I need to die this weekend. Please help me and stick around.

[oneweekleft]

I wanted to ctb for quite a while now. It's the perfect time to do it and i don't act on impulse. Nothing can be done to make my life better or to solve the problems in my life. The problem is to be alive in the first place.

I would like to leave some well written witty note or post to you, but my brain i fucked and I'm nothing but tired.

I don't know if I should do it tomorrow or on sunday, I'll do it during the day, in case a neighbour hears me moaning at night and calls the police.

The method is SN. I've got SN from two sources. I'll take benzos and lyrica constantly during the next days (or maybe oxycodone, but not together with benzos of course). It will go like this:

- fast for 8 hours
- take 800 mg of ibuprofen 60 minutes before the SN
- take 30 mg of domperidone 45 minutes before the SN
- take 40 mg of omeprazol 30 minutes before the SN
- 30 g of SN dissolved in 60ml of water - 3 glasses prepared in case of puking (30g because I weigh 93kg, in the pph it has been stated, that you should take 35g, if you weigh more than 100kg, since I weigh close to that I took it to 30 g. And I take 60 ml of water because I take 30 g instead of 25g and in the pph they wrote, that you can take 50-100 ml of water.

Is that correct?

Please do me one last favour. I never had friends and I want to die badly, but it sucks, when you know , you'll be dead in 2 days, you're just like sitting in death row, waiting for it to happen. Could some of you look in this thread once in a while for the next two days. The latest day to ctb is monday.
I don't want to exist anymore, but the idea of just not being anymore is unthinkable und unimaginable, because you cannot think a state, in which you are not able to think anymore.

I'm afraid of an afterlive, I think it's impossible that there is something like that. I don't have time to read up a lot on that. Could some of you give me some rational reasons why it doesn't exist?

I could try to write you how I feel after taking the SN, but I doubt I will be able to type a lot in this condition.

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

I'm sure folks will take time and look over this thread. Sorry that this is how is going to end, may your pain end smoothly.

I wish you the best.

 

[hopelessgirl]

You know how you fall asleep in the evening. And then suddenly you wake up in the morning. That peace and calm and emptiness during the night, that is how I imagine and think death to be.

 

[Gosuipo]

Let me give you a hug. I'm here with you my friend.

 

[Meretlein]

I am really sorry that it has come to this for you. I hope this site can mitigate the loneliness of your final days. I know I will be thinking of you this weekend.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best with your plans, I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering. I believe there is nothing after death, just like how before we were born, time passed and we did not experience anything. There is no evidence of there being anything else. Once we lose consciousness that is it for us, we are gone. Death is true peace. I know how you feel, life is also the problem for me and everything is hopeless.

 

[$nowLeopard]

I linked with the timestamp
turn on subtitles.

If there is an afterlife it's not horrifying. You will exist but differently then you do right now. Just like there is a difference between your existence when you were in the womb and now, there will be a difference when you will die. I don't think it will be painful.

 

[oneweekleft]

Thank you very much for your posts and affection. I just wanted to let you know, that tomorrow afternoon I'll have a meeting with a family member and I won't do it after that, because I don't want to make noise at night, because that could make my neighbours suspicious and lead them to call the police. I don't know if it's acceptable to make noise on a sunday, so I'm considering monday. But I won't procrastinate it. There is no way out. I'll be dead at latest by monday noon.

One important question:
I've got SN from a polish supplier and SN marketed as meat curing salt bought in canada. The SN from poland is very clumpy. Is that a problem? I searched some threads and some people wrote it is not, but some wrote it could be. Is this SN meat curing salt from canada, that has been recommended from users from this forum, reliable?

Since I don't want to open it too soon, I'll make a blood test on sunday. Where should I cut or prick myselft to get some blood? Probably I'll go for the thumb.

 

[Dead Meat]

I am really sorry you feel you have to go, I will definitely be thinking of you @oneweekleft over the weekend. I wish you a very comfortable and pleasant journey and may you have everlasting peace and tranquility

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

You know how you fall asleep in the evening. And then suddenly you wake up in the morning. That peace and calm and emptiness during the night, that is how I imagine and think death to be.

So true about the evening… How it's calm and peaceful… The perfect escape

 

[hopelessgirl]

So true about the evening… How it's calm and peaceful… The perfect escape

Yeah !
I'm almost ok with being "alive" when I go to bed, because I know I can rest in emptiness for at least 12 hours (yes I sleep a lot to escape as much as possible).

