I need to learn gratitude

[fsociety]

Hello community!

First of all thanks to everyone reading this and giving advice or helpful words!

I try to keep it as short as possible!

Before 1/2 my life was literally perfect.

I had everything, a relationship, good friends, a family that supports me in every thing I need..

A few months ago my girlfriend break up and tried to ruin my life as much as possible (I know I wasn't the perfect partner)

2 months ago my dad died
1 month ago my best friend cancelled the friendship because I was talking on the phone at his place with a girl about half an hour and that after he was there for me the lasts months.. That made him so furious that he kicked me out of his house and blocked me everywhere..

A lot to deal within a few months..

The big problem is: My life was always easy till these things happened, I had never depression, I had a adventurous life and everything was "perfekt"

Things that left, which are more than many people here every experienced, since I read a lot of topics..

I have a mother that always supports me and listens to every depressive shit I'm talking about at the moment. When my mom moves out of the House, that will be when the family dog dies in a few years since she wont take away him the big garden I will get the half of the house and property which is like 500k worth.

I have a other best friend with whom I made holidays the last 4 years and know him since over 20 years. That guy even bought a bike when I told him I want to go mountainbiking, and he did. last week.

I have another good friend which I know since over 10 years who I can talk daily and he understands me.

I had a few relationships and felt love a few times in my life.

I have a job (I'm a male nurse) which I love very much and the patientens respect me and love me so much, even my boss treats me like I'm one of her kids!

I have a 3 room Appartement which is very beautiful.

Since I have not a lot of money at the moment, my brother (who also listens to every shit when I'm talking about me and my depression). My brother offered me to make a holiday this summer and he will pay for everything..

I also have friends from the past where I could make contact again and even some wrote me out of the blue and asked for contact..

So, obviously there are a lot of things still left in my life, but everything I see or concentrate is the negative things in life and what I have lost…

My therapy said that I don't even know what a real crisis is and that I never learned to deal with crisis which is 100% right..

When the down spiral started I went to a psychiatrist and he took me on 3 different Antidepressants, 1 neuroleptic and 1 benzo. Since today I don't even feel different because of these meds, mostly because these meds will only work it you really have an inbalance in your system about dopamine and serotonin, which I obviously don't have, so I'm starting to cut them off at the moment and don't even feel any difference..

By the way I'm 31 years old..

Can you give me some advice on how to appreciate these many things I still have left or straight away tell me that I need to grow up and feel like a adult and go through crisis like everyone else?

 

[Life_and_Death]

what about something like a gratitude journal, thats what ive been trying. just a list of things youre grateful for that you can go back and reference and if you want to add, maybe why youre grateful for it.

 

[SexyIncél]

Can you give me some advice on how to appreciate these many things I still have left or straight away tell me that I need to grow up and feel like a adult and go through crisis like everyone else?

You could embrace suffering. And adventures. You're in a goofy world, with nutjob girlfriends & homeless people & kids with their arms blown off. Maybe run towards pain, if it's worthwhile & won't damage your abilities

Maybe you've overdosed on pleasure? Or haven't done anything difficult enough, where your moral senses are unleashed?

 

[fsociety]

what about something like a gratitude journal, thats what ive been trying. just a list of things youre grateful for that you can go back and reference and if you want to add, maybe why youre grateful for it.

Sounds good, my therapist did advice me that too.. She also recommended writing daily 3 things on the evening for what I'm grateful for today and what went good! Studies showed if you make that for 30 days straight, it's scientific proven that you feel better after those 30days..
Maybe I should give it a try!

