SolomonKado
This is taking too long…
- Jul 4, 2023
- 424
I'm so bitter anymore, but I still have this small feeling deep down to be around people. Even though everything I've been through.
I have this thought that our animal instinct pushes us when everything else in us gives up. A "Survival" tactic. Mine are pretty strong and especially from being in the military by the training and trauma…. If I could shut those off I could finally be at peace….it's been 15 years and no matter how hard I try to survive all my pain it only gets worse because of how this world is.
Working in a prison I'd hold the staff higher in regard then inmates. That was a horrible mistake. A staff could get you murdered by inmates because of their inability to communicate with them. Pissing them off so bad that at first they try to walk away because "Rules." Then they ruminate on it for awhile and the next staff that comes along gets put in the hospital. Same thing where some of those staff get attacked because an inmate waited until the perfect moment to get them back for being trash to inmates and other staff.
I felt bad for a guy who got seriously stabbed multiple times until I found out how he treated inmates and staff. I was glad it was him because he could have gotten a good random staff hurt…. After all that he was made a higher ranking supervisor over staff…..
Fuck this world.. I do everything I can to not be a burden to anyone and because of a corrupt industry I get torn to pieces. They pretend they are military, but they are nothing close to it.
After 14 years of telling myself everything will be okay the last straw was achieved this year by so many bad and traumatical events there. No bother to them because they got rid of someone who didn't like their BS….bad place to stand up for yourself….
When I'm gone they will say I was mentally disturbed and an alcoholic. They won't say that place has most of its staff turning alcoholic or in constant therapy and psych meds for many years. That place is really good at shoving things under the rug and not taking responsibility. Even when they were sued the offer basically "bribes" and call them a settlement. If it wasn't for the peoples greedy nature then something might have been done….also that bribe money is from citizen taxes…
It's not the inmates. Just don't treat them like trash. It's the staff and the way they promote the worst to be in charge…I wish I could fight my SI more so I could be at peace already…. I let myself get so empty by delaying myself that peace….
I have this thought that our animal instinct pushes us when everything else in us gives up. A "Survival" tactic. Mine are pretty strong and especially from being in the military by the training and trauma…. If I could shut those off I could finally be at peace….it's been 15 years and no matter how hard I try to survive all my pain it only gets worse because of how this world is.
Working in a prison I'd hold the staff higher in regard then inmates. That was a horrible mistake. A staff could get you murdered by inmates because of their inability to communicate with them. Pissing them off so bad that at first they try to walk away because "Rules." Then they ruminate on it for awhile and the next staff that comes along gets put in the hospital. Same thing where some of those staff get attacked because an inmate waited until the perfect moment to get them back for being trash to inmates and other staff.
I felt bad for a guy who got seriously stabbed multiple times until I found out how he treated inmates and staff. I was glad it was him because he could have gotten a good random staff hurt…. After all that he was made a higher ranking supervisor over staff…..
Fuck this world.. I do everything I can to not be a burden to anyone and because of a corrupt industry I get torn to pieces. They pretend they are military, but they are nothing close to it.
After 14 years of telling myself everything will be okay the last straw was achieved this year by so many bad and traumatical events there. No bother to them because they got rid of someone who didn't like their BS….bad place to stand up for yourself….
When I'm gone they will say I was mentally disturbed and an alcoholic. They won't say that place has most of its staff turning alcoholic or in constant therapy and psych meds for many years. That place is really good at shoving things under the rug and not taking responsibility. Even when they were sued the offer basically "bribes" and call them a settlement. If it wasn't for the peoples greedy nature then something might have been done….also that bribe money is from citizen taxes…
It's not the inmates. Just don't treat them like trash. It's the staff and the way they promote the worst to be in charge…I wish I could fight my SI more so I could be at peace already…. I let myself get so empty by delaying myself that peace….
