Story I Never Cared

[NumbItAll]

The high school career counselor was shocked at how nonchalant I was about my future endeavors. I thought I was taking it seriously, but apparently he could sense how much I didn't care.

I didn't care about graduating, because that was a given, not something to celebrate. I didn't even want to attend the ceremony. When it was over, I left without saying goodbye to anyone because I had no close friends.

I didn't care about getting accepted to my "first choice" college. My real first choice would have been nothing. I was irritated that my mom was celebrating something that I had zero interest in at all. I later dropped out because of mental health issues.

I didn't care about getting my first job. I was annoyed that my dad was happy about something that would make me miserable. I only lasted one day, a scenario that played out multiple other times.

I most certainly did not care about succeeding on my 3rd attempt at obtaining a college degree. I have since done nothing with it. Another waste of time and money.

I never wanted a family or a career or anything. I tried to do all the "right" things, but it didn't work because I never cared and I never will.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Did it ever occur to you that there maybe some good reason why some people find themselves not wanting anything from life? Like it is not their focus or mission to be normies, have normal jobs, procreate and such? Could that be an advantage in itself to vacate ourselves to focus on other aspects of life other than what normies naturally occupy themselves with because they actually desire these things because it is their nature. Well, for what use are we then? Could there be a purpose to it?

 

[OrcWitch]

It's weird being railroaded through all those life milestones and you were expected to feel good about it. Because that's just the way things are.

 

[thinkkank]

sounds like anhedonia

 

[waitingforrest]

I feel the same way with my life. Every single life milestone makes me want to ctb right then. Jobs, money, school and such don't matter to me because I already know how it will end. The thoughts of why bother, is repeated everytime I do anything normies consider important.

I can't help but want to escape and live somewhere I don't have to see another human being. I hate the idea of being a wage slave. I hate the very system society based itself on. I hate the very idea of repeating the same thing over and over for years. I am sick of people trying to fix me so I can be "happy". But the truth is, it's the very idea of the normie happy lifestyle that makes me want to ctb.

I can't help it but have self hated for thinking this way. It's like I was programed from a young age to do what everyone else is doing. Going against everything that has been told to be feels freeing, yet my subconscious berates me for be abnormal.

Every life accomplishment feels hollow to me. I don't care and simply will never. Sometimes I think about running away and living somewhere deep in the woods. Away from society. I'm glad to not be the only person that doesn't care about pretty much everything.

 

[LADY007]

I feel the same way with my life. Every single life milestone makes me want to ctb right then. Jobs, money, school and such don't matter to me because I already know how it will end. The thoughts of why bother, is repeated everytime I do anything normies consider important.

I can't help but want to escape and live somewhere I don't have to see another human being. I hate the idea of being a wage slave. I hate the very system society based itself on. I hate the very idea of repeating the same thing over and over for years. I am sick of people trying to fix me so I can be "happy". But the truth is, it's the very idea of the normie happy lifestyle that makes me want to ctb.

I can't help it but have self hated for thinking this way. It's like I was programed from a young age to do what everyone else is doing. Going against everything that has been told to be feels freeing, yet my subconscious berates me for be abnormal.

Every life accomplishment feels hollow to me. I don't care and simply will never. Sometimes I think about running away and living somewhere deep in the woods. Away from society. I'm glad to not be the only person that doesn't care about pretty much everything.

I would love to know where that hollow, empty feeling comes from. Different things probably trigger it for different people but that main emptiness baffles me. For me, I know hopelessness is part of it.