Venting i see no way out

[miawMiaws2]

my life is ruined, every aspect of it.
last year i changed schools looking for a better life, better grades, better friends but all i got was bullied for the first time in my life, beatings, racism(xenophobia?), and i got sexually assulted. i tried fighting back, i tried contacting someone but nothing and i mean nothing worked.
this year i went back to my old school. it was worst. but not bullying wise, i had constant paranoia and anxiety i had no friends horrible grades and i ruined my last chance at success...
my parents never wanted me and they warned me that as soon as i turned 18 i would be kicked out of my house. Now im 18, im gonna have to repeat 12th grade and ill be homeless in a week. i have no family members, no friends, no one who would care to help me, no one who would even care to look at me.
ive always thought of suicide as something peaceful (often associated with old people) i would one day be content with the life i had and with my own choice put a end to it. my happy ending.
now i see it as the unescapable future, i see it as the only thing i can do. i feel like i have no choice.. i dont want to see myself ruined i just want to end it before it gets worst but for some reason i still havent been able to just do it. its like i have the chance and i just turn off., its not that im afraid its like i just stop without thinking... i dont know what to do i dont know what will set me off i just want to be over with it on my own terms and end it in a sad but happy note

any words of advice would be appreciated
english isnt first language

 

[Catastrofe]

What you wrote touched me deeply, I am very very sorry this is happening to you, it is very unfair and heavy to cope with. I do not really have advices, and I hope you will get what I write in rhe right way : 18 is a very young age, and there is plenty of time and chances for your life to get better. If you have no friends and if you were bullied it does not mean you are wrong, it just means you met the wrong people - namely stupid and horrible people, better to get rid of.

Is there any way you can get help from social services where you live? Is there any association that take care of young people in severe difficulties? Is there any school councelor you can talk to? Is there any place that give you basic law advice for free?

I do not mean to tell you what to do, it is your choice. And I know how it feels like when you do not see any way to escape the situation.
But you are just starting your own life, and you have the power to make it better.

Keep us posted!

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's heartbreaking what you have to endure in such a young age. Your parents are irresponsible how they treat you, you should have all the support from them you need. Unfortunately I cannot do more but sending kind words and virtual hugs over to you. I wish you all the best and in such a young age it's never too late!!

 

[FuneralCry]

It's horrible how humans are so cruel in this world and it does sound so awful what you are going through, it's especially awful when people selfishly force life here just to treat that person so badly. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Slasher]

People are unfortunately very cruel and I'm so sorry to hear you go trough this at such an age. there is not really much advice I could give that you would want to hear. I hope you find a solution much love.