I never understood why suicide was such a bad thing.

[NoLoveNoHope]

Ever since I could really grasp the concept of suicide I never understood why it was so bad. I remember opening up to several people about my depression and occasional suicidal thoughts and I never understood why it was such a big deal. I thought it was my choice and I was quite rational about it so it can't be that bad right? Apparently society disagrees. I remember several times when I spoke about these thoughts people instilled fear into me using various phrases like: 'You'll end up paralyzed', 'You don't really want to die' and other similiar phrases.

It bothered me for a while, I was thinking over and over in my head how someone else could possibly know what I truly want? I really thought something was deeply wrong with me for not finding suicide some disgrace of an act, I really thought I was insane and I didn't know it. Now that I have gotten over that phase in my life I learnt that was textbook gaslighting all cooperatively done by many professionals, friends and my peers. The amount of fear over myself and perceiving that I am a threat to myself was absolutely horrible. Years of mental torment all put on me by the ones I trusted the most. It's really funny how everyone really tried to turn the only trustworthy person in my life away from me.

After I really started to deepen my perspective of my suicidal tendancies I found peace and a label I'd wear. Instead of the being the 'threat to myself' I became someone who doesn't appreciate life. I no longer felt the need to fight these tendancies as I accepted them as apart of my identity, the years I've been through feeling this way isn't just something temporary like everyone told me but rather much more permanent. Accepting these thoughts instead of being at war within myself was calming.

Looking back at it now it's really strange how in all these years I was pro-choice instead of the pro-life mentality that was burned into the core of my beliefs. I find it strange that I found this forum by sheer accident and it was in the pro-life mentality I long threw away.

Finding this forum has helped me so much more than the gaslighting, false-threats, misinformation and overall societal pressure of this mentality. Finding peace in suicide has also helped a lot in my day to day life. I am not a 'threat to myself', I am putting myself at peace and it is my choice when the day comes not some mental illness I have. I am no less of a person than anyone who wishes to continue is nor am I above them. Despite my mental struggles I am entitled to the same everyone else is.

I am curious, does anyone else have the same story?

 

[brokeandbroken]

Like I wrote in the other thread...

Why suicide is viewed as it is, is quite simple. Your average ordinary person has very little a generally stale listless life. They do want one thing though. To feel apart of something a cog in the machine if you will. They want to feel good about themselves tell themselves they are a good person. They want this for the least amount of energy spent. They don't necessarily want to be good just feel like are good. One easy way is to vilify people dying for any reason sans maybe capital punishment for virtually the same reason. They don't want to feel guilty. Why? Because while the person is alive something can generally be done They don't want to do this or the work however. Too much effort. Much easier to make them suffer in silence. Act shocked when the person they abandoned decides to CTB and end such suffering usually violently without better less brutal methods. Then move on guilt assauged because there's nothing they can do now.

It should also be noted 76% of suicides in the US are *men* usually white. Simply put if you are a white man in the US in 2023 nobody gives a ratsass about you or your problems. Again much easier to make you suffer in silence.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I don't know why suicide is "such a big negative deal" in the society. To me it was always clear that this is an option under certain life circumstances although I wasn't suicidal for most of my life. Suicidal thoughts and active plans, since I have them for personal circumstances now, don't bother me at all. All I can say I'm so glad I found this community when I had a massive depressive crash and I was very close to CTB a few months ago. Knowing that I'm not alone out there is such a great relief already including the opportunity to talk freely about such a sensitive topic with no judgement!

 

[CTB Dream]

Yea ppl v awfl ignore sffr ignore how all pll end die, rly awfl ppl no see sffr only prtnd norm ,rly species brainle, now see me also othr ppl sffr wat resn Stay no resn ,this logic ctb

 

[Darkover]

the vast majority of people want to live forever and fear death people think their going to nothing forever

 

[Professor K]

I am curious, does anyone else have the same story?

Absolutely... Reading your thread is so refreshing, I can fully relate to your story.

I still feel guilty because my beliefs don't allign with everybody else's.
Still doubting and thinking that perhaps I might be wrong about everything, an actual gaslight.

Coming on this forum helps me find a balance between being honest and sharing my unconvenitonnal thoughts with no fear VS acting in the real world as someone I am not.
So glad I have this space.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I have a similar story to you. Except- I didn't tell people around me about my ideation. I already knew how they felt about suicide from random comments they'd made about it in the media. I suppose I had to 'get over' that perception of it in my own head- as in- 'Suicide is wrong, cowardly and selfish. Suicides go to hell.' It REALLY didn't take long to get over that though. I realised early on that my suicidal thoughts were likely going to be there to stay. Why wouldn't they be there? My life was horrible at the time. They seemed like an appropriate reaction.

Plus, I suppose I reconnected with what I REALLY felt about it- what I thought about people who took their own lives. They hadn't done it with the prime goal of hurting others. They had clearly got to the point where they couldn't cope the hurt they felt themselves. I didn't think that was shameful or wrong. I felt it was far worse to expect them to continue to live like that.

Plus yeah- I've had ideation to varying degrees for 33 years! People with ideation AREN'T always impulsive. They can weigh up their options rationally- just like anyone else. It doesn't always pass either. In fact- I imagine- once those thoughts have been considered 'safe' to have- a person will likely always have them at the back of their minds.