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Yeah !
I'm almost ok with being "alive" when I go to bed, because I know I can rest in emptiness for at least 12 hours (yes I sleep a lot to escape as much as possible).

All the rest of the world is busy during the day, at least at night you don't feel like you are playing hooky from existence entirely…

 

[corpse_prince]

I hope everything goes well.
Please know that if you feel like you're not ready yet, or want to change your mind that's entirely okay. If you stay, I hope things ease up, and that life is kinder to you.
If you're sure about it, I wish you safe travels.
May the time before be pleasant and peaceful too.
Like the comments above, I imagine death to be like a dreamless sleep too. Restful and calm.
You sound like a kind person, I hope you find peace in whatever way is best.

 

[hopelessgirl]

Thank you very much for your posts and affection. I just wanted to let you know, that tomorrow afternoon I'll have a meeting with a family member and I won't do it after that, because I don't want to make noise at night, because that could make my neighbours suspicious and lead them to call the police. I don't know if it's acceptable to make noise on a sunday, so I'm considering monday. But I won't procrastinate it. There is no way out. I'll be dead at latest by monday noon.

One important question:
I've got SN from a polish supplier and SN marketed as meat curing salt bought in canada. The SN from poland is very clumpy. Is that a problem? I searched some threads and some people wrote it is not, but some wrote it could be. Is this SN meat curing salt from canada, that has been recommended from users from this forum, reliable?

Since I don't want to open it too soon, I'll make a blood test on sunday. Where should I cut or prick myselft to get some blood? Probably I'll go for the thumb.

Just make sure to use a razor blade or something really Sharp. Then it really isn't a problem. I just took a blade of my razor blade. The cut is so thin and precise you really don't have to force it or go deep :-) then just squeeze a bit. Or use a needle ;-) you don't need a lot of blood to see that the SN is changing the blood from red to black

 

[LoveTakesManyForms]

I wanted to ctb for quite a while now. It's the perfect time to do it and i don't act on impulse. Nothing can be done to make my life better or to solve the problems in my life. The problem is to be alive in the first place.

I would like to leave some well written witty note or post to you, but my brain i fucked and I'm nothing but tired.

I don't know if I should do it tomorrow or on sunday, I'll do it during the day, in case a neighbour hears me moaning at night and calls the police.

The method is SN. I've got SN from two sources. I'll take benzos and lyrica constantly during the next days (or maybe oxycodone, but not together with benzos of course). It will go like this:

- fast for 8 hours
- take 800 mg of ibuprofen 60 minutes before the SN
- take 30 mg of domperidone 45 minutes before the SN
- take 40 mg of omeprazol 30 minutes before the SN
- 30 g of SN dissolved in 60ml of water - 3 glasses prepared in case of puking (30g because I weigh 93kg, in the pph it has been stated, that you should take 35g, if you weigh more than 100kg, since I weigh close to that I took it to 30 g. And I take 60 ml of water because I take 30 g instead of 25g and in the pph they wrote, that you can take 50-100 ml of water.

Is that correct?

Please do me one last favour. I never had friends and I want to die badly, but it sucks, when you know , you'll be dead in 2 days, you're just like sitting in death row, waiting for it to happen. Could some of you look in this thread once in a while for the next two days. The latest day to ctb is monday.
I don't want to exist anymore, but the idea of just not being anymore is unthinkable und unimaginable, because you cannot think a state, in which you are not able to think anymore.

I'm afraid of an afterlive, I think it's impossible that there is something like that. I don't have time to read up a lot on that. Could some of you give me some rational reasons why it doesn't exist?

I could try to write you how I feel after taking the SN, but I doubt I will be able to type a lot in this condition.

Like the others, I wish you peace my friend.

On the subject of an afterlife, this is something I have pondered many times.
The conclusion I eventually came to is that, since nobody knows what happens, we might as well buy into whatever idea makes us feel peaceful and serene.

I don't want to live forever in any kind of afterlife; spending eternity doing anything doesn't gel well with me, be it in a so-called heaven or hell.
1) Without contrast such places could not exist; there cannot be pleasure without pain or vice versa. How could good be good without bad to define it?
2) I can't bring myself to believe in a place as horrible as Hell, if such a place exists then no person should ever have to go there, regardless of the mistakes they made here. After all, any mistakes they made were by design, for the uncontrollable influences of this world led them to those mistakes.

