I guess I am looking for advice...Like...My mom is abusive, duh! We all know the drill...but here's how I finally went to contact:
My mom's birthday was in October. Just last month. I went down to visit her to buy her dinner. (I moved out 4 years ago and have visited her 3 times a year since then, meanwhile she's only visited me once, when I guilted her into it).
Anyway...My boyfriend and I were going through a really rocky moment. He is my first boyfriend, and we've been together for 2-and-a-half years. My mom knows I love him..But, right before visiting my mom, my boyfriend and I were talking about breaking up - we hadn't decided yet, but it seemed probable.
I told my mom about this, naturally. Told her that I don't want to lose him, that he means a lot to me. She said "There are other guys out there" and that's it.
Anyway, we celebrated her birthday, and as usual I did a lot of chores/errands on her behalf, like I always do. I did refuse to go to the store for her and get her pop - and she was passive-aggressive about it the whole day, saying stuff like "I would ask you if you could hold this for a second, but you don't want me to ask that" or "well, I'm going to have to make several trips inside now, since I can't ask you to help me" etc etc.
man I am rambling hard, my brain is foggy...
After dinner, my mom said "So tomorrow we can make these bell peppers" and I said "I'm not sure if I'll stay the night". She said, "I thought you were going to" (I had NEVER said I would stay the night). I said "Well, maybe..."
Then my boyfriend texted me that he wanted to talk. I told my mom this, and I went out to my car and called him. TL;DR - he basically confirmed he was breaking up with me, but wanted to wait to make it official in person.
My heart was completely shattered. Like. Forget my mom and her nonsense, this is a relationship I thought would lead to marriage. We live together, adopted cats together. It's a very serious relationship that I fought tooth and nail to make work...that he was ending.
Of course, I started ugly balling. I went into my mom's house, tears rushing down my eyes. Literally choking and gasping from the pain. I said, "Mom, I don't think I can stay the night. (bf) is breaking up with me...I don't think I can fall asleep here. I want to go home".
Do you know what her response was?
She literally slammed her arms down on her legs, WITH AGGRESSION. "Whatever, [my name]. I knew you weren't going to stay anyway, even though you said you would".
She then rolled her eyes and looked away from me...
So I grabbed my purse and left...and, some things have happened since then (I sent 1 paragraph and that's it, but she's sent me several texts)...one text was "I get it. You're going no contact. Still need the insurance money." (our car insurance is bundled, so I send my half to her).
Anyway...I can give more details if needed...but basically:::
I have a strong desire to call, text, or show up..And angrily tell her all the ways she's abused me, tell her she's a horrible person, etc...or, dial it down a little and just point out the ways she's been abusive. (Again, a lot to get into, but she has almost murdered me 3 times - like, one time she choked me and I couldn't breathe, and she laughed at me during this incident).
I'm very lost...confused...hurt..and wondering why it took me this long to break things off. She almost killed me, and I still went back to her time and time again? It breaks my fucking heart. The hope I had that one day, she'd realize her wrongs, apologize, and change for the better...
My mom's birthday was in October. Just last month. I went down to visit her to buy her dinner. (I moved out 4 years ago and have visited her 3 times a year since then, meanwhile she's only visited me once, when I guilted her into it).
Anyway...My boyfriend and I were going through a really rocky moment. He is my first boyfriend, and we've been together for 2-and-a-half years. My mom knows I love him..But, right before visiting my mom, my boyfriend and I were talking about breaking up - we hadn't decided yet, but it seemed probable.
I told my mom about this, naturally. Told her that I don't want to lose him, that he means a lot to me. She said "There are other guys out there" and that's it.
Anyway, we celebrated her birthday, and as usual I did a lot of chores/errands on her behalf, like I always do. I did refuse to go to the store for her and get her pop - and she was passive-aggressive about it the whole day, saying stuff like "I would ask you if you could hold this for a second, but you don't want me to ask that" or "well, I'm going to have to make several trips inside now, since I can't ask you to help me" etc etc.
man I am rambling hard, my brain is foggy...
After dinner, my mom said "So tomorrow we can make these bell peppers" and I said "I'm not sure if I'll stay the night". She said, "I thought you were going to" (I had NEVER said I would stay the night). I said "Well, maybe..."
Then my boyfriend texted me that he wanted to talk. I told my mom this, and I went out to my car and called him. TL;DR - he basically confirmed he was breaking up with me, but wanted to wait to make it official in person.
My heart was completely shattered. Like. Forget my mom and her nonsense, this is a relationship I thought would lead to marriage. We live together, adopted cats together. It's a very serious relationship that I fought tooth and nail to make work...that he was ending.
Of course, I started ugly balling. I went into my mom's house, tears rushing down my eyes. Literally choking and gasping from the pain. I said, "Mom, I don't think I can stay the night. (bf) is breaking up with me...I don't think I can fall asleep here. I want to go home".
Do you know what her response was?
She literally slammed her arms down on her legs, WITH AGGRESSION. "Whatever, [my name]. I knew you weren't going to stay anyway, even though you said you would".
She then rolled her eyes and looked away from me...
So I grabbed my purse and left...and, some things have happened since then (I sent 1 paragraph and that's it, but she's sent me several texts)...one text was "I get it. You're going no contact. Still need the insurance money." (our car insurance is bundled, so I send my half to her).
Anyway...I can give more details if needed...but basically:::
I have a strong desire to call, text, or show up..And angrily tell her all the ways she's abused me, tell her she's a horrible person, etc...or, dial it down a little and just point out the ways she's been abusive. (Again, a lot to get into, but she has almost murdered me 3 times - like, one time she choked me and I couldn't breathe, and she laughed at me during this incident).
I'm very lost...confused...hurt..and wondering why it took me this long to break things off. She almost killed me, and I still went back to her time and time again? It breaks my fucking heart. The hope I had that one day, she'd realize her wrongs, apologize, and change for the better...
