Venting I stopped eating Monday afternoon.

[Livingvsdying25]

I just stopped. Not entirely sure why. Starving to death isnt easy or like even plausible way to die so its not really about that. The stress of food becomes too much at times like this. Starving just feels better tbh.

I've been allowing myself 1-2cups of soda a day. To at least keep some sugar in my blood and all.

I've been mostly sleeping all day anyway. Up for a few mins to an hour and then back to sleep for up to a couple of hours.



My childish hope is that I die in my sleep but ik that's incredibly unlikely so the starving rn is just self serving in ways I'm not really sure why or anything.


I have no plans to reach out to anyone and I've told my main supports to leave me alone. For the first time in awhile I am alone unless I reach out. I prefer it this way rn.

I am not feeling too weak physically or anything. Yesterday I was fine/ able to brush my teeth & wash my face.

I wish it was easier to die. But the difficulty level doesn't matter I will die soon enough.

Still just contemplating methods.

Anyway still planning to not eat today too.

 

[アホペンギン]

Don't starve yourself, even if you have no desire to eat, please eat something. Starvation is a very unreliable method, it takes too long and its a very painful process. Even if your method isn't starvation, just eat something, anything. I know the struggle of ctb and how hard it is to do, but i promise you that someday, you will achieve it. Just don't starve yourself.

 

[shootemallagain]

Ik ben gewoon gestopt. Niet helemaal zeker waarom. Doodhongeren is niet gemakkelijk of zelfs een plausibele manier om te sterven, dus daar gaat het niet echt over. De stress van eten wordt op dit soort momenten te veel. Verhongeren voelt gewoon beter tbh.

Ik heb mezelf 1-2 kopjes frisdrank per dag toegestaan. Om in ieder geval wat suiker in mijn bloed te houden en zo.

Ik heb sowieso de hele dag geslapen. Een paar minuten tot een uur op en dan weer in slaap voor maximaal een paar uur.



Mijn kinderlijke hoop is dat ik sterf in mijn slaap, maar dat is ongelooflijk onwaarschijnlijk, dus de uitgehongerde rn is gewoon zelfbediening op manieren waarvan ik niet echt zeker weet waarom of zoiets.


Ik heb geen plannen om iemand te bereiken en ik heb mijn belangrijkste supporters verteld om me met rust te laten. Voor het eerst sinds lange tijd ben ik alleen, tenzij ik contact opneem. Ik heb het liever op deze manier rn.

Ik voel me fysiek niet te zwak of zo. Gisteren was ik prima / in staat om mijn tanden te poetsen en mijn gezicht te wassen.

Ik wou dat het gemakkelijker was om te sterven. Maar de moeilijkheidsgraad maakt niet uit, ik zal snel genoeg sterven.

Nog even nadenken over methoden.

Hoe dan ook nog steeds van plan om vandaag ook niet te

zelfmoord is easy zoek gwn een goed touw ankerpunt en trap de stoel weg ik doe morgen om 02:00 snachts

waarom ben ik er nog ik heb zelf 21jaar in coma gezeten door zware autisme heb veel moete slapen men hoofd stond op exploderen 21 jaar ik ben er uit gekomen na 22jaar heb 1 jaar geleeft sportbetting was men hobby ma nu ik het leven zie ga ik er gwn weer netjes uit
ben dankbaar dak 1 jaar heb geleeft haha 21 jaar geslapen ik heb touw en anker punt ma had nooit echt de ballen in die 1 jaar nu wel ben ready om me om 02:00 op te hange

 

[アホペンギン]

zelfmoord is easy zoek gwn een goed touw ankerpunt en trap de stoel weg ik doe morgen om 02:00 snachts

waarom ben ik er nog ik heb zelf 21jaar in coma gezeten door zware autisme heb veel moete slapen men hoofd stond op exploderen 21 jaar ik ben er uit gekomen na 22jaar heb 1 jaar geleeft sportbetting was men hobby ma nu ik het leven zie ga ik er gwn weer netjes uit
ben dankbaar dak 1 jaar heb geleeft haha 21 jaar geslapen ik heb touw en anker punt ma had nooit echt de ballen in die 1 jaar nu wel ben ready om me om 02:00 op te hange

is that dutch? I didn't know there were dutch speaking people here. It is quite ignorant on my behalf but its cool that theres many more languages besides english spoken on SaSu. I'm glad.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly wish that it's easier to finally be free from everything, I hope that you eventually find what you search for, to me it's cruel how we cannot just choose to fall asleep eternally. And I see eating food as being a burden and a chore so it's understandable to me why one would wish to avoid that but I hope it doesn't lead to much more suffering, best wishes.

