I need to know who hate me. Let's ignore each other and never meet again. I just want to die in peace

[Hollowillow]

A while ago, I received a pm that made it clear that people hate me for something I'm not, without trying to know me, discuss, and let me apologize if I hurt them. I wish I was given that chance instead to hate me and try to ban me away from the only friends I have. Maybe we could have been friends too. But I've been hated for the people I love & want to protect...

In the last 2 days I saw extreme bullying for saying anything negative but true about sn.

I thought that this place was different, sacred, with the most beautiful compassion & solidarity that I had ever seen. I was... Sadly wrong.

I hurt someone by ignorance when I first came, deeply regreted it, vowed to have compassion & friendship for everyone here. I suck at showing it, I'm too in pain, but often when I seem angry, I'm actually crying.

But there is a limit to how much unfair hatred an already broken heart can bear.

I just want peace.

So let me know who you are, we'll "ignore" each ither and will never see each other's censored post again. Will never share ideas, argue, help, or become friends.

I wish I understood why you hate me... But did you try to understand me? That maybe you hurt me or someone I care about... No one is perfect.

If mutual blocking is not good enough for you and want to torture me into a full ban, to take away my only friends, all alone bedridden, in agony, terrified... Out of pure spite... when I suffer as much as you already... You'd truly be bullies & monsters.

I propose to let me stay in SS... So I can learn to kill myself. So I can ban myself from the entired planet.

Does it sounds good to you?

It breaks my heart beyond repair. But I am in unbearable agony... Tired... Heartbroken...

I just want peace.

So if you want me banned let me know, we'll block each other, tell all your friends... Register just so you can censor me.

So I'll spend hours trying to write posts to help someone who will never see it. The ultimate soul crushing futility of existence.

If I hurt a gentle soul, I'm sincerely sorry. I didn't notice. I'm in pain out if my mind.

If you bullied me or a gentle soul. You hurt me. I defended myself.

We use the word pro lifer to hurt each other when we disagree instead to try to understand each other with compassion, and find solace in each other. It makes me sad.

I just don't have the strength anymore. You broke me. Are you happy now?

Do you want to see my pictures of me covered in blood after someone beat me? Would it comfort your heart?

I'm sorry for being born. Hopefully I can learn to correct my mother's mistake. Please help me.

Now let's get it over with. Even serials killers deserve a trial before their execution. Let me know who hate me, we can block each other, and never meet again.

I just wanted to be friends. And die.

Thank you

 

[makethepainstop]

A while ago, I received a pm that made it clear that people hate me for something I'm not, without trying to know me, discuss, and let me apologize if I hurt them. I wish I was given that chance instead to hate me and try to ban me away from the only friends I have. Maybe we could have been friends too. But I've been hated for the people I love & want to protect...

In the last 2 days I saw extreme bullying for saying anything negative but true about sn.

I thought that this place was different, sacred, with the most beautiful compassion & solidarity that I had ever seen. I was... Sadly wrong.

I hurt someone by ignorance when I first came, deeply regreted it, vowed to have compassion & friendship for everyone here. I suck at showing it, I'm too in pain, but often when I seem angry, I'm actually crying.

But there is a limit to how much unfair hatred an already broken heart can bear.

I just want peace.

So let me know who you are, we'll "ignore" each ither and will never see each other's censored post again. Will never share ideas, argue, help, or become friends.

I wish I understood why you hate me... But did you try to understand me? That maybe you hurt me or someone I care about... No one is perfect.

If mutual blocking is not good enough for you and want to torture me into a full ban, to take away my only friends, all alone bedridden, in agony, terrified... Out of pure spite... when I suffer as much as you already... You'd truly be bullies & monsters.

I propose to let me stay in SS... So I can learn to kill myself. So I can ban myself from the entired planet.

Does it sounds good to you?

It breaks my heart beyond repair. But I am in unbearable agony... Tired... Heartbroken...

I just want peace.

So if you want me banned let me know, we'll block each other, tell all your friends... Register just so you can censor me.

So I'll spend hours trying to write posts to help someone who will never see it. The ultimate soul crushing futility of existence.

If I hurt a gentle soul, I'm sincerely sorry. I didn't notice. I'm in pain out if my mind.

If you bullied me or a gentle soul. You hurt me. I defended myself.

We use the word pro lifer to hurt each other when we disagree instead to try to understand each other with compassion, and find solace in each other. It makes me sad.

I just don't have the strength anymore. You broke me. Are you happy now?

Do you want to see my pictures of me covered in blood after someone beat me? Would it comfort your heart?

