Venting I relapsed today and now I sit in emptiness

[turbomightbegone]

today, ive relapsed for the first time in over 2 years
i usually bruise myself by throwing myself against my bedroom walls, it was a way to cope with s/h
i thought i was recovering from marking my arm with a blade but ig not
a fucking craft knife. I used a small fucking craft knife from aliexpress to ruin my recovery
a knife that i got because i wanted to cut paper
a small cute retractable crafting knife with a fucking cat paw on the end.
now im just sitting here in regret, i haven't cried yet
I just feel so empty. not sad, not regretful. just empty.
as I look at my exposed arm, cut and bleeding
god I feel so sick, what have I done
what the actual fuck have i done
now my arm stings and is red with small little marks
now I'll be walking around with my arm stained
what have I done

 

[bloodystarzklt]

i'm sorry to hear that but try not to be too harsh on yourself, sending you lots of love.<3

 

[donsie]

My hurts to imagine you all alone over there.

 

[UKscotty]

These things happen, took me a while to recover from SH.. maybe 5 years. Been free of it since 2014 so it is possible.

Just have to not beat you self up.. no pun intended lol.

I say it all the time here but google and YouTube elastic bands for self harm.. I found them a literal life saver. I no longer use them either.