I certainly wouldn't consider myself a 'danger' to myself though. I'd find that assertion insulting in fact. It questions my mental competency. If I ever summon the courage to do it, I don't want people to think it was some impulsive, desperate act. It was something that had 33 years in the making!

I simply want to reject the life I didn't get the option to agree to to begin with. I DON'T however, want to upset my nearest and dearest. So- that's why I've hung on. If it were actually possible- I would feel VERY annoyed if people called my actions 'selfish' if I finally do it. Holding on to a life you don' want for decades for the sake of not hurting others ISN'T selfish. I wish people would consider that. Think about just how long people tried to hold on for them before they CTB. Quite a few people here have been struggling for years.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I wish they would tell me "you don't really want to die".

I would reply "yes i do want to die , why is that any of ur business?. U do realize that we are all going to die anyway. So why do u want to prolong my suffering? What is the objective meaning or reason to continue to live under so many dangerous risks? There is pain so bad it makes everything else meaningless. It doesn't matter to me whether another human wants to live or not as that has nothing to do with me "

Response to they say "suicides go to hell".
There is no hell . A human is just neural networks like chatgpt.

Evolution of life .

DNA molecule 4 billion years ago

Prokaryotic cell

Eukaryotic cell 1.8 billion years ago

Multicellular life. Just conjoined eukaryotic cells

vertebrates 520 Milion yrs ago. : Fish , reptiles , birds, animals , mammals , primates rats apes humans all are vertebrates all are the eukaryotic cell the DNA chemical reaction

 

[FuneralCry]

I never have as well, to me it doesn't make much sense calling suicide "bad" when death eliminates all suffering and there are no disadvantages to not existing. Everything that is bad is caused by existence, and without existence nothing could ever be bad. And I just see death as being something so normal anyway, being forgotten about is all we are intended for, I believe that eventually most of us won't even continue to exist in the memories of those who exist here.

 

[アホペンギン]

True, most people in this world have an uninteresting life, they repeat the same routine daily and they don't have any problems so they assume that suicide is a horrible thing. When in reality, suicide is an escape for most people, who suffer more than they can imagine. I hate how people say things like "you have so much to live for" or "why do you want to die in the first place?" without really trying to see from our perspective. I see no appeal to life and recently i have talked to my siblings about this and they again, told me the same things that most people tell me. People really don't care, they don't try considering whats actually going on in your life but rather force you to live a life you never wanted.

In addition, i don't understand why people care so much about me.. I don't care about myself but they care about me? It makes no sense. They respond with "its human nature" but i still don't understand why its that way. If someone doesn't care about themselves why does anyone give a care about them?

This really makes no sense, everything. I just wished people would understand us, let us do what we want and as people say: "my life my rules" , why can't the general society agree with this statement. I mean, our lives are none of their concern yet when they see someone attempting suicide they interfere and save them, acting like their such a hero without knowing why they're a hero, it has become a norm, if you save someone you did something good but no one considers how the people being saved feel, maybe they just want to leave this world because of how horrible it has been to them all these years. Yet instead of getting agreed with, they just get paid a visit to the psychiatric ward. Its truly disgusting.

 

[tieiwi]

Society deems suicide as a bad thing but we are all in control of ourselves no? So who says we can't just opt out of existing. I mean technically we aren't harming anyone but ourself, which we voluntarily chose to do so.

I remember I used to think suicide was a bad thing. Even though in the back of my mind I was having some suicidal thoughts of my own. I hated my life but oh I could never commit suicide. That's the thinking I had back then. It's amazing how far I've come. How much I've truly accepted of myself. There were so many thoughts and opinions I had locked away in fear because of what I was taught by society. Once I was able to free that part of my mind and accept the 'taboo' parts I became a lot calmer.

 

[ordaysun]

I think a lot of people don't stop to think about quality of life. Intense suffering is worse than being alive, but people don't think about that necessarily.

Also, I think a lot of the attitude comes from religious backgrounds which all seem to want to prolong suffering.

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

People don't understand why someone would voluntarily want to die, and because of that they immediately believe we're irrational. Some people just aren't made for this world and we carry everything life throws at us differently. Except the "normal" people think everyone has the same life and it should be cherished. To die by suicide is throwing away "a precious gift." They don't realize that gift isn't the same for everyone.

Some people have had serious traumatic events in their life that are impossible to cope with. We are expected to get therapy, meds, and other forms of treatment to "fix" us. Unfortunately not all of us can be helped by those means. Some people can't have our brain chemistry altered by meds to make them the shining happy people that we are expected to be.

Being suicidal is seen as a mental disorder, and wanting to end your own life is crazy. I find it hard to believe that with the state of the world that there isn't a huge part of the population that wants out.

 

[DarkFriend.]

Suicide is the only sort of death that makes any sense to me.

It's noble and pure and there's a redemptive quality to it in that we choose to go out on our own terms.

I've always appreciated it philosophically. Most people don't look at it this way however--they're scared animals and their instinct tells them to abhor it. Which is fine. Let the fucking monkeys revel about upon their boiling blue planet of shit.