snowman626
Mage
- Jan 28, 2019
- 547
a few years ago when i first joined this forum i remember making a post where i talked about a lump in my throat , shortly after that i had it checked out via ultrasound and it was a tirad 1 (not cancerous) benign thyroid nodule. fast forward to now and recently had it scanned again and its showing changes, its now grown to 6cm and is the size of an egg, and its a tirad 4 (moderately suspicious) with new concerning features such as calcification and hypoechoencity. btw tirad 5 would be "definitely cancer". i had a fine needle biopsy which showed the nodule as benign, however its common to get a false negative due to the large size of the nodule.
unfortunately/fortunately, thyroid cancer is like 99% curable with surgery. part of me was hoping to use this as an excuse to CTB. as a few of you may know, i joined this forum to search for reliable CTB methods for future use as im staying alive currently for my mother, and i found the SN method which is my current method.
from the very start, my mind was set on 2 conditions upon which if met i would CTB no matter what. these 2 were and still are:
1. if my mother dies
2. any condition that decreases my quality of life dramatically, for example: losing a limb, losing the ability to see/hear/talk, disfigurement, etc.
so whether its cancer or not cancer im gonna have to have the stupid thing removed cause its growing, its called a thyroidectomy and they remove one or both of the thyroid. after that i might have to take a medication for the rest of my life, this sucks but would not be sufficient to trigger condition #2 since its easy to take a pill everyday and doesn't really affect qualify of life too much.
however, a lot of people after going through thyroidectomy partially or in some cases completely lose their voice due to a complication. sometimes the surgeon accidentally cuts the vocal cords completely due to the proximity of it to the thyroid gland, and once its cut its never recovering. there is no way in hell im gonna go through the rest of my life not being able to talk, or have to rely on one of those weird sounding voice box machines. fuck that. i wanna stay alive for my mother, but theres a fucking red line that once crossed all bets are off, and this is one of them.
the odds of complications vary depending on experience of the surgeon. the surgeon i was referred to by my GP has like a 2 out of 5 rating and does women face lifts or something as his main thing, i was booked for an appointment with him but i dont feel good about this guy, so i cancelled that appointment and asked to be refer to another surgeon with 4.5 out of 5 rating and hes someone who does thyroidectomy as one of his main job. problem is this guy is super busy and after like a month i haven't even been called to book an appointment, and i have no idea if im even in the queue for it. i called their office a bunch of times and nobody ever picks up, left a message and nobody calls back. if they dont contact me or if i still cant contact them by the end of the year then im just gonna go back to the first guy and let fate run its course.
and if i end up losing my voice or some bullshit happens that triggers condition #2 then i guess its time to go take my SN. i know its frowned upon to leave this website opened after i CTB but it contains a lot of my writings and explainings on why i want to CTB, and leaving it to my family to read all of it would be way better than a suicide note. a good idea may be to print out all the relevant posts that i've written (leave out the website's address) and then put it on my desk somewhere.
so i'll probably have the surgery next year around april/may, and i'll see what happens then
unfortunately/fortunately, thyroid cancer is like 99% curable with surgery. part of me was hoping to use this as an excuse to CTB. as a few of you may know, i joined this forum to search for reliable CTB methods for future use as im staying alive currently for my mother, and i found the SN method which is my current method.
from the very start, my mind was set on 2 conditions upon which if met i would CTB no matter what. these 2 were and still are:
1. if my mother dies
2. any condition that decreases my quality of life dramatically, for example: losing a limb, losing the ability to see/hear/talk, disfigurement, etc.
so whether its cancer or not cancer im gonna have to have the stupid thing removed cause its growing, its called a thyroidectomy and they remove one or both of the thyroid. after that i might have to take a medication for the rest of my life, this sucks but would not be sufficient to trigger condition #2 since its easy to take a pill everyday and doesn't really affect qualify of life too much.
however, a lot of people after going through thyroidectomy partially or in some cases completely lose their voice due to a complication. sometimes the surgeon accidentally cuts the vocal cords completely due to the proximity of it to the thyroid gland, and once its cut its never recovering. there is no way in hell im gonna go through the rest of my life not being able to talk, or have to rely on one of those weird sounding voice box machines. fuck that. i wanna stay alive for my mother, but theres a fucking red line that once crossed all bets are off, and this is one of them.
the odds of complications vary depending on experience of the surgeon. the surgeon i was referred to by my GP has like a 2 out of 5 rating and does women face lifts or something as his main thing, i was booked for an appointment with him but i dont feel good about this guy, so i cancelled that appointment and asked to be refer to another surgeon with 4.5 out of 5 rating and hes someone who does thyroidectomy as one of his main job. problem is this guy is super busy and after like a month i haven't even been called to book an appointment, and i have no idea if im even in the queue for it. i called their office a bunch of times and nobody ever picks up, left a message and nobody calls back. if they dont contact me or if i still cant contact them by the end of the year then im just gonna go back to the first guy and let fate run its course.
and if i end up losing my voice or some bullshit happens that triggers condition #2 then i guess its time to go take my SN. i know its frowned upon to leave this website opened after i CTB but it contains a lot of my writings and explainings on why i want to CTB, and leaving it to my family to read all of it would be way better than a suicide note. a good idea may be to print out all the relevant posts that i've written (leave out the website's address) and then put it on my desk somewhere.
so i'll probably have the surgery next year around april/may, and i'll see what happens then
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