I'm sorry for being born. Hopefully I can learn to correct my mother's mistake. Please help me.

Now let's get it over with. Even serials killers deserve a trial before their execution. Let me know who hate me, we can block each other, and never meet again.

I just wanted to be friends. And die.

Thank you

You are taking this entities thoughts and replys as gospel, they are not. Sometimes people have different views on the same subject. Please do console yourself, you have been nice to me!

 

[Hollowillow]

You are taking this entities thoughts and replys as gospel, they are not. Sometimes people have different views on the same subject. Please do console yourself, you have been nice to me!

Thank you. This is the girl who was bullied, they ganged on her and ran her off the site to hide any dark truth about SN. Why... The only reason to do that is if it's a scam... So I'm not worried that method failed, but I'm terrified that people censor it with extreme hate.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/failed-sn-not-sure-why.92077/page-11#post-1743072

It traumatized us both I haven't slept all night.

I'm scared to be banned for defending her. I made 100 dumb posts a day for weeks, but people only complained the day I tried to protect someone from soul crushing comments...?

And another guy who mocked us all with hatred. I ended up saying that since he despise people who reply every posts, I'll never reply his again, because he hurt my feelings.

I'm tired to be hurt... I have to endure chronic pain... I just wanted info & friends.

 

[haiku]

Please don't take what people say online personally! your posts have always been kind and informative. you express a lot of the same concerns i have but i'm more of a lurker, so i always appreciate the discussions you initiate. shame on the people who are you harassing you via DM.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't hate you. I don't even really know you. I will always wish you, and everyone, peace. May you find yours, eventually.

 

[waitingforrest]

The internet can be as vile as it is liberating. Sorry that you had to experience that, people on the internet tend to forget that there are people behind the screen. And words can hurt.

It's hard to just ignore it, the curiosity to continue to read hate can be intoxicating.

I don't hate you, I don't think I ever will. We are cut from the same cloth after all.

 

[crimson blue]

I don't hate you, in fact I'm very grateful for your kind words in one of my threads. Since english is not my first language (and because I feel unstable), most of the time it's hard for me to reply to a thread, but I want you to know that I appreciate you.

 

[freedompass]

Thank you. This is the girl who was bullied, they ganged on her and ran her off the site to hide any dark truth about SN. Why... The only reason to do that is if it's a scam... So I'm not worried that method failed, but I'm terrified that people censor it with extreme hate.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/failed-sn-not-sure-why.92077/page-11#post-1743072

It traumatized us both I haven't slept all night.

I'm scared to be banned for defending her. I made 100 dumb posts a day for weeks, but people only complained the day I tried to protect someone from soul crushing comments...?

And another guy who mocked us all with hatred. I ended up saying that since he despise people who reply every posts, I'll never reply his again, because he hurt my feelings.

I'm tired to be hurt... I have to endure chronic pain... I just wanted info & friends.

There used to be a Google group called Suicide Methods Hideout back in the day (talking 2013-14). When I first arrived there I was pretty much mobbed in a similar way to that girl. Others did reach out to her with kindness and understanding I believe? In my case they seemed to think I was a 'shill' for a known scammer because I mentioned his name not knowing he was a scammer (because how would I?) I had no idea what a shill even was. All I can say is. There's quite a bit of paranoia here. Perhaps the girl telling them of her failure with SN in all good faith somehow triggered their fear of their trusted method being debunked? When people are scared they often get angry and defensive. Not pretty but just how we are.

I hope you don't get banned hw, I can see how important the site is to you. However that in itself is part of the problem. It's dangerous to put all your emotional eggs in one basket. There are some concerning things (to me at least, I'll speak for myself) in some of your posts and because of how much you write its hard not to see them unless you 'ignore'. Sometimes you do seem to break the rules by suggesting alternative methods to people. This concerns me as does saying you are pro death and pro murder. I have mentioned that to you a couple of times but you don't seem to reply. Perhaps you could try writing a little less and 'listening' and 'replying' a little more? I'm sure most people here have goodwill toward you. But the rules apply to everyone, including you.

 

[Tiny Little Tree]

Did someone PM you in a way that you can't tell who they are? Or did a mod PM you that someone reported you for something? Or something else?

I think the vast majority of the people here will support you using the site and would not want to see you hurt, especially not physically. If a mod is involved in any way, I would hope they have the professionalism to facilitate a good solution.

 

[Hollowillow]

Please don't take what people say online personally! your posts have always been kind and informative. you express a lot of the same concerns i have but i'm more of a lurker, so i always appreciate the discussions you initiate. shame on the people who are you harassing you via DM.