It smacks of a control mechanism invented by human beings; somebody thought up the worst place imaginable to threaten people with when their behaviour doesn't suit an agenda, harkening back to the ancient human struggle for power and control over others.
It seems far too earthly a concept to truly exist in the afterlife- too fearful and horrendous.
Besides, some people live in Hell here. If they die and go to Hell in the next world, then it's a no-win situation, and what would be the point of that?
No Creator worth a damn would create such a predicament for any being.

So for me the only solution that works is non-existence. It seems a scary thing now, but it's not something that we'll be aware of on the other side.
Therefore the problem lies in the worrying about it in this life.
If we simply embrace it now without resistance, or cease thinking about it, once we're there we won't know we're gone. This is how we avoid suffering. It is the perfect ending to existence.
After all, death is inevitable anyway, whether or not it is caused by one's own hand. A life lived in fear of it is a life poorly spent.


Does this help at all? This realisation brought me peace after many years of fear and despair surrounding Death.

 

[blueclover_.]

I wanted to ctb for quite a while now. It's the perfect time to do it and i don't act on impulse. Nothing can be done to make my life better or to solve the problems in my life. The problem is to be alive in the first place.

I would like to leave some well written witty note or post to you, but my brain i fucked and I'm nothing but tired.

I don't know if I should do it tomorrow or on sunday, I'll do it during the day, in case a neighbour hears me moaning at night and calls the police.

The method is SN. I've got SN from two sources. I'll take benzos and lyrica constantly during the next days (or maybe oxycodone, but not together with benzos of course). It will go like this:

- fast for 8 hours
- take 800 mg of ibuprofen 60 minutes before the SN
- take 30 mg of domperidone 45 minutes before the SN
- take 40 mg of omeprazol 30 minutes before the SN
- 30 g of SN dissolved in 60ml of water - 3 glasses prepared in case of puking (30g because I weigh 93kg, in the pph it has been stated, that you should take 35g, if you weigh more than 100kg, since I weigh close to that I took it to 30 g. And I take 60 ml of water because I take 30 g instead of 25g and in the pph they wrote, that you can take 50-100 ml of water.

Is that correct?

Please do me one last favour. I never had friends and I want to die badly, but it sucks, when you know , you'll be dead in 2 days, you're just like sitting in death row, waiting for it to happen. Could some of you look in this thread once in a while for the next two days. The latest day to ctb is monday.
I don't want to exist anymore, but the idea of just not being anymore is unthinkable und unimaginable, because you cannot think a state, in which you are not able to think anymore.

I'm afraid of an afterlive, I think it's impossible that there is something like that. I don't have time to read up a lot on that. Could some of you give me some rational reasons why it doesn't exist?

I could try to write you how I feel after taking the SN, but I doubt I will be able to type a lot in this condition.

50 ml of water is better i believe. A lot of people seem to be ctbing this Sunday. Anyway, i hope you find the peace you're looking for.

 

[trianglesplayhouse]

Of course it would be better if you left a note and maybe tomorrow or on Sunday you'll have a bit more energy for it.

Take your time and go for it when you feel 100% ready. If you do and the note isn't written then don't worry about it.

A bit off topic however are you planning to document it somehow?

 

[oneweekleft]

Of course it would be better if you left a note and maybe tomorrow or on Sunday you'll have a bit more energy for it.

Take your time and go for it when you feel 100% ready. If you do and the note isn't written then don't worry about it.

A bit off topic however are you planning to document it somehow?

I decided to write a suicide note and will leave a message placed behind the locked door to call the police.

What do you mean with documenting exactly? For educational purposes I could try to write how it felt to drink the SN and which symptoms came up. But I don't know if I'm able to do this at that point when the body dies.

I guess, I won't live stream it :) . I don't want a video of me circulating in the web. But my existence has been so utterly senseless, I would think about making an online call to a trusted person, that could tell people here like dying with SN could look like. But I don't really know a person here. If there's a big interest, I would think about it. If someone is willing to document it, write me a pm and I'll make up my mind.

 

[blueclover_.]

I decided to write a suicide note and will leave a message placed behind the locked door to call the police.

What do you mean with documenting exactly? For educational purposes I could try to write how it felt to drink the SN and which symptoms came up. But I don't know if I'm able to do this at that point when the body dies.

I guess, I won't live stream it :) . I don't want a video of me circulating in the web. But my existence has been so utterly senseless, I would think about making an online call to a trusted person, that could tell people here like dying with SN could look like. But I don't really know a person here. If there's a big interest, I would think about it. If someone is willing to document it, write me a pm and I'll make up my mind.

