I see myself in the victims of hanging

[Surai]

And so ill travel the world with my bare feet. And let anything go through them. All cut up and bloodied. This is life. So meditate on imminent death. Fact. Everyday for 12 to 14 hours. I can feel my brain swell and dispose. And Even i start to lose myself. My hair falls out. The human body can look so bare at times. This weird vessel we all sit in. And the way its made is so. I don't even have the words. Don't try. I know this world better then I know myself. Kill myself and then revive again. This cycle. This sleep. It makes a person go mad with anger and hate. Creator of the heavens of the earth. "Why?" is the best word you could present to a god. Why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why. Please please kill me. Please please kill me. I don't love. I see myself in the victims of hanging. Truly this is a way of beauty. Oh so quick, Oh so long. You don't need any mark on this world. Just an endless escape and you are disposed of quickly. Thank you lord for this beautiful gift of death. As always said there isn't life without death, and i think Ive lived.

 

[attheend13]

And so ill travel the world with my bare feet. And let anything go through them. All cut up and bloodied. This is life. So meditate on imminent death. Fact. Everyday for 12 to 14 hours. I can feel my brain swell and dispose. And Even i start to lose myself. My hair falls out. The human body can look so bare at times. This weird vessel we all sit in. And the way its made is so. I don't even have the words. Don't try. I know this world better then I know myself. Kill myself and then revive again. This cycle. This sleep. It makes a person go mad with anger and hate. Creator of the heavens of the earth. "Why?" is the best word you could present to a god. Why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why. Please please kill me. Please please kill me. I don't love. I see myself in the victims of hanging. Truly this is a way of beauty. Oh so quick, Oh so long. You don't need any mark on this world. Just an endless escape and you are disposed of quickly. Thank you lord for this beautiful gift of death. As always said there isn't life without death, and i think Ive lived.

It's so telling that you phrased it "victim" of hanging. I've never thought of suicide that way. It is for me a choice. Maybe the only one I will ever truly have. You write with the elegance of a poet. Often I think of what our lives could have been if our joy, our purpose was what led us. Like Joseph Campbell advised; follow your bliss. I leaned into that in my 20's to try to silence the words in my head, all that rhetoric from mom and dad. All those words spoken in honesty and hate. I did follow my bliss and it broke me. So I rallied and had the audacity of hope for the 10th time in my life. But life is pain. I want there to be more. I want it all to mean something but I've looked. There's nothing. I've said the things you just said a million times through what seems like a millennia of years. Begging the sky for mercy. Just mercy. But the sky is silent. And I don't hear that inner voice anymore. But I'll be there on the other side travelling as you put it so poetically, in bare feet. If you see me say hi. I really could use a friend.