Thank you so much. If only if was just me... But it hurts more when it's my friend or totally innocent people... Accusing them of the worst, trying to murder their kind souls... I hoped that ss was above that... I'm too fragile...

I don't hate you. I don't even really know you. I will always wish you, and everyone, peace. May you find yours, eventually.

Thank you, I like you and would like to be friends. I hope we'll both find peace.

I guess that the people who hate me won't let me know to block them back...

I wish we could just all be friends... I haven't slept in almost 3 days... Stress... Intense pain... I just want to feel safe & appreciated or at least respected.

The internet can be as vile as it is liberating. Sorry that you had to experience that, people on the internet tend to forget that there are people behind the screen. And words can hurt.

It's hard to just ignore it, the curiosity to continue to read hate can be intoxicating.

I don't hate you, I don't think I ever will. We are cut from the same cloth after all.

So true... We're the same. I think some people enjoy it. It's true that I couldn't look away, trapped in disbelief that it'd get better but it got worse... When it's against me I just blame myself, but against people I trust & appreciate... It looks sadistic.

I made a drawing about it. Seen stuff like that sonce a while. Today I couldn't bear to see it against someone who failed to suicide... Twice... Calling them a liar full of shit pro lifer fear mongerer... I understand that it's scary that our method isn't 100% sure... But attacking someone who just LIVED that trauma twice... Something in me broke... Thank you so much for showing me kindness, that not everyone is like this...

I don't hate you, in fact I'm very grateful for your kind words in one of my threads. Since english is not my first language (and because I feel unstable), most of the time it's hard for me to reply to a thread, but I want you to know that I appreciate you.

Oh wow appreciation is the greatest gift, better than N because I don't feel the urge to die when I'm safe with a friend. Thank you. PM me if you wish. Everyone who'd do it gently are welcome too. I'm extra fragile right now.

There used to be a Google group called Suicide Methods Hideout back in the day (talking 2013-14). When I first arrived there I was pretty much mobbed in a similar way to that girl. Others did reach out to her with kindness and understanding I believe? In my case they seemed to think I was a 'shill' for a known scammer because I mentioned his name not knowing he was a scammer (because how would I?) I had no idea what a shill even was. All I can say is. There's quite a bit of paranoia here. Perhaps the girl telling them of her failure with SN in all good faith somehow triggered their fear of their trusted method being debunked? When people are scared they often get angry and defensive. Not pretty but just how we are.

I hope you don't get banned hw, I can see how important the site is to you. However that in itself is part of the problem. It's dangerous to put all your emotional eggs in one basket. There are some concerning things (to me at least, I'll speak for myself) in some of your posts and because of how much you write its hard not to see them unless you 'ignore'. Sometimes you do seem to break the rules by suggesting alternative methods to people. This concerns me as does saying you are pro death and pro murder. I have mentioned that to you a couple of times but you don't seem to reply. Perhaps you could try writing a little less and 'listening' and 'replying' a little more? I'm sure most people here have goodwill toward you. But the rules apply to everyone, including you.

I'm sorry that no one defended you when you got accused somewhere else. I understand their worry, but that girl was even more worried after failing, so addong to that with hatred and unfounded accusation to protect denial... Instead to investigate... It was cruel.

I'm sorry, I post so much I can't keep up with the alerts. I've been in situations where people almost killed me. Killing in self defense is legal. I afmit that I get carried away by topics when people ask about a method. If they want to try drowning, some can say it's the worst method but sn is the most peaceful. They're not pressiring just comparing. Perhaps I do it too directly. It's difficult to not be alloeed to talk about the main topics in certain ways... My brain is bad at adding political correctness, but I'll try better.

Stress makes me talk too much... I listen first before replying. How can I adjust? Thank you

This concerns me as does saying you are pro death and pro murder.

When I say that I'm pro death, it's with irony. But hearing you say it made me wonder what the hell is wrong with me.

I just realized that I've been terrified to be labelled as a pro life, an unwanted spy, not one of us, to becrelentlessly attacked, destroyed, run out of here alone... The more I saw people do it, the more I insusted far. Pro choice, then pro death, pro murder, I reached pro extinction of the human race. Desperately trying to show that I'm one of the group, to not ostracize & hurt me... But then I saw it done to my friends... To a fragile girl who failed ctb... I got angry to make all that hate stop, all the anguish to be rejected & abandonned exploded... If I couldn't save myself maybe I could at least shield her...