I am so sorry that life has brought you to this point. I just need to say this: Nausea, tachycardia, headache, and anxiety are to be expected with SN. It's good that you plan to take meds to ease the symptoms, let's hope that they are strong enough. However, the peacefulness still depends on your pain tolerance. I hope you find peace regardless.

 

[oneweekleft]

I'm going to do it tomorrow. Will there be a lot of noise? I live alone in a flat in a rather badly soundproofed house. But I think the eventually vomitting won't be too loud and I'm not the person that screams in pain, maybe there will be some unconscious moaning, but I guess, that's tolerable and won't attract a lot attention. So I think it's fine to do it on a sunday prior to 5 pm.

It's probably okay to open the sealed SN bottle to do a blood test one day prior to the attempt. Since I own two different brands of SN I hope at least one of them is legit. To make sure it is legit, I'll post a picture of the blood test.

 

[trianglesplayhouse]

I decided to write a suicide note and will leave a message placed behind the locked door to call the police.

What do you mean with documenting exactly? For educational purposes I could try to write how it felt to drink the SN and which symptoms came up. But I don't know if I'm able to do this at that point when the body dies.

I guess, I won't live stream it :) . I don't want a video of me circulating in the web. But my existence has been so utterly senseless, I would think about making an online call to a trusted person, that could tell people here like dying with SN could look like. But I don't really know a person here. If there's a big interest, I would think about it. If someone is willing to document it, write me a pm and I'll make up my mind.

It is completely up to you whether you decide to document it somehow.

Don't feel pressured to do it. Your last moments shouldn't be uncomfortable or filled with anxiety.

If you do decide to document it, I wouldn't mind helping you.

 

[oneweekleft]

I've got two more questions:
1: The last meal I ate was at 1 pm today. Considering I'll be doing it tomorrow noon to afternoon that food fasting period over 36 hour should be enough. Is it okay to drink soft drinks (I've got that low calory dissovable bolero drinking powder) and coffee up to 8 hours to taking the sn?

2: I read that it is okay to drink water up to two hours before taking the SN. I would like to take 6 larger pills of Lyrica and benzos 4 hours before the sn. Is that okay?

That will probably be my last questions. I only need to test the SN, but I got it from credible sources, so that shouldn't pose a problem.

 

[oneweekleft]

My family decided to just stop by around here with some people during this day and look for my car, that I want to sell. Bad timing. I'm definitely not making excuses or procrastinating anything. It's going to be this night or monday morning. I'll make a goodbye thread, if you don't mind.

 

[blueclover_.]

I've got two more questions:
1: The last meal I ate was at 1 pm today. Considering I'll be doing it tomorrow noon to afternoon that food fasting period over 36 hour should be enough. Is it okay to drink soft drinks (I've got that low calory dissovable bolero drinking powder) and coffee up to 8 hours to taking the sn?

Don't drink anything other than plain water. Sugar and coffee could trigger acid production in the stomach. Better be safe than sorry.

2: I read that it is okay to drink water up to two hours before taking the SN. I would like to take 6 larger pills of Lyrica and benzos 4 hours before the sn. Is that okay?

I don't know anything about Lyrica but does that have the same effect as beta-blockers? I think you should try to stick to the guide as close as possible.

That will probably be my last questions. I only need to test the SN, but I got it from credible sources, so that shouldn't pose a problem.

I hope you find peace whatever your final decision is.

 

[LoveTakesManyForms]

My family decided to just stop by around here with some people during this day and look for my car, that I want to sell. Bad timing. I'm definitely not making excuses or procrastinating anything. It's going to be this night or monday morning. I'll make a goodbye thread, if you don't mind.

Even if you are making excuses, suicide is an incredibly difficult undertaking, my friend. I'd not judge you for that.
People spend years surviving by "making excuses", and none could blame them. You've my respect either way.

Also and I know this might be a little degrading, but you may consider gagging yourself with a sock or something, if you're worried about moaning etc.
Again, sorry if that's an offensive suggestion.

 

[oneweekleft]

Don't drink anything other than plain water. Sugar and coffee could trigger acid production in the stomach. Better be safe than sorry.


I don't know anything about Lyrica but does that have the same effect as beta-blockers? I think you should try to stick to the guide as close as possible.


I hope you find peace whatever your final decision is.

I thought as long as you stop eating and drinking at least 8 hours before the SN, it doesn't matter what you drink before. A good cup of coffee is one of the last things I enjoy anmore. I will stop drinking coffee 10 hours before the SN and take some omeprazol right after that and of course 30 mins before the sn.