 

[shootemallagain]

Ik zou zeker willen dat het makkelijker is om eindelijk vrij te zijn van alles, ik hoop dat je uiteindelijk vindt wat je zoekt, voor mij is het wreed hoe we er niet zomaar voor kunnen kiezen om eeuwig in slaap te vallen. En ik zie eten als een last en een karwei, dus het is voor mij begrijpelijk waarom je dat zou willen vermijden, maar ik hoop dat het niet tot veel meer lijden leidt, beste wensen.

hoezo kan jij er ni uit je kan je ergens wel aan ophange

Is dat Nederlands? Ik wist niet dat er hier Nederlandstaligen waren. Het is vrij onwetend namens mij, maar het is cool dat er veel meer talen naast het Engels gesproken op SaSu. Ik ben blij.

Is dat Nederlands? Ik wist niet dat er hier Nederlandstaligen waren. Het is vrij onwetend namens mij, maar het is cool dat er veel meer talen naast het Engels gesproken op SaSu. Ik ben blij.

de hele wereld zit op ss lol alleen gebruik ik vertaler is makkelijker voor me

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Don't starve yourself, even if you have no desire to eat, please eat something. Starvation is a very unreliable method, it takes too long and its a very painful process. Even if your method isn't starvation, just eat something, anything. I know the struggle of ctb and how hard it is to do, but i promise you that someday, you will achieve it. Just don't starve yourself.

Im not starving to CTB/ this isn't my method. I have/struggle with eating disorders.

I don't want to eat so I don't plan to anytime soon. I've just reached my breaking point. I'm at the place where starving feels good again.

But thnx for the advice anyway.

 

[アホペンギン]

Im not starving to CTB/ this isn't my method. I have/struggle with eating disorders.

I don't want to eat so I don't plan to anytime soon.

But thnx for the advice anyway.

ah okay, i should've assumed that you have an eating disorder, sorry. But please try to eat, if you can.

 

[deomlez]

is that dutch? I didn't know there were dutch speaking people here. It is quite ignorant on my behalf but its cool that theres many more languages besides english spoken on SaSu. I'm glad.

Pas seulement du néerlandais

 

[アホペンギン]

Pas seulement du néerlandais

oui je sais qu'il y a des personnes qui parlent français ici

 

[アホペンギン]

Good luck, I'd hate to starve for a few weeks as a method.

they said that they're not doing it to ctb, they suffer with eating disorders. Its fine though, i assumed the same at first too

 

[OnceThougtTwiceDone]

they said that they're not doing it to ctb, they suffer with eating disorders. Its fine though, i assumed the same at first too

Oh, I usually just do a quick skim through the comment before I do. My mistake

 

[アホペンギン]

Oh, I usually just do a quick skim through the comment before I do. My mistake

Its alright, no worries

 

[Sweet Tart]

I cycle between not eating and overeating. I can see how not eating is comforting.

My thing is having "meal of the day." I have one meal midday and snack in the evening. This is not a diet type of thing- it's just all I'm capable of. Sometimes I binge on pretzels or something and call it a day, with no actual meals, as preparing a meal can be way too much effort and focus for me. When I am able, I cook food that will last for a few days.

 

[d3c96524be95]

I have the same type of eating disorder when I'm down (except I can only drink water and not soda). I can't explain this behavior completely either, I reckon it's some kind of self-harming but there's more to it. I enjoy how weak and vulnerable it makes me feel, with all my thoughts blurred and slowed down due to the lack of energy. It also removes the need to find something to eat 2 or 3 times per day *every day*, which is a very annoying constraint in life (meals are one of the many reasons why life is so boring). Let alone the social aspect of meals (mouth noises, pointless small talks, everyone's opinion on the meal and other random topics, …). After one complete day of fasting, I get passed that unpleasant feeling of hunger and I can just fast for as long as my body allows me. I tend to sleep better and make very vivid and weird dreams. I can go on like this for weeks, just eating the bare minimum when absolutely necessary. What's more, Xanax feels so much stronger on an empty stomach.