I don't think that pro lifers would register, they just take screen shots. Scammers probably do... But I wish we were kinder... To not panic if something isn't 100% perfect, to share experience to help each other avoid problems... I'm like a bucket... If someone puke in agression you won't have puppies in there... I need a hug...

 

[freedompass]

Thank you so much. If only if was just me... But it hurts more when it's my friend or totally innocent people... Accusing them of the worst, trying to murder their kind souls... I hoped that ss was above that... I'm too fragile...

Thank you, I like you and would like to be friends. I hope we'll both find peace.

I guess that the people who hate me won't let me know to block them back...

I wish we could just all be friends... I haven't slept in almost 3 days... Stress... Intense pain... I just want to feel safe & appreciated or at least respected.

So true... We're the same. I think some people enjoy it. It's true that I couldn't look away, trapped in disbelief that it'd get better but it got worse... When it's against me I just blame myself, but against people I trust & appreciate... It looks sadistic.

I made a drawing about it. Seen stuff like that sonce a while. Today I couldn't bear to see it against someone who failed to suicide... Twice... Calling them a liar full of shit pro lifer fear mongerer... I understand that it's scary that our method isn't 100% sure... But attacking someone who just LIVED that trauma twice... Something in me broke... Thank you so much for showing me kindness, that not everyone is like this...

View attachment 99395

Oh wow appreciation is the greatest gift, better than N because I don't feel the urge to die when I'm safe with a friend. Thank you. PM me if you wish. Everyone who'd do it gently are welcome too. I'm extra fragile right now.

I'm sorry that no one defended you when you got accused somewhere else. I understand their worry, but that girl was even more worried after failing, so addong to that with hatred and unfounded accusation to protect denial... Instead to investigate... It was cruel.

I'm sorry, I post so much I can't keep up with the alerts. I've been in situations where people almost killed me. Killing in self defense is legal. I afmit that I get carried away by topics when people ask about a method. If they want to try drowning, some can say it's the worst method but sn is the most peaceful. They're not pressiring just comparing. Perhaps I do it too directly. It's difficult to not be alloeed to talk about the main topics in certain ways... My brain is bad at adding political correctness, but I'll try better.

Stress makes me talk too much... I listen first before replying. How can I adjust? Thank you

I agree that was pretty shitty, I'm not sure I saw the offending posts, I thought people did reach out to her on her thread, if she was upset or shaken up by it I'm sorry, reacting like that was unnecessary and kinda dumb…

Really sounds like you need to get some rest.

 

[Hollowillow]

I agree that was pretty shitty, I'm not sure I saw the offending posts, I thought people did reach out to her on her thread, if she was upset or shaken up by it I'm sorry, reacting like that was unnecessary and kinda dumb…

Really sounds like you need to get some rest.

I don't have the quotes, but someone made a post "pro lifers among us" to insult my griend. Because he's in the rope club instead of the sn club, and questionned if sn really is more peaceful. He got ripped appart and me too. But I wanted to try sn.

Thank you... I can't sleep... I fear to be banned when I wake up. Or get a worsened social phobia thatvreaches online too... Thank you for helping me. I have to ctb... I can't fix something broken into dust... Asking for help gets me threats... I got more today... I'm losing my mind so hard...

 

[freedompass]

Thank you so much. If only if was just me... But it hurts more when it's my friend or totally innocent people... Accusing them of the worst, trying to murder their kind souls... I hoped that ss was above that... I'm too fragile...

Thank you, I like you and would like to be friends. I hope we'll both find peace.

I guess that the people who hate me won't let me know to block them back...

I wish we could just all be friends... I haven't slept in almost 3 days... Stress... Intense pain... I just want to feel safe & appreciated or at least respected.

So true... We're the same. I think some people enjoy it. It's true that I couldn't look away, trapped in disbelief that it'd get better but it got worse... When it's against me I just blame myself, but against people I trust & appreciate... It looks sadistic.

I made a drawing about it. Seen stuff like that sonce a while. Today I couldn't bear to see it against someone who failed to suicide... Twice... Calling them a liar full of shit pro lifer fear mongerer... I understand that it's scary that our method isn't 100% sure... But attacking someone who just LIVED that trauma twice... Something in me broke... Thank you so much for showing me kindness, that not everyone is like this...

View attachment 99395

Oh wow appreciation is the greatest gift, better than N because I don't feel the urge to die when I'm safe with a friend. Thank you. PM me if you wish. Everyone who'd do it gently are welcome too. I'm extra fragile right now.

