Venting I relapsed (Fent)

[opheliaoveragain]

I had beaten so many personal records. but losing that particular friend the way I did, things were set in motion. I had five hundred days and some change. this isn't an uncommon situation, unfortunately. all the more reason for me to say, look out for your friends when they lose someone, esp if both parties have substance abuse issues.

I know it was a choice. but addiction is a beast.
if you can't relate, I consider you extremely lucky. fentanyl in particular is hard. I have a pre disposition to high and fast tolerance. the biggest win right now is not buying more.

I just ran out. next comes the withdrawals. i'm hoping since my slip was only a few days, the kick won't be crazy long.

I can't promise anyone anything. I don't have anyone irl I can tell about this.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

Talking the stuff you can tell anyone irl is a beautiful reason for this community to exist. You don't need to promise us anything, just here's hoping you don't make thing's harder for yourself. I got no experience with substance addiction, although I do have quite an addictive personality that expresses itself in other areas, so I can't imagine how you felt, but you're perfectly aware of what and why you did it. Doesn't change anything, but it's a lot and it's something you can rely on if you want to try and stay sober again.

Take care of yourself during withdrawal and remember it's that, withdrawal, you understand what's going on and know why it's happening so maybe that'll help you deal with it better. Do you think distractions help?

 

[StrugglingSienna]

I can relate so much. I'm six hundred and fifteen days clean from meth. And I can guarantee you that if something like that happened to me, I would be relapsing immediately.

Try to remember that this slip-up doesn't negate the five-hundred-something days you were able to bare without fentanyl. That is still a major victory. I know that the tendency is to view a relapse as negating all of that progress, but it doesn't. You can be proud of those 500 days, still. If you're able to stay clean after this slip up I would personally continue counting from five-hundred-something instead of starting back at zero. That is what I have done for my own slip-ups.

From one addict to another, I am so proud of you. The fact that it took a traumatic event like that for you to relapse says far more about your strength than the relapse itself.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

thank you both. distractions pass the time which is essentially what I need to do.

thank you SS, for your words regarding a day reset. I felt conflicted but less so now. as long as I don't buy more, you know?

 

[Michi_Violeta]

thank you both. distractions pass the time which is essentially what I need to do.

thank you SS, for your words regarding a day reset. I felt conflicted but less so now. as long as I don't buy more, you know?

I think @StrugglingSienna has a great point. Sometimes we get too focused on a number, on keeping a 100% rate at something, and in reality, well, not even a world champion has 100% rate at what they do. You had a great streak, that's no mean feat! I used to tell something similar to myself when racing because sometimes I had a night off when I messed up my launches and times and stuff, but it's like Sienna said, it doesn't take away from the nights I won races and clocked good times. Didn't make me a bad racer, just a guy with good days and bad days like everyone.

If you think talking helps you distract, feel free to PM or send a chat invite. At certain point it all becomes a matter of passing the time, I'm there too

 

[CatLvr]

@opheliaoveragain Given what you have been thru and the short amount of time in which those things have happened I am extremely proud of you and what you have accomplished, and have no doubt you will get up, pick the gravel out of your ass and move on down the road -- stronger and wiser than you were before these unfortunate events happened.

Losing a friend is NEVER easy. Losing a friend like you did can be unbearable. My heart breaks for you.

May the gods and goddesses comfort you and wrap you in their love. Blessed be, my sister.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

@opheliaoveragain Given what you have been thru and the short amount of time in which those things have happened I am extremely proud of you and what you have accomplished, and have no doubt you will get up, pick the gravel out of your ass and move on down the road -- stronger and wiser than you were before these unfortunate events happened.

Losing a friend is NEVER easy. Losing a friend like you did can be unbearable. My heart breaks for you.

May the gods and goddesses comfort you and wrap you in their love. Blessed be, my sister.

love you sweet friend. thank you for being so supportive and understanding.

 

[Nobody'sHero]

Listen during your troubles <3

 

[ladylazarus4]

I'm so sorry, about your friend and about the relapse. Maybe you've heard of dialectical abstinence? I'm sure it's similar to what you're doing right now to get clean again, but maybe worth reading about?