Since my plans were shatterd due to my familes visits, it's going to go like that:
- I ate for the last time at 1am today
- I will stop drinking coffee and water at 10 pm today
- I'll takte 6 100 mg pills of lyrica at midnight, 9 hours before the SN (that's an antiepileptic, also used to treat anxiety disorder and makes you not caring about anything anymore, but makes you more numb than benzos. It makes me feel a little dissociated.
- I'll start the procedure i described in my first post at 8 am tomorrow.

Do you think, that's fairly acceptable? This is the 27th post in this thread, I feel ashamed for makung such a fuzz about that stuff, but this will be my last post before I'll say goodbye.

I never took drugs really, but last week I bought some oxycodone and will use that to have a fairly nice day.

I'm sure, I'll die tomorrow morning, there is no way out. It's not easy to kill myself, since I'm a quite sensitive, phlegmatic person that is not impulsive or brutal at all.

 

[LoveTakesManyForms]

I thought as long as you stop eating and drinking at least 8 hours before the SN, it doesn't matter what you drank before. A good cup of coffee is one of the last things I enjoy anmore. I will stop drinking coffee 10 hours before the SN and takensome omeprazol right after that and of course 30 mins before the sn.

Since my plans were shatterd it's going to go like that:
- I ate again at 1am today
- I will stop drinking coffee and water at 10 pm
- I'll takte 6 100 mg pills of lyrica at midnight, 9 hours before the SN (that's an antiepileptic, also used to treat anxiety disorder and makes younnot caring about anything anymore, but makes you more numb than benzos.
- I'll start the procedure i described in my first post at 8 am tomorrow.

Do you thank, that's fairly acceptable. This is the 27th post in this thread, I feel such ashamed for makung such a fuzz about that stuff, but this will be my last post before I'll say goodbye.

I'm sure, I'll die tomorrow morning, there is no way out. It's not easy to kill myself, since I'm a quite sensitive, phlegmatic person that is not impulsive or brutal at all.

Mate, don't feel ashamed. I'm sure if you could be happy alive you'd be doing that instead of this.
It breaks my heart that all you've got left is dying alone. I feel like society has failed you. We've all failed you. Don't you apologise.
I wish I could be there to hold your hand and see you through.

 

[blueclover_.]

I thought as long as you stop eating and drinking at least 8 hours before the SN, it doesn't matter what you drink before. A good cup of coffee is one of the last things I enjoy anmore. I will stop drinking coffee 10 hours before the SN and take some omeprazol right after that and of course 30 mins before the sn.

Since my plans were shatterd due to my familes visits, it's going to go like that:
- I ate for the last time at 1am today
- I will stop drinking coffee and water at 10 pm today
- I'll takte 6 100 mg pills of lyrica at midnight, 9 hours before the SN (that's an antiepileptic, also used to treat anxiety disorder and makes you not caring about anything anymore, but makes you more numb than benzos. It makes me feel a little dissociated.
- I'll start the procedure i described in my first post at 8 am tomorrow.

Do you think, that's fairly acceptable? This is the 27th post in this thread, I feel ashamed for makung such a fuzz about that stuff, but this will be my last post before I'll say goodbye.

I never took drugs really, but last week I bought some oxycodone and will use that to have a fairly nice day.

I'm sure, I'll die tomorrow morning, there is no way out. It's not easy to kill myself, since I'm a quite sensitive, phlegmatic person that is not impulsive or brutal at all.

I think that'll work. The point of 8-hour fasting is to make sure no sugar/salt/other substances could possibly trigger the acid production in your stomach. Do you have antacid? Double dose that and you should be good.

Don't feel ashamed or pressured to post anything, this is an open forum and everyone is allowed to interact however they please within the rules. Take your time, if this is your final decision then we're all wishing you peace. If you change your mind, that is completely fine and a lot of people here will try to help you. Best of luck.

 

[oneweekleft]

I'm going mad. Now my family visits me tomorrow once more because they need a document. 3 Days in a row, because they sell my/our car.
These sincerely aren't excuses. Of course they didn't tell when they are coming, so maybe it's going to happen tomorrow evening (night is too risky because of the noises) or tuesday.

Why can't I just die when I want to. Either way, it will happen.

 

[oneweekleft]

I just woke up. I haven't eaten anything for 10 hours. I will do it in roughly 6 to 7 hours. I took some Lyrica and Bupropion. I bought my SN from reputable sources, but if I've got the strenghth, I'll do a blood test.