Venting I probably have bpd/or i'm just evil so it'd be best for me to just end it in order to protect others

[cujoh]

Apparently i can't love others but I feel i love my younger brother very much and feel i want the best for him but perhaps that's emotional immaturity talking. Plus eventually when he grows up he'll realise what a cruel person his older sibling is. My father will grow to resent me and my mother who already hates me will grow to believe that my behavior is a reflection of how badly she's parented me and feel guilty and then I'll feel bad not realising that i'm just purely evil and she hasn't done anything wrong. And then if i have kids I'll end up mistreating them.
that's why it'd be better off if i just died. I can't face people now that I know who i really am but have been ignoring it as i am narcissistic

 

[Ash]

I feel i love my younger brother very much and feel i want the best for him but perhaps that's emotional immaturity talking

Sounds to me like emotional maturity.

If it is BPD, which I've got, it can be really tempting (and easy) to lock our emotions away. However, the downside is that if we do it often enough and well enough, we forget we do it and then assume we don't have any emotions at all. But really they're buried so deep we can't access them as it's too painful or whatever. Check that before writing yourself off as "evil".