'll be super amped up on caffeine and that's hard to tone down. Could be mistaken for hard drugs. Red flags everywhere, and there's a high chance someone calling a welfare check on you.

Caffeine amplifies and mimics anxiety and stress. Have you ever had a panic attack, with your heart pounding and racing? It's freaking terrifying and caffeine od is likely to create that feeling, but much, much worse. If you're talking to people, they may pick up on that and again, try to help.

And finally, no sedative will work because you're overdosing on caffeine! I've heard of people mixing uppers and downers for fun and dying that way, but I doubt it's reliable or pleasant.

Thank you so much for your response, a lot of which I didn't really think about.

I am still trying to do a bit more research so I really appreciate your inputs as I am still uncertain about my method of choice. Apparently, from what I have seen online, a lot of people were in a lot of pain, sweating, etc. before death, which all led to death in the end.

What I am still trying to wrap my head around is: many of these people who experienced caffeine OD didn't (seem to) take enough to die swiftly? Because with one of the cases of of someone who passed by OD on caffeine, she was living in a student hall, and if there was anything crazy/loud/etc. someone would have heard. Once again, I don't know, these are all just my speculations so.. I was wonder whether I would be able to go swiftly (not necessarily painlessly) if I took A LOT of caffeine powder.

Overall, I am still thinking about it, so I really appreciate your response!

Is that even a way to od?

Yes, there have been several discussions on SS about this. There have also been reported cases online of OD'ing on caffeine. It's not pleasant (in fact, it can be extremely painful for some), but it is possible.

 

[k75]

I know there have been some long discussions about this here in the past, and the recommended of amount was very large. But I really don't remember what it was. You can probably find some good info by searching the forum, though.

 

[darksideofthebright]

In short, it takes somewhere from 5-10g being consumed in a short amount of time. In further details, you can find it more on the Internet, they can be fairly accessible.

 

[Silvermorning]

It can be done:

University science student, 24, killed herself with caffeine overdose

Sophia Benning, 24, who had been battling depression, bought the stimulant online. She was found dead in her Salford University student accommodation on March 19.

www.dailymail.co.uk

I empathize with you OP about wanting to die while listening to familiar voices, before I moved, I used to think about hanging behind the door entrance, so i could hear echoes of the neighbourhood as a farewell. But then I moved, and it's just silence here.

I'm so sorry life has brought us to this point, OP. Sending you love.

 

[darksideofthebright]

It can be done:

University science student, 24, killed herself with caffeine overdose

Sophia Benning, 24, who had been battling depression, bought the stimulant online. She was found dead in her Salford University student accommodation on March 19.

www.dailymail.co.uk

I empathize with you OP about wanting to die while listening to familiar voices, before I moved, I used to think about hanging behind the door entrance, so i could hear echoes of the neighbourhood as a farewell. But then I moved, and it's just silence here.

I'm so sorry life has brought us to this point, OP. Sending you love.

Thank you so much for understanding. There is almost no way to ctb while listening to the familiar voices, and I just thought to myself (although I am aware it sounds slightly illogical) that being to have people's presence, even through the screen, can offer some sorts of ease. There is also a lot more behind my reasonings, but that is the most outstanding of all.

I also genuinely hope you can find some peace too, because you deserve it. Sending you virtual hugs and love too.

 

[Caspers]

Any chance you'd feel uncomfortable watching videos of you with your friends? Or have voice messages available? Much safer than a call that way

 

[darksideofthebright]

Any chance you'd feel uncomfortable watching videos of you with your friends? Or have voice messages available? Much safer than a call that way

I don't think I would be uncomfortable. Oddly, it is very comforting, because throughout my life, I have never really been afraid of death; I am just afraid of dying alone.

If what you are asking is whether they would be heavily impacted by seeing me struggling before caffeine OD, I will hang up as soon as I feel like I am showing too much of the symptoms. I am a mic-off kinda person on the call anyway, so I don't think they would suspect.

 

[Caspers]

I don't think I would be uncomfortable. Oddly, it is very comforting, because throughout my life, I have never really been afraid of death; I am just afraid of dying alone.

If what you are asking is whether they would be heavily impacted by seeing me struggling before caffeine OD, I will hang up as soon as I feel like I am showing too much of the symptoms. I am a mic-off kinda person on the call anyway, so I don't think they would suspect.

Sorry you misinterpreted, I meant if you think that calling may not be a good idea, do you have any old videos or voice recordings that could entertain you instead of being with them. Just suggesting a second best if you decide not to go on call (I have no research in this method so am unaware of how quickly the body reacts). I wish you the best either way

 

[Silvermorning]

Thank you so much for understanding. There is almost no way to ctb while listening to the familiar voices, and I just thought to myself (although I am aware it sounds slightly illogical) that being to have people's presence, even through the screen, can offer some sorts of ease.

I find it very logical, we know we are doomed, and before things get worse, to do what needs to be done on pure impulse, while having some pleasant conversation. To die ,as if by chance, or accident, too fast to give SI time to present itself.

Any chance you'd feel uncomfortable watching videos of you with your friends? Or have voice messages available? Much safer than a call that way

The call could be left on mute when any symptom starts, that way OP can listen quietly , and the other side, is none the wiser.

