Venting I practice every time I’m alone nowadays

[Greyfeather]

With a hoodie string around my neck. I used to keep it attached to the hoodie buried in a drawer, to make sure I was reaching for it intentionally when I went for it. Now I just keep the string out of the hoodie in an easier spot to reach (still concealed tho) because I know I want to die. I can't stand living but my SI has gotten the best of all my past attempts. I hope this is okay to put here, first post and I just needed to get it off my chest to (hopefully) a real person rather than some AI (and also not to a person who'll just try to lock me up for it).

 

[difficvltmachineryy]

I practiced at night with a scarf or cardigan lol. I need to get an actual rope. Sending u love ♡

 

[FrustratedMTFtrans]

I have practiced by pushing a thin sharp knife against my navel when dressed and made up, in case I get carried away in excitement and it penetrates the skin and glides into my body. I'm curious how that feels then, but will only know on my CTB day, whether it happens "by accident" or deliberately. But I think it needs so much pressure, that someone should stab me, while I stab them, as stabbing oneself is not at all easy, and it becomes a firm commitment when two people do it together to CTB. I think most pain occurs in skin penetration, so painkillers are advisable, but pain is also alleviated by the high adrenaline level set off by the excitement of what is happening. I get dizzy in excitement at the thought the knife could indeed slide into me when just practising and that I will then have to ensure my CTB by pushing it in deeper, manipulating and twisting it, so it not only moves between but through my internal organs.