I used to be homeless too. I spent a couple years on the streets in my teens and actually enjoyed much of the experience. I met some beautiful people and built some beautiful relationships. The winter was tough but the love we shared for eachother kept us going. I met some very wise people too, people who've been doing this their whole life and are now totally comfortable on the streets and trains. I looked up to them and their wisdom and learned a lot from them. (Trigger warning) Eventually my group and I started getting more deep in our drug usage and I ended up being the only one who hadn't used needles yet, so I was watching as everyone fell apart and started turning on eachother. I tried my best to hold them together but I could only do it for so long because I was falling apart too. I became a dark twisted version of myself out of defense and started hating the world. The people I cared for were selling their bodies and souls for a high or survival or both, seeing them (and eventually myself) tremble and shake from withdrawals practically killed me from the inside.
I got arrested and went to many treatment programs as I was still a youth and the state was "responsible" for making me recover. I ran from alot but eventually found one that did a bit of good (or at least I thought). I'm now living on my own in an apartment, with a job and nice things but I still feel out of place. Sometimes I think my life would be better if I abandoned all these fancy things and went back to the simple life. I'm currently on the edge of CTB and the only thing stopping me is survival instinct, love for my family and a desire to experience some of the rare good moments in life. But I'm pretty sure im gonna choose a method and buy the ingredients in the coming weeks. You're not alone
