I do know a little bit about how that feels. From the moment I first sought counselling for anxiety in my first year of university, to my first two suicide attempts and multiple psychiatric hospitalizations, my mother kept telling me that there was nothing wrong with me. She even said I was just being overly dramatic and had harmed my future prospects by creating a paper trail of medical interventions that I didn't actually need. It felt awful, especially when I was getting more compassion from strangers than from my own mother, so for years I just stopped disclosing any health details to her. (Once when she phoned me, I was in an a psych ward but I told her I was on a business trip. She overheard the nurse bellowing "medication time, ladies!" and I told her it was just people in the hotel being drunk and rowdy. Another time when I was living with her, I ended up in the hospital, but the psych ward was full so they put me in another unit. I enlisted the help of a friend to create an "alibi" for the first few nights, but after that I had to disclose my location. I concocted a story about being hospitalized for a physical ailment, as a physical ailment was more acceptable to her than a mental one. She kept coming to visit, and I was terrified that the nurse would come in and blow my cover!). It wasn't until my third, most lethal, attempt that she finally realized there was something really wrong. She felt horrible about how she had treated me, and explained that she was in denial because she didn't want to believe that her child was actually suffering that much, or question whether it had anything to do with her parenting skills. I have forgiven her and now we are pretty close, but those prior years were very bleak. I remember thinking "what the hell is wrong with me that even my own mother won't take me seriously?"
I can't speculate on why your family reacts the way they do, or if they might come around some day like my mom did, but I will say that how others treat you is a reflection on them, and NOT an indication of your worth. You are a human being, and you are suffering right now. You are worthy of care, compassion, and support. I am very sorry that you are not getting it.
Are you able to seek out any support from a counsellor or a doctor? Maybe you could text a friend or acquaintance with a Happy New Year message? Not necessarily to discuss what you are going through, but just to feel even a small, temporary connection to another human. It's something I do occasionally, and it doesn't cure anything (obviously…I'm on this site too…), but it is a momentary reprieve from the torture in my brain.
I really hope that you somehow get some of the human compassion that you deserve right now.
