Help I need to talk with people 40 or so+

[Bea]

43 year old checking in.

Whilst I've been in a pretty dark place for most of my adult life, hindsight has shown me that you probably don't want to rip yourself off by deciding to ctb at a young age. My best years where when I was 37-39, and I would never have seen those had I going through with ctb in my early 30s. Of course, things went rapidly downhill after I turned 40, but can't see there being any real chance of improvement.

I've got a lot of opinions in relation to ctb and age; the two main ones being that the younger someone ctb the more tragic it is, and that everybody aged 50 or older should have the right to choose voluntary euthanasia even if they are otherwise physically healthy.

Yes, I had a lot of good years in my late twenties through mid-thirties that I am grateful I had.

 

[Stan]

I've got a lot of opinions in relation to ctb and age; the two main ones being that the younger someone ctb the more tragic it is, and that everybody aged 50 or older should have the right to choose voluntary euthanasia even if they are otherwise physically healthy.

Doing research I thought I would be in a minority feeling the way I do at my age but it seems there is a lot.

 

[OverItAll]

45+ male reporting in! Feel free to message me if you want to chat.

 

[Empty Smile]

I'm so old when I go to get some coffee, they ask me for my senior discount card....

 

[Bea]

Doing research I thought I would be in a minority feeling the way I do at my age but it seems there is a lot.

Yes, there are a lot of us.

 

[Stan]

In the UK they are seeming to have a 'celeb cause of the week' moment with mental health and suicide recently, which is sadly not backed up with any actual help when you raise your hand and ask for it.

 

[SelfHatingAspie]

Doing research I thought I would be in a minority feeling the way I do at my age but it seems there is a lot.

Looking at this from a purely scientific perspective, the current human lifespan is freakishly long compared to where it was historically yet I suspect that many humans aren't psychologically ready to be around for long. My hypothesis is that the evolution of the human brain hasn't caught up with the change in expected lifespan. It's quite possible it never will. Meanwhile, it may take several hundred years or so for society to figure out that just because someone can be kept alive until they're about 120, it doesn't mean that's what people actually want.

In the UK they are seeming to have a 'celeb cause of the week' moment with mental health and suicide recently, which is sadly not backed up with any actual help when you raise your hand and ask for it.

Classic slacktivism. Right up there with those stupid wristbands and pointless ribbons.

 

[Bea]

45+ male reporting in! Feel free to message me if you want to chat.

Thanks for checking in, oldtimer! ;)

 

[Tom9999]

I see a difference in wanting to kill yourself because of suffering from a dysfunctional self as a product of childhood abuse ("young"), versus wanting to kill yourself because you lived on, picked up that you had some issues, so did the hard recovery work, painstakingly weeded out dysfunction and replaced it with healthy stuff (you can now be considered "not young"), only to find that merely having a healthy self doesn't guarantee you will now have an enjoyable, fulfilling, and meaningful existence... it just enables you to have this.

Whether or not you do go on to have one, and so feel amply rewarded for all your difficult recovery work, is in my experience more up to luck and chance than most people would care to admit.

This is what I feel is the dirty secret of recovery.

And it is why I think there can be 2 suicides.

The first is the killing of your dysfunctional self, an unconscious product of your childhood. You kill that with recovery work after realizing "I'm not getting what I want because I'm perceiving the world through the lens of my past "

The second suicide may come after years or decades of recovery, where you realize "I'm still not getting what, even though I've overhauled myself to the Nth degree and mentally and emotionally function quite well." The "myself" here is your functional self, now a conscious product of your self work, and you kill that self with a gun, noose, or whatever.

Recovery requires deeply intense work, struggle, and suffering, always with the encouragement and promises of "Things will get better!"

And that is true. You end up suffering less.

But so what? If you still aren't getting what you want from life, a simple lack of suffering and the ability to accurately perceive yourself, others, and the world, these are very disappointing consolation prizes for doing the blistering and painful work of recovery but still not experiencing a fulfilled, meaningful, and enjoyable life.

This experiental realization - that recovery guarantees mere accurate and clean perceiving of reality, along with effecient self- and other- relating skills, but does NOT guarantee you will achieve your goals and get what you want from life (despite enduring both the suffering of being abused as a child, and the suffering of the related recovery work) - this realization, which gradually emerges over time as you try, try, and then try again, can create unbearable disappointment, anguish, rage, and a deeply profound sense of injustice.