 

[Life_and_Death]

Sounds good, my therapist did advice me that too.. She also recommended writing daily 3 things on the evening for what I'm grateful for today and what went good! Studies showed if you make that for 30 days straight, it's scientific proven that you feel better after those 30days..
Maybe I should give it a try!

the only thing i would add on is id try for 1 instead of 3. personally for me, especially on the bad days it can be had to fill them all in, so try to not stress about it if you cant, sometimes its good to be grateful that you at least got 1 even if its something small like you had breakfast :)

 

[fsociety]

You could embrace suffering. And adventures. You're in a goofy world, with nutjob girlfriends & homeless people & kids with their arms blown off. Maybe run towards pain, if it's worthwhile & won't damage your abilities

Maybe you've overdosed on pleasure? Or haven't done anything difficult enough, where your moral senses are unleashed?

You summarized it perfectly my friend!

I always had that easy life, everything I wanted I had, everything I needed was there. I didn't really have to deal with difficult situations till now, so I'm overwhelmed by all of this!

It's hard to see the truth, but I was spoiled and never learned to deal with real shit because my parents or money saved me from difficult situation. I never learned to be mature, so I guess that's the perfect time now to change.. But it's hard mate..

Overdosed on pleasure - another very good point. Always many friends, always, girls, young age always parties and going on holidays each year since I was little.. Writing this feeling like a spoiled brat needing to man up..

And with other people who had difficult life you are total right again. Since this is a very difficult Situation for me I watched a lot of videos and did a lot of research of people who are paralyzed, paraplegic, quadriplegic, blind and the list goes on. But my brain struggles to say "You should be grateful that you live in a healthy body in a first world country". Even if I know it…

Thanks a lot for your answer

 

[Life_and_Death]

But my brain struggles to say "You should be grateful that you live in a healthy body in a first world country". Even if I know it…

you should also be mindful of your own feelings yes theres worse problems in the world but that doesnt mean what youre going through hurts you less.

A few months ago my girlfriend break up and tried to ruin my life as much as possible (I know I wasn't the perfect partner)

2 months ago my dad died
1 month ago my best friend cancelled the friendship because I was talking on the phone at his place with a girl about half an hour and that after he was there for me the lasts months.. That made him so furious that he kicked me out of his house and blocked me everywhere..

A lot to deal within a few months..

youre absolutely right, its a lot to deal with. you shouldnt compare yourself to others, thats typically just a good way to invalidate yourself, pushing your emotions down farther. theyre trying to tell you something, listen to yourself, it hurts for a reason

 

[fsociety]

you should also be mindful of your own feelings yes theres worse problems in the world but that doesnt mean what youre going through hurts you less.

youre absolutely right, its a lot to deal with. you shouldnt compare yourself to others, thats typically just a good way to invalidate yourself, pushing your emotions down farther. theyre trying to tell you something, listen to yourself, it hurts for a reason

I love how people like you understands feelings. Always thought you have to go through some shit and difficult times to understand pain.

My life and situation tells me a lot right now.
I also know part of what changes I need to make to feel better again. I was always good in theory but it's a difference really make the step doing those things and start.

My therapist always tells me I love being / staying in that victim role, because it's much easier to say life is unfair, too much shit happened, I can't deal with this or that and rot away on your couch in your comfort zone and distract you with easy tv or phone than starting to doing some changes, because that needs effort and that's harder than playing the victim role..

Thank you in general for reading my topic and giving me answers and advice

 

[Argo]

Can you give me some advice on how to appreciate these many things I still have left or straight away tell me that I need to grow up and feel like a adult and go through crisis like everyone else?

There's lots to say and many ways to say it but here's one way:

Make life about you as minimally as possible. All the concerns you have for yourself, just spot them, and then also pivot them outward as concern, good intention, patience, honesty, and understanding towards others. Even with the title of your thread, let's try this game:

"I need to learn gratitude-- not only so that I benefit, but so others benefit". And not as some nice sounding story that isn't very real and mostly makes you feel good, but in a way that actually deeply connects a good intention towards others in a way that's free from self-concern, and makes contact with reality, rather than as some sort of superficial signal motivated by reward or an avoidance of something negative.

If you're not sure about what you just read, you might try imagining what your last months with your ex-girlfriend or your ex-best friend would have been like, if they took this more seriously.