Venting I only wish for one thing

[Tired_M]

Hi, sorry for using this forum mostly as a vent area instead of bringing some useful information. But at least I can tell the things I wouldn't be able to say to my therapist.

I have one wish. That wish is to be able to ask my family and friends, when I'm ready, if I can CTB and that they say yes. That they understand me. I wish we could plan everything like people do when they apply for assisted suicide. I wish I could tell them all one last time that I love them. I wish they could get ready to grieve. I've watched that one documentary where that man died with his whole entire family around him, it was heartbreaking yet beautiful. I wish I could go like that.

See, I know I will CTB at some point. I don't see myself being older or my body getting weaker. But I can't do it knowing that it can harm the people I love. I'll never forget seeing my parents breaking down when they learned I was suicidal. They made me promise not to do it. I had to say I won't do it. I can't do that to them, at least not before they're gone. Yet I don't want to get old, to suffer even more and to lose them all before allowing myself to die. I hate the person I am, I have nothing to live for, I just can't.

I guess I'm stuck with this unsolvable dilemma, that make me suffer so, so much. But what can I do. I'll just smile and pretend I'm alright. At least the only good thing about that is that I'm not hurting anyone.

 

[color_me_gone]

Unless you are one in a million, I can tell you that telling anyone you are going to ctb never, ever goes well.
And that it is worse when telling loved ones.
You see, most people are of a different mindset that us people who want to ctb.
Or to put it more accurately, we are of a different mindset than regular people, (we being the minority).

Yes, it is a dilemma, a dilemma which will never go away. Sorry. :(

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Unless you are one in a million, I can tell you that telling anyone you are going to ctb never, ever goes well.
And that it is worse when telling loved ones.
You see, most people are of a different mindset that us people who want to ctb.
Or to put it more accurately, we are of a different mindset than regular people, (we being the minority).

Yes, it is a dilemma, a dilemma which will never go away. Sorry. :(

This

You can vent here anytime as it's much safer. We live in some sort of medieval logic when it comes to voluntary euthanasia. Unfortunately most of us have to hide everything just to die alone.

Legal euthanasia services are basically an unobtainable dream. They make it so expensive and hard to qualify for that it's nearly pointless even for the places that have adopted it.

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone." -Orson Welles

 

[Tired_M]

Hi, thanks you two, you are right. It'd be utopic if we could talk to our loved ones about our own suicide. And yeah, it's crazy how advanced the medical field is, and how personal rights are at the center of every debate, yet we can't decide how, when, where we can end our own life. Especially when we didn't even choose to be born in the first place.

 

[Saddad]

Hi, sorry for using this forum mostly as a vent area instead of bringing some useful information. But at least I can tell the things I wouldn't be able to say to my therapist.

I have one wish. That wish is to be able to ask my family and friends, when I'm ready, if I can CTB and that they say yes. That they understand me. I wish we could plan everything like people do when they apply for assisted suicide. I wish I could tell them all one last time that I love them. I wish they could get ready to grieve. I've watched that one documentary where that man died with his whole entire family around him, it was heartbreaking yet beautiful. I wish I could go like that.

See, I know I will CTB at some point. I don't see myself being older or my body getting weaker. But I can't do it knowing that it can harm the people I love. I'll never forget seeing my parents breaking down when they learned I was suicidal. They made me promise not to do it. I had to say I won't do it. I can't do that to them, at least not before they're gone. Yet I don't want to get old, to suffer even more and to lose them all before allowing myself to die. I hate the person I am, I have nothing to live for, I just can't.

I guess I'm stuck with this unsolvable dilemma, that make me suffer so, so much. But what can I do. I'll just smile and pretend I'm alright. At least the only good thing about that is that I'm not hurting anyone.

I think alot have the same dilemma, I know I do. Our need has to be greater than others need i guess.

Have been watching alot of alan Walker and the guy really puts an interesting spin on life death exsistance.

 

[TowerUpright]

The only way I can possibly think of a family member being ok with CTB is if you had a diagnosis of a painful, terminal disease.