Venting I shouldnt have to suffer and stay alive just to be a background character in someone elses life

[contemplatingjaahil]

I postponed suicide for a long time as I was worried that I would hurt my loved ones. But I realised that no matter how much I love them or they love me, I'm just a background character in their life. Im their sister, daughter, friend. Why should I have to suffer and endure a terrible life just so THEY dont have to suffer? Im the one who has to live with this struggle. Sure my death will hurt them but they will eventually move on with their lives. I will always suffer as long as I remain alive. I dont care if that makes me selfish.

 

[WornOutLife]

Nobody should be anybody's else background character.

I hope you can become one of the MAIN characters!

Hugs and love

Matt

 

[Good4Nothing]

So much this.
Not long ago I told my best friend of 30 years that I wanted to kill myself.
He said "think of what that would do to me!"
We hardly even see each other anymore. He doesn't call, text or email. I've seen him maybe six times in the past 10 years.
I'm a background character. I have literally nothing to do with his life, at all.
But I'm supposed to stay alive for him.

 

[loopylou]

I know exactly how you are feeling.
I'm the background character in my family. One that nobody really talks to unless shit hits the fan and they ' need' me. I sort their shit out and it's Back to ignoring me or blaming me for their problems. They would pretend to give a hoots when I'm dead but if you really got inside their heads, they probably don't care one bit

 

[LastFlowers]

I have said basically the same thing before, that I don't want to be an accoutrement to someone else's life, to be a familiar vase in their home, only to fill a dusty corner so that they don't have to look at an empty space. Forced to witness all their joy while I rot and waste away. What torture.
Your statement really resonates with me, although my death would not cause anyone I know any great degree of pain, if any at all. All the more reason, not to play this tiny, invisible, pathetic role in their lives-movies starring them and people they care about far more than me.

 

[mini_weeny]

We should have learned a long time ago that the only important person is me, myself and I. We are stupid for living for others, we get hurt and they just don't care at all.

 

[fred farkle]

Me I am all alone. So I can ctb when I choose.

 

[Ragtime piano]

I understand your feelings. I was a middle child along into the crevasse between high flying domineering elder brother and adored younger sister. My parents never nurtured me and would seem unperturbed if I ran away for a day or went to hang out with tramps by the canal ....

but yeah I'm still here now in my 50's. The hurts of the past are still shadows in my psyche but there are consolations . Maybe you're not in the right tribe
but your tribe will be out there - people who get you and want to support you.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I can understand how you must be feeling. Sometimes it's far more appealing to be a plot device through ctb'ing than to remain a background character. Who knows, you could end up being somebody's tragic motivation to better their own lives although you could also be the catalyst to create some villain. Who knows.

 

[FarAcrossTheWater]

Honestly, I don't think it's morally impermissible to suffer for the satisfaction of others.

 

[LastFlowers]

I can understand how you must be feeling. Sometimes it's far more appealing to be a plot device through ctb'ing than to remain a background character. Who knows, you could end up being somebody's tragic motivation to better their own lives although you could also be the catalyst to create some villain. Who knows.

Interesting take, although I think too many people use a loved one's death as a catalyst-less to be a better person, and more to seem like one. Social media antics, attention seeking and "woe is me" behavior, even when they tossed aside the deceased when they were alive.
Or worse, they become active in the prevention of suicide movement, in your name.
The fucking horror.
That is not a story I want to write the preface to lol.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

If somebody else does not care or bother with you, or just does not make the same effort for you as you did with them then you should not feel guilty for leaving them behind. If they do not want to be a part of your life when you are here, now, then they have no place dictating what you do with it.

You say that you do not care if it makes you selfish - I do not think that you are, but for the sake of argument lets say that you are selfish. So what?
Are they not equally selfish for treating you as second best? Are they not selfish, too, for the pain they may have caused you once you found out that you are not a high-priority to them? It works both ways.

 

[Darkpheonix]

If somebody else does not care or bother with you, or just does not make the same effort for you as you did with them then you should not feel guilty for leaving them behind. If they do not want to be a part of your life when you are here, now, then they have no place dictating what you do with it.

You say that you do not care if it makes you selfish - I do not think that you are, but for the sake of argument lets say that you are selfish. So what?
Are they not equally selfish for treating you as second best? Are they not selfish, too, for the pain they may have caused you once you found out that you are not a high-priority to them? It works both ways.

Very well said! Not wanting to tar everyone with the same brush but...this IS what the world is full of. Those of us who really care, are genuine and put ourselves out there are the ones who always hurt and that need to find a way out is inevitable

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Very good way of putting it. There is suffering regardless, suffering of the suicidal person and suffering of anyone that will be hurt by them leaving, can't expect people to stick around just so that people don't have to have a little suffering.

 

[DeadButDreaming]

That's a great way of articulating it.