I resent my family for keeping me here.

[ghostbird]

The only reason I'm alive right now is because of my mum. She has more or less told me that she'll also kill herself if I kill myself. I hate that I feel this way but I feel so burdened by her feelings. I feel like she's keeping me here solely for her own benefit. I resent her for being my reason to live. I wish she could just let me go.

 

[stagnatedhostage]

Yeah, it's hard when you actually have something to live for. Try finding new sources of happiness, it will help you go through this.

I hope everything works out for you.

 

[warm dreams]

I feel like a piece of shit, but I'll tell it like it is: I sometimes waited for my grandmother to die so that I could kill myself with peace of mind. Fortunately or unfortunately, my grandmother is still alive, and I will kill myself very soon. I hate myself.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

The only reason I'm alive right now is because of my mum. She has more or less told me that she'll also kill herself if I kill myself.

This is a very, very difficult position to be in. I get where your mom may be coming, that losing you this way may be something she'll not be able to live with for the rest of her life but I don't like how it's piled onto you like this, I think it's manipulative in some sense and unfair to your decision but unfortunately, since we are beings that can get emotionally attached, there aren't many things that can be done for anyone to not feel a thing should you ctb.

I feel like she's keeping me here solely for her own benefi

I'd feel exactly the same way, she's basically placing a burden on you to keep being here for her benefit.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Yeah, it's like we're being held hostage in a prison world of emotional blackmail.

 

[KSZ]

I understand you. It's really hard to do anything yourself when you have a person like that. Maybe, you should explain to her how you feel and just try to do it. I hope you get your end on this. It's a really hard situation, and complicated one, as I have been in one before.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

i understand what you're going through. Mine also told me that she's not sure to stay if i leave. She enjoy living wich is not my case so i do not want to make her life misery and torturous. the issue is that my life if is absolute torture since long time ago and i do not see any possibility to make it bearable.
I'm not sure to be able to ctb in less than 2 years because of it. if i can't, this is good for her and my father. for me it is hell. if i can, it is perfect for me but hell for them. This is a awful situation to be in...

 

[Deleted member 65988]

But this is why I also just wouldn't tell people about ctb because people will get really emotional when ctb is brought up and say things like this in order to keep you from doing anything, it's also to pile the guilt on you knowing that if you ctb then your mother will follow so you'll be to blame for that, it's absolutely unnecessary and toxic in my opinion.

 

[sorrowful]

My grandmother passed recently from cancer. My grandfather tells me I am all he has left and he does not know what he would do without me.

I am stuck. I feel evil for wanting to leave but I feel myself growing more and more tired. I cannot live the way way I am. I would hardly even call it living.

 

[dreamingofrest]

I'm in the same place with my family. My mom and sister are the only reasons I'm still here now. I wish I could hold on for them more.

 

[silentnights56]

The only reason I'm alive right now is because of my mum. She has more or less told me that she'll also kill herself if I kill myself. I hate that I feel this way but I feel so burdened by her feelings. I feel like she's keeping me here solely for her own benefit. I resent her for being my reason to live. I wish she could just let me go.

Yes I absolutely resent how family directly or indirectly forces one to live when they clearly do not want to

 

[Fractal]

I feel bad for what my death may cause them to go through. However, my parents medically neglected the ever living shit out of me. They didn't give a damn about my Type 1 diabetes as a little kid and my entire childhood. Some of our families contributed to our deaths, or even caused them. I was eating candy and ice cream frequently and my mom never had me see a school nurse and never taught me to count carbs even when it was obvious that i was lethargic and barely any energy to go to school and back. But i was just lazy apparently. I waited for my dad to pass because he said he would off himself if i did. I can't wait for my mom or brother to pass. That'll take far too long. I hope my brother can keep going without me.

 

[kermudgeon]

The only reason I'm alive right now is because of my mum. She has more or less told me that she'll also kill herself if I kill myself. I hate that I feel this way but I feel so burdened by her feelings. I feel like she's keeping me here solely for her own benefit. I resent her for being my reason to live. I wish she could just let me go.

I'm in exactly the same position- I never even mentioned ctb before she said it either, she just noticed I felt awful and took that option away. I love her but I also hugely resent her for this and I think it's selfish of anyone to force another to stay just because they might be sad.