 

[deomlez]

I have the same type of eating disorder when I'm down (except I can only drink water and not soda). I can't explain this behavior completely either, I reckon it's some kind of self-harming but there's more to it. I enjoy how weak and vulnerable it makes me feel, with all my thoughts blurred and slowed down due to the lack of energy. It also removes the need to find something to eat 2 or 3 times per day *every day*, which is a very annoying constraint in life (meals are one of the many reasons why life is so boring). Let alone the social aspect of meals (mouth noises, pointless small talks, everyone's opinion on the meal and other random topics, …). After one complete day of fasting, I get passed that unpleasant feeling of hunger and I can just fast for as long as my body allows me. I tend to sleep better and make very vivid and weird dreams. I can go on like this for weeks, just eating the bare minimum when absolutely necessary. What's more, Xanax feels so much stronger on an empty stomach.

I m in phase with all - except for xanax, i don't use that. Yes eating is boring, 3 times a day... earth turns around food and sex. Wtf ?

 

[Baron]

I sometimes also skip eating. I just don't feel any taste while eating, all I thinking about is my fat body, eating is driving me nuts. I've been eating one meal a day for 2 months now and lost a ton of weight, but my body still looks terrible. It will always look terrible, because I am terrible. Eating is driving me crazy, I hate myself for every bite I take. I hate myself for succumbing to my worldy desires. Even though I know I don't make any sence, since eating is essential, I still hate every second of it.

 

[stage4johnny]

zelfmoord is easy zoek gwn een goed touw ankerpunt en trap de stoel weg ik doe morgen om 02:00 snachts

waarom ben ik er nog ik heb zelf 21jaar in coma gezeten door zware autisme heb veel moete slapen men hoofd stond op exploderen 21 jaar ik ben er uit gekomen na 22jaar heb 1 jaar geleeft sportbetting was men hobby ma nu ik het leven zie ga ik er gwn weer netjes uit
ben dankbaar dak 1 jaar heb geleeft haha 21 jaar geslapen ik heb touw en anker punt ma had nooit echt de ballen in die 1 jaar nu wel ben ready om me om 02:00 op te hange

WTF???

 

[OnceThougtTwiceDone]

WTF???

People speak other languages, Johnny.

 

[Aisley]

I see your deconstruction. That's it. Nothing more useful to say for u atm, just that you've been seen, and I get where you are. Kinda sinking myself these days. It's real hard to go forward (in any direction) and make plans. Like when people say it's like smoke, in that unreal, or intangible sense.

 

[PhuckLife]

I just stopped. Not entirely sure why. Starving to death isnt easy or like even plausible way to die so its not really about that. The stress of food becomes too much at times like this. Starving just feels better tbh.

I've been allowing myself 1-2cups of soda a day. To at least keep some sugar in my blood and all.

I've been mostly sleeping all day anyway. Up for a few mins to an hour and then back to sleep for up to a couple of hours.



My childish hope is that I die in my sleep but ik that's incredibly unlikely so the starving rn is just self serving in ways I'm not really sure why or anything.


I have no plans to reach out to anyone and I've told my main supports to leave me alone. For the first time in awhile I am alone unless I reach out. I prefer it this way rn.

I am not feeling too weak physically or anything. Yesterday I was fine/ able to brush my teeth & wash my face.

I wish it was easier to die. But the difficulty level doesn't matter I will die soon enough.

Still just contemplating methods.

Anyway still planning to not eat today too.

I am sorry your going through that. I go through that too... I've been barely eating too. I think, maybe I could just starve myself into a quiet exit...
I wish humans could just internally say to their brain, okay this is not working, So we will quietly permanently shutdown during the next sleep cycle. I wish I could just step out of my body while it's sleepping and quietly walk off into the unknown. If I dont have the option to get off this roller coaster than it's not fair to judge the ride or rider..especially since I didn't ask for this life.

 

[deomlez]

A few weeks ago i realized that starving is a sh. It seems obvious but wasn t for me. I punished myself but i don t know why i feel guilty... i have worked on it with my therapist but i still ignore it. She said trauma from chilhood but i m not convinced. I mean, yeah i am 50+ and smart, so i should have go over that.
So the question is why do you feel guiltry ?

 

[MerryGoDown]

If it's a SH it's such a comforting way to do it.
Anyone know a thread on how to CTB by starvation? I just want to know the research or there