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

Hey,
I'm sure I've bored a few people here senseless with this, but it was life changing for me. I've had a life filled with people saying nonsense like "you're too hard on yourself" & my brain screaming "no, you're just not hard enough on yourself, motherfucker" while smiling politely. It's never once registered as truth, merely annoying platitudes.
But one day, here, talking about the things I can't talk about IRL, the whole reason I'm here, Bear said "show yourself grace". And for once, I didn't swat it away. I have said it out loud every single day, I have tried every single day. I have not always been succesful. But somehow, the sheer empathy & humanity of a stranger here, reached into me & accomplished real, measurable change, in a way that years of every kind of therapy could not. Three words from SaSu. From Bear. I don't have the delivery that Bear did, but show yourself grace, O.
We are but human.
And it's really fucking hard.

 

[rozeske]

I won't pretend to know about your journey and your struggles with addiction but I am sure it wasn't easy getting to this point and it wasn't an easy choice to relapse. All we can do is try our best with what are given and I'm sure you did your best. I wish you strength in doing what's best for you going forward o.

 

[bhaloo]

Can relate and empathize. Am addicted to Meth

 

[opheliaoveragain]

thank you to everyone here. I am two days clean today. my kick was fast, hopefully bc of cleaner product but regardless.

THANK YOU. thank you giving a fuck and reminding me of it. i'm gonna try again, for my friend that overdosed. I know he wants to see me clean wherever he is.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

just flitting in to say I fucking made it to the other side of withdrawals. it could have been so much worse and for that im thankful to whatever determines this type of shit chemically.

thank you all of you. you know who you are. I have so much love for so many of you, you have no idea. if you're thinking about relapsing and are reading this,

talk to me first, if you want. but if not, try to hear me out. wait a day. wait 2. wait 3. if you have the connect they aren't gonna stop wanting to take your money but you may feel differently about going backwards and hurting your body in a way you have zero control over.

 

[deadbidaylight]

I'm late to the game but I just want to say how proud I am of you for being open and honest and vulnerable to all of us about your struggles and your relapse. I'm also insanely proud that you didn't let it swallow you up and lose yourself in the process. Acknowledging the relapse and getting back control of the situation so quickly is nothing short of incredible and worth celebrating. You are one badass bitch! Congratulations!

So glad to see your name on here again. I've been thinking about you ever since your post about his passing, and wondering how you were faring. I'm so happy to hear you've made it out the other end. Love you girl

 

[opheliaoveragain]

I'm late to the game but I just want to say how proud I am of you for being open and honest and vulnerable to all of us about your struggles and your relapse. I'm also insanely proud that you didn't let it swallow you up and lose yourself in the process. Acknowledging the relapse and getting back control of the situation so quickly is nothing short of incredible and worth celebrating. You are one badass bitch! Congratulations!

So glad to see your name on here again. I've been thinking about you ever since your post about his passing, and wondering how you were faring. I'm so happy to hear you've made it out the other end. Love you girl

bless you friend. I always love seeing your name. thank you for your words. love right back.


thank y'all for letting me be vulnerable and not judging me.

this is how we take care of each other.

 

[AllAloneAndSad]

I had beaten so many personal records. but losing that particular friend the way I did, things were set in motion. I had five hundred days and some change. this isn't an uncommon situation, unfortunately. all the more reason for me to say, look out for your friends when they lose someone, esp if both parties have substance abuse issues.

I know it was a choice. but addiction is a beast.
if you can't relate, I consider you extremely lucky. fentanyl in particular is hard. I have a pre disposition to high and fast tolerance. the biggest win right now is not buying more.

I just ran out. next comes the withdrawals. i'm hoping since my slip was only a few days, the kick won't be crazy long.

I can't promise anyone anything. I don't have anyone irl I can tell about this.

You are a positive force here. I have not signed up but I have read your messages. You are a plus and we all relapse. I have been here for months looking and learning and I am more than ready. Keep pushing forward since you are someone that provides great insight into your own story so we can all learn and relate. We all relapse.