Venting i think a break up would be good for him

[meowmix]

i love my bf very much, i really do, but the thing is; my mental health has been weighing down on our relationship recently. everyday, ever since i tried to ctb 3 weeks ago (which he stopped me from doing) i have been very depressed and my crippling self-loathing has increased in its intensity. i've been speaking with him about it, but then one day he finally told me that he wants to take a break for the both of us. i don't think its a bad idea, i think its a good idea tbh. BUT it confirmed my thoughts of him being sick of me and burdened by me and my existence. i know he tells me that its not my existence that burdens him but my mental illness. but to me, my mental illness is who i am now. i've been like this since i was a child. so to me, he's really telling me he hates me. i've been thinking, maybe i should just break up with him to save him from me. and that my death wouldn't be too heavy on his shoulders when i finally ctb.

 

[Rack.-]

i love my bf very much, i really do, but the thing is; my mental health has been weighing down on our relationship recently. everyday, ever since i tried to ctb 3 weeks ago (which he stopped me from doing) i have been very depressed and my crippling self-loathing has increased in its intensity. i've been speaking with him about it, but then one day he finally told me that he wants to take a break for the both of us. i don't think its a bad idea, i think its a good idea tbh. BUT it confirmed my thoughts of him being sick of me and burdened by me and my existence. i know he tells me that its not my existence that burdens him but my mental illness. but to me, my mental illness is who i am now. i've been like this since i was a child. so to me, he's really telling me he hates me. i've been thinking, maybe i should just break up with him to save him from me. and that my death wouldn't be too heavy on his shoulders when i finally ctb.

Hii, I see you joined yesterday so welcome!!

I am sorry that you are going through a difficult time and that it's affecting your relationship but honestly I believe that he should have been more understanding and caring with what you are going through cause telling you that he wants to take a break doesn't sound very comforting :/
After all he should be the one to support you through hard times right?
Can't give much advice since I've never been in a relationship lmao but I'm here if you need someone to talk with

 

[mortuarymary]

Welcome.
i feel like that with my partner, I'm such a burden but he won't let me go. He's here for the long haul. We've been together 8 years. Poor bastard really doesn't deserve me.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

This is very hard situation, I see. But you should not identify with your mental illness. It's something you have it's not you.
I am sure he doesn't hate you. As you said he tried to stop you from CBT that means he cares about you.

 

[nembutal]

it's a fact of life, other people don't want to be weighed down by your burdens. you should have the strength to battle through it for him and yourself. you still have a chance to save the relationship

 

[Worndown]

A relationship with a person with a mental illness is difficult.
There are no good answers here. In the end, do what you need to do.

 

[SexyIncél]

so to me, he's really telling me he hates me. i've been thinking, maybe i should just break up with him to save him from me.

Pity you can't just talk about these things openly, and decide together

 

[spring vainglory]

it's a shame he's not understanding.

i know how you feel. i wonder why my boyfriend stays with me despite how sad and needy i am. i feel grotesque and undeserving of him, but he's understanding of my wishes to ctb. he's not forcing me to live, but i've decided to stay alive because i cant let him go. that's how it should be, i think.

you deserve to find peace. he's not going to stick with you through your hardship, but he's still going to force you to live through it. that's not fair to you.
breaking up with him to save him from you sounds like a good idea to me, he suggested it so it means that he wants to be saved from you too. he should know it's not going to help the person in despair to leave them.
you'll be lonely though, but you'll be free to make your own choices, to find your peace.