I pray daily for Our suffering to finally end

[Turkish_Rose]

I love each and every one of you. I have failed ctb attempts under my belt, have nearly lost beloved friends and loved ones to suicide. I was raped as a child and have lived along with my brethren in constant suffering, occasionally pierced by light. I pray for all of us, that the light may win over the dark one day, one day soon. I love you all.

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

Thanks for your prayers. Is all we can do in some situations.
Did you stop being suicidal?

 

[Turkish_Rose]

Thanks for your prayers. Is all we can do in some situations.
Did you stop being suicidal?

No. To this day I struggle with suicide daily. Every day I experience the temptation and allure to end it all. I try with every fibre of my being to resist it. To leave with the amount of suffering, still happening in the world, would be very selfish of me. And, beyond that, I am not convinced that it would actually be an end to ones suffering. I think that is a false promise.

 

[divinemistress87]

Thank you kind soul <3

 

[moshimoshi]

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

No. To this day I struggle with suicide daily. Every day I experience the temptation and allure to end it all. I try with every fibre of my being to resist it. To leave with the amount of suffering, still happening in the world, would be very selfish of me. And, beyond that, I am not convinced that it would actually be an end to ones suffering. I think that is a false promise.

Do you think it's your job to do something about the amount of suffering still in this world? Do you believe in the afterlife or reincarnation?

 

[Eudaimonic]

No. To this day I struggle with suicide daily. Every day I experience the temptation and allure to end it all. I try with every fibre of my being to resist it. To leave with the amount of suffering, still happening in the world, would be very selfish of me. And, beyond that, I am not convinced that it would actually be an end to ones suffering. I think that is a false promise.

I relate to all of this.
With my ethical views, killing myself would/will be very selfish of me because of all the suffering happening in the world that I could have stuck around to reduce. My suffering pales in comparison, but it's all I've ever known, so I'm inherently biased to discount others' relative to it.
I also agree with you that it might not end suffering and may turn out to be a false promise. I don't think eternal oblivion is a guarantee whatsoever.

 

[Turkish_Rose]

Do you think it's your job to do something about the amount of suffering still in this world? Do you believe in the afterlife or reincarnation?

Not in the sense that I am some 'special' person who solely can do something about the suffering and that it is my job, no. Rather, I think we all have the potential to do something about the amount of suffering still in the world, but due to a plethora of very complex reasons are tided away from the path that would allow us to give according to our abilities. I think that the first step towards changing that is just, more awareness of that fact. I believe in both; I believe that there is a system of reincarnation that eventually leads to the afterlife.

 

[HopingOnaMiracle]

Not in the sense that I am some 'special' person who solely can do something about the suffering and that it is my job, no. Rather, I think we all have the potential to do something about the amount of suffering still in the world, but due to a plethora of very complex reasons are tided away from the path that would allow us to give according to our abilities. I think that the first step towards changing that is just, more awareness of that fact. I believe in both; I believe that there is a system of reincarnation that eventually leads to the afterlife.

If those believes keep you from ctb that's a good thing I guess. Your daily battle against suicide seems extremely stressful though. Did you take steps like getting resources for ctb or not?
I don't want to ctb either and haven't made steps toward ctb. But life is getting increasingly hard.

 

[Turkish_Rose]

If those believes keep you from ctb that's a good thing I guess. Your daily battle against suicide seems extremely stressful though. Did you take steps like getting resources for ctb or not?
I don't want to ctb either and haven't made steps toward ctb. But life is getting increasingly hard.

I have in the past, at multiple occasions. But after I ended up being in the hospital last November due to a failed impulse ctb attempt, I have endeavoured to try my utmost best not to walk that path again. To be fair, there have been periods of better mental health since then. It's just that it's really hard for me to remember them right now, because this month has been very difficult and the end is not in sight just yet. But it's important to acknowledge them, because even if it doesn't feel that way, rationally acknowledging that there are periods when it's not as hellish internally is a very important step.

There is a lot of unexplored territory when it comes to these facets of our mental being. No one has a concrete precise solution yet. I study and assist in research in psychology at university, and in mine and other bigger experts in psychology's opinions, current mainstream methods of therapy and medication are band-aid solutions, which fix the symptoms, even to your own inner pov, but they don't necessarily fix the problem(s) in a more profound, to some, meaningful sense (This means that things can easily happen later on in life that send you right back to square one). This is no reason to despair however, it's a call to find the solutions, and to then spread them. We gotta help each other out in any way we can even if it's a silly one lol. Honestly just now taking a few deep breaths while writing this made me relax a little :), that's something.