 

[darksideofthebright]

Sorry you misinterpreted, I meant if you think that calling may not be a good idea, do you have any old videos or voice recordings that could entertain you instead of being with them. Just suggesting a second best if you decide not to go on call (I have no research in this method so am unaware of how quickly the body reacts). I wish you the best either way

Aaa I see.

Yes I do have videos of my loved ones as memories. If not, I will just be watching Cinderella, it's always been my comforting film.

And to answer your other question, apparently it depends. Caffeine will take effect after as soon as 15 minutes before reaching its peak after 30 minutes to an hour (so let's say on average ~45 minutes). And thank you.

find it very logical, we know we are doomed, and before things get worse, to do what needs to be done on pure impulse, while having some pleasant conversation

Absolutely, and I totally understand what you mean as well. As for you, however or whenever you decide to ctb (or even if you want to do it in the end at all), I hope you nothing but the best. X

 

[Lordsudbury]

Thank you so much for understanding. There is almost no way to ctb while listening to the familiar voices, and I just thought to myself (although I am aware it sounds slightly illogical) that being to have people's presence, even through the screen, can offer some sorts of ease. There is also a lot more behind my reasonings, but that is the most outstanding of all.

I also genuinely hope you can find some peace too, because you deserve it. Sending you virtual hugs and love too.

This article makes it seem almost quite pleasant even....though....surely it is not.

I was gonna say I just don't think it would work, but now I say good luck hope it's not horrible

 

[darksideofthebright]

This article makes it seem almost quite pleasant even....though....surely it is not.

I was gonna say I just don't think it would work, but now I say good luck hope it's not horrible

Thank you so much.

It surely will not be painless, as many different sources have stated. I think the reason why it didn't work for a lot of people is because they were found out in time, changed their mind, went for pills instead of powder, etc.

I do hope I will hold on tightly to my will to leave this world, tightly enough to not reach for the phone to call anyone (because I live alone).

 

[Lordsudbury]

Thank you so much.

It surely will not be painless, as many different sources have stated. I think the reason why it didn't work for a lot of people is because they were found out in time, changed their mind, went for pills instead of powder, etc.

I do hope I will hold on tightly to my will to leave this world, tightly enough to not reach for the phone to call anyone (because I live alone).

Living alone makes it so much easier.

I just kinda thought maybe the caffeine OD plan has something to do with your usual daily relationship with caffeine as well (in the same way like ppl who OD on heroin don't do it the first time, they have to get used to it first and then OD), but I really don't know anything about the method

 

[Silvermorning]

Death is due to atrial fibrillation, with caffeine overdose, I imagine is gonna feel close to amytriptiline and cloroquine overdoses. Benzos are recommended in both, should work the same with caffeine.

Not my method of choice, but peacefulnes is in the eye of the beholder.

 

[darksideofthebright]

Living alone makes it so much easier.

I just kinda thought maybe the caffeine OD plan has something to do with your usual daily relationship with caffeine as well (in the same way like ppl who OD on heroin don't do it the first time, they have to get used to it first and then OD), but I really don't know anything about the method

I can't recommend anything to anyone, because that would be far away from appropriate. But there are threads here on SS that discuss this method.

This article has a really extensive range of information regarding caffeine OD fyi.

 

[Lordsudbury]

I can't recommend anything to anyone, because that would be far away from appropriate. But there are threads here on SS that discuss this method.

This article has a really extensive range of information regarding caffeine OD fyi.

Wow the symptoms of caffeine overdose is like my normal resting condition lmao.

Good article I didn't realize so many ppl died from drinking monster energy drinks lmao wtf

 

[darksideofthebright]

Wow the symptoms of caffeine overdose is like my normal resting condition lmao.

Good article I didn't realize so many ppl died from drinking monster energy drinks lmao wtf

LOL it kinda reminds me of that video of the Christian lady explaining why Monsters is the drink of the devils.

 

[Ghost2211]

Well, sounds like you know it will be painful and overstimulating, so I'll spare you the explanation. I'm sorry life has brought you to the point you feel this is your only option. I considered this a year ago, but I realized I would hate being that stimulated so would prefer a system slowing method. Make sure you do thorough research about dosage.

 

[woxihuanni]

It was my method before I joined SS, too.

I wish you strength and peace of you go through with this.

 

[darksideofthebright]

Well, sounds like you know it will be painful and overstimulating, so I'll spare you the explanation. I'm sorry life has brought you to the point you feel this is your only option. I considered this a year ago, but I realized I would hate being that stimulated so would prefer a system slowing method. Make sure you do thorough research about dosage.

Thank you.

Apparently, people who were found having had a caffeine OD didn't seem to have a frightening look to them (no offence to any other methods), and I don't want to scare anyone who is going to find me (Because it seems like with this method, I can just be lying in my bed).

As for you, whatever you decide to do, I wish you all the best.
Bringing this back up as I still wonder whether painkillers would help with coping with the pains that will be caused.

 

[darksideofthebright]

Bringing this back up because I still need help with figuring out whether painkillers would help while dealing with physical pains caused by caffeine OD.