I'm sorry that no one defended you when you got accused somewhere else. I understand their worry, but that girl was even more worried after failing, so addong to that with hatred and unfounded accusation to protect denial... Instead to investigate... It was cruel.

I'm sorry, I post so much I can't keep up with the alerts. I've been in situations where people almost killed me. Killing in self defense is legal. I afmit that I get carried away by topics when people ask about a method. If they want to try drowning, some can say it's the worst method but sn is the most peaceful. They're not pressiring just comparing. Perhaps I do it too directly. It's difficult to not be alloeed to talk about the main topics in certain ways... My brain is bad at adding political correctness, but I'll try better.

Stress makes me talk too much... I listen first before replying. How can I adjust? Thank you


When I say that I'm pro death, it's with irony. But hearing you say it made me wonder what the hell is wrong with me.

I just realized that I've been terrified to be labelled as a pro life, an unwanted spy, not one of us, to becrelentlessly attacked, destroyed, run out of here alone... The more I saw people do it, the more I insusted far. Pro choice, then pro death, pro murder, I reached pro extinction of the human race. Desperately trying to show that I'm one of the group, to not ostracize & hurt me... But then I saw it done to my friends... To a fragile girl who failed ctb... I got angry to make all that hate stop, all the anguish to be rejected & abandonned exploded... If I couldn't save myself maybe I could at least shield her...

I don't think that pro lifers would register, they just take screen shots. Scammers probably do... But I wish we were kinder... To not panic if something isn't 100% perfect, to share experience to help each other avoid problems... I'm like a bucket... If someone puke in agression you won't have puppies in there... I need a hug...

This is the internet hw it's open to all including toxic people and predators. I hear the desperation in your posts and am disturbed by your situation…you talk of being bedridden in a 'poisoned' flat that is causing your skin to peel and never mention having any real life help or support whatsoever. There is such a thing as making yourself too vulnerable online! No one ever claimed SaSu was different from anywhere else, people will pile in on vulnerability or perceived weakness wherever they find it. Please be careful!

 

[Pluto]

I just realized that I've been terrified to be labelled as a pro life, an unwanted spy

This is real honesty here. What you describe is typical of group social dynamics. It can also cause a group to drift towards irrationality and extremism, since each member is striving to be above average in terms of their dedication to the group's perspective, leading the collective down a dubious path.

Some people are here to 'cry for help' and when I sense that, I try and share advice that might help them consider an effective recovery approach. Other people are sadly at an advanced stage of suicidality already, and the only acceptable topics are method advice or being comforted and embraced in their final hours.

Unfortunately, the nature of this subject matter is that some people will be here in a very sensitive and fragile state, others in a cynical and aggressive mindset - a bad mix. Then there are the usual issues with internet anonymity and lack of personal accountability for online content. Sorry to hear you have been feeling such distress and I hope you have some way of taking your mind off these internet dramas. It is very important to focus your attention on yourself and your own wellbeing.

 

[freedompass]

This is real honesty here. What you describe is typical of group social dynamics. It can also cause a group to drift towards irrationality and extremism, since each member is striving to be above average in terms of their dedication to the group's perspective, leading the collective down a dubious path.

Some people are here to 'cry for help' and when I sense that, I try and share advice that might help them consider an effective recovery approach. Other people are sadly at an advanced stage of suicidality already, and the only acceptable topics are method advice or being comforted and embraced in their final hours.

Unfortunately, the nature of this subject matter is that some people will be here in a very sensitive and fragile state, others in a cynical and aggressive mindset - a bad mix. Then there are the usual issues with internet anonymity and lack of personal accountability for online content. Sorry to hear you have been feeling such distress and I hope you have some way of taking your mind off these internet dramas. It is very important to focus your attention on yourself and your own wellbeing.

You make salient points. I concur with all of them. Judging as accurately as possible where the other person is coming from before replying is pretty important because not everyone is here for the same reason. We are all unique individuals and one size won't fit all.

Expecting that kind of delicacy and sensitivity on an open forum like this with thousands of members is probably flat out unrealistic. I've long since learned to set my expectations of other humans to 'very low'. That way I'm rarely shocked or disappointed.

 

[FuneralCry]

Nowhere in this world is free from the cruelty and hostility of people. Wherever there are humans there is the potential for harm to be created so therefore it's always better to be alone. The internet often brings out the worst in people and many people act in an obnoxious way as a form of attention seeking. Some people would do anything for attention. It's just the way that humans are and this type of thing is certainly best to be avoided. This site offers no relief from everything that is wrong with this world, it could never do. Often the way that people act reminds me of why I want to ctb in the first place.