This is something I don't want "young" (pre-recovery) people to hear, because they just might end up having a fulfilled and meaningful life post-recovery, and I want to always be encouraging and supportive of others to go ahead and take on recovery.

Besides, doing the recovery work is a must, because if you don't, you most surely will miss out on leading an enjoyable, meaningful, and fulfilled life.

But - and I say this with great grief - doing it does not guarantee you indeed will go on to lead one.

 

[Bea]

Looking at this from a purely scientific perspective, the current human lifespan is freakishly long compared to where it was historically yet I suspect that many humans aren't psychologically ready to be around for long. My hypothesis is that the evolution of the human brain hasn't caught up with the change in expected lifespan. It's quite possible it never will. Meanwhile, it may take several hundred years or so for society to figure out that just because someone can be kept alive until they're about 120, it doesn't mean that's what people actually want.



Classic slacktivism. Right up there with those stupid wristbands and pointless ribbons.

Yes! Thank you!

 

[Stan]

Looking at this from a purely scientific perspective, the current human lifespan is freakishly long compared to where it was historically yet I suspect that many humans aren't psychologically ready to be around for long. My hypothesis is that the evolution of the human brain hasn't caught up with the change in expected lifespan. It's quite possible it never will. Meanwhile, it may take several hundred years or so for society to figure out that just because someone can be kept alive until they're about 120, it doesn't mean that's what people actually want.

You could be so right there! There are so many terrible conditions relating to old age that the 'quality of life vs quantity' of life debate could do with a real logical rather than emotional debate. my mother who has now passed had dementia. My brother who is older and of a different personality had the strangest conversation at the drinks after the funeral, I guess it was emotion and alcohol but he started the conversation. In short, he said if he was diagnosed, he would ctb just because there was zero quality when she got bad. really surprised me as I would have put money on him being a pro-lifer as he is fairly religious.

 

[Bea]

I see a difference in wanting to kill yourself because of suffering from a dysfunctional self as a product of childhood abuse ("young"), versus wanting to kill yourself because you lived on, picked up that you had some issues, so did the hard recovery work, weeded out the dysfunction, and replaced it with healthy stuff (you can now be considered "not young"), only to find that merely having a healthy self doesn't guarantee an enjoyable, fulfilling, and meaningful existence. It just enables one.

This is what I feel is the dirty secret of recovery.

And it is why I think there can be 2 suicides.

The first is the killing of your dysfunctional self, an unconscious product of your childhood. You kill that with recovery work after realizing "I'm not getting what I want because I'm perceiving the world through the lens of my past "

The second suicide comes after years or decades of recovery, where you realize "I'm still not getting what, even though I've overhauled myself to the Nth degree and mentally and emotionally function quote well." That's your functional self, a conscious product of your self work, and you kill that self with a gun, noose, or whatever.

Recovery requires deeply intense work, struggle, and suffering, always with the encouragement and promises of "Things will get better!"

And that is true. You end up suffering less.

But so what? If you still aren't getting what you want from life, a simple lack of suffering and the ability to accurately perceive yourself, others, and the world, these are very disappointing consolation prizes for doing the blistering and painful work of recovery but still not experiencing a fulfilled, meaningful, and enjoyable life.

This experiental realization - that recovery guarantees mere accurate and clean perceiving of reality, along with effecient self- and other- relating skills, but does NOT guarantee you will achieve your goals and get what you want from life (despite enduring both the suffering of being abused as a child, and the suffering of the related recovery work) - this realization, which gradually emerges over time as you try, try, and then try again, can create unbearable disappointment, anguish, rage, and a deeply profound sense of injustice.

This is something I don't want "young" (pre-recovery) people to hear, because they just might end up having a fulfilled and meaningful life post-recovery, and I want to always be encouraging and supportive of others to go ahead and take on recovery.

Besides, doing the recovery work is a must, because if you don't, you most surely will miss out on an enjoyable, meaningful, and fulfilled life.

But - and I say this with great grief - doing it does not guarantee you indeed will go on to lead one.

Insightful, thank you. I've done a lot of hard work over the years, but the phantoms remain. Always. Because they were my parents. No therapist or psychiatrist has ever done a single thing to remove their voices.

I'm 40. I haven't been struggling with this as long as a lot around here have, but if you need another friendly ear, feel free to message me.

Thank you! My only concern with talking about this topic with younger people is because of my background as a teacher. I fear that I've given some the impression I don't take it seriously with those under a certain age, but that is not remotely true.

