Help I Ran out of CTB choices

[T90-Alpha]

SN: recently my Sodium nitrite got found by a family member, and i cannot order any more at all

Nembutal: there is no way in fucking hell that i will be able to get the chance to order it

Hanging: i cannot hang myself, no matter how hard i try, because of Survival instinct

Gun: i am only 18, i cannot purchase a firearm

Carbon Monoxide Poisoning: i don't have anywhere to ctb safely with carbon monoxide

Train: i do not want to leave a gory death

i do not a have any alternative choices to ctb with anymore. i am stuck here, worse off than i am before, without any chance to end it all anymore. if i missed any, please let me know. i am angered at myself for being foolish enough to not hide my SN carefully enough, and i cannot purchase any more of it. i feel like a fucking idiot, and i lost the opportunity to die peacefully.

 

[Nequam]

Sorry for your misfortune. Losing something that was important to you because someone else took it really sucks especially when it's not easily replaced.

Is the reason you can't replace it finance related or because your family is going to be alert for it? If it's financial I have no ability to offer any ideas. If it's because your family will be alert then I offer this idea: Regain their complacency (trust?) through whatever means is possible to you, whether it's magically developing a new hobby or finding counseling in the name of trying to get better. It will take some time but humans have a remarkable ability to simply forget if not reminded often. Some more so than others. If you can muster yourself enough to appear to be making an effort to heal yourself, they won't have frequent reminders that you are not okay. There is also the chance that you end up "faking it till you make it" but either way it may help advance your end goal.

Personally I refuse to acknowledge firearms as a way out, even though I do have access to several in the other room, because of the fact that it would add to the statistics the anti-gun nuts use to support their agenda. America only exists as America because the citizens had access to a means to fight back.

There are a lot of ways to die. Some are hellish, some are revolting and some are not worth the risk of failing. The thing about SI is that it can only be negated to an extent, obviously that varies just like people do. I have seen the term peaceful used here a lot and it's definition seems to be fairly flexible at times so I am not entirely sure what constitutes peaceful for you personally. I know that I think of something as being peaceful if it doesn't make me itch, doesn't involve the smell of my own burning flesh and doesn't trigger a panic attack. With that being the case it gives me many options that are unthinkable to many others.

Hanging can sometimes be accomplished by setting yourself up to fall with no means of catching yourself, cutting yourself free or supporting your own weight, ie climbing a tree and securing the rope before drinking yourself unconscious (or taking sleep inducing medicine like zquil). Several of the people I shared camps with when I was homeless used a variation of that. Getting wet and sleeping totally unsheltered in high wind/low temperature weather was another one.

I apologize for length. Last thing. Options available to you are beyond my ability to see, I don't know your circumstances or your location or your personal abilities. I can offer empathy and possibilities based on generalized information and not much else. I do hope that you are able to feel less panicked or angry soon. I'm sure you have enough to deal with already and don't need this extra bit of weight.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like such an awful situation to be in, I personally have very limited access to methods and it is so horrible feeling like I am trapped in this world. I have never attempted hanging because of the fear of failure. I wish that there was a way to peacefully pass away quickly and easily. It is so cruel and unfair how others want to deny us the option of a peaceful exit. After all, none of us asked to exist in the first place. I'm sorry that you suffer so much and I hope that you find relief from pain in whatever happens.

 

[butterfly3]

same age in the exact same situation. it seems like its completely impossible to find sn in the uk