 

[IsadoraBeauxdraps]

Hi,
I'm 39, can I still come ?
I struggle with depression and oversensitivity since my childhood. But I'm in big trouble for 4 years now, as you already know.

Insightful, thank you. I've done a lot of hard work over the years, but the phantoms remain. Always. Because they were my parents. No therapist or psychiatrist has ever done a single thing to remove their voices.

I'm really sorry.
Sometimes, often, I lose the meaning of life.

 

[Bea]

Hi,
I'm 39, can I still come ?
I struggle with depression and oversensitivity since my childhood. But I'm in big trouble for 4 years now, as you already know.

I'm really sorry.
Sometimes, often, I lose the meaning of life.

Yes, you can still join the old-timer party!!! Please!

Hi,
I'm 39, can I still come ?
I struggle with depression and oversensitivity since my childhood. But I'm in big trouble for 4 years now, as you already know.

I'm really sorry.
Sometimes, often, I lose the meaning of life.

Isadora, I also just realized that I commented on your page when I meant to comment on someone else's, so I apologize for any confusion. :)

Yes, you can still join the old-timer party!!! Please!

Isadora, I also just realized that I commented on your page when I meant to comment on someone else's, so I apologize for any confusion. :)

Earlier when I spoke about "phantoms" from childhood. Not to mean that you wouldn't understand that, too, of course.......

 

[IsadoraBeauxdraps]

Earlier when I spoke about "phantoms" from childhood. Not to mean that you wouldn't understand that, too, of course.......

No worry

Yes, you can still join the old-timer party!!! Please!

 

[Dawn0071111]

Just turned 40 here.. so glad I made the cut to step into this conversation whatever you're going through I totally get it.... what is your ailment by the way?

 

[OverItAll]

Oldies unite!!! (dyslexic's untie!). ...... sorry .....

 

[Justme67]

Hi Bea and everyone here. My story is that I was adopted at a young age. Although my adopted parents are amazing people, as individuals and as parents, I never felt that I belonged. I always felt lost and alone. As a teenager, I went through years of cutting myself and depression. Ugh.., those years felt like an enternity. I ended up being a single mother at age twenty. Now, in my forties, I still feel very alone and depressed, just as I did in my younger years. I have a partner now whom I love very much but he admits to lacking empathy so feelings are a burden to him and my emotional needs go unmet. I just don't see the quality of my life improving, and especially at my age. Im exhausted... And I'd like to find some permanent rest.

 

[JimFord99]

I am 56, still no wiser, although I have some wisdom. But I still don't enjoy life.

 

[NextBusLeaving]

Also would talk to you and am older. Pm me.

 

[epic]

I am a youngster in my twenties.We may have different ways of expressing ourselves from the elderly,but we are here for you and we are concerned about you.
I totally get why you won't like to have this conversation with younger people.Especially, given your background.But if you ever need a lending ear don't hesitate to reach out to youngsters like me .

 

[Bruceleelives1969]

I am 50. I want to CTB because of my illness.

I am 50. I want to CTB because of my illness.

Can you PM me? I would like to talk

 

[Bea]

Just turned 40 here.. so glad I made the cut to step into this conversation whatever you're going through I totally get it.... what is your ailment by the way?

complex PTSD..........

complex PTSD..........

you?

 

[Shakespear's Brother]

Hello. 45 year old man here in the US. Not only am I awkward and anxious in real life, I am awkward and anxious on the internet as well, so please accept my apologies in advance. I'm isolated, no partner, no kids, very tenuous relationship with family of origin, on disability, and haven't worked in over a decade. I'm not sure how there can be any other way for me other than to ctb. Ending up in a Medicaid-run nursing home sounds like an incredibly dicey, unpleasant conclusion to one's life.

 

[sadak_the_wanderer]

Age has, in many ways, made the tidying up I feel I must do before I go that much more extensive. It can be its own sort of wearisome.

 

[color_me_gone]

I'm 67.
Is that too old?

 

[Bea]

I'm 67.
Is that too old?

LOL! No, it is not. ;)

Age has, in many ways, made the tidying up I feel I must do before I go that much more extensive. It can be its own sort of wearisome.

There are probably at least a few things you could let remain "messy".......but I understand. I am all about leaving things neat and tidy, as much as possible.

 

[AngrySkillet]

I'm old, 45, yay me!

 

[wanttodie]

55 year old checking in pm me if you want to

 

[Winter_Flower]

Just turned 40 also and have been battling all kinds of thoughts for many years x Here to chat if needed x