dmdmdm
Student
- Sep 20, 2023
- 132
First of all: I've got constant mood swings. From a serious attempt on thursday and practising it a few hours ago to now wanting to recover. What I say now and how I act/behave might be different to how I'm going to behave any other time. In the following I'll briefly describe myself and my situation.
English is not my mother tongue.
I'm 18 years old, from Germany, and I've been severely depressed for about 3 months now after my ex girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me. I've been fantasizing about suicide for way longer than that, but never seriously considered it the same way as I do right now.
The fact and the way things ended with her is what got me here. Not only did I lose my girlfriend, the person that I thought I was gonna marry, but also my best and only friend. I still love her but she doesn't want anything to do with me at all.
Right now I want to recover, but I don't really know how. I know that having a girl like her in my life would help me massively but I seriously don't see anyone being able to love me for the way I am. One of the reasons our relationship fell apart were my mental problems, that, at that time, I did not acknowledge nor even thought were real. (Coping mechanism???). That alone would be too much for anyone to handle, but other than that I'm also just weird. I don't like going out, I don't like socializing. All I need is that one person and other than that I could care less about people. Sorry for the unnecessarily long text, I would have liked to add so much more but I don't think anyone would've cared.
Now to the evaluation part:
Do you think I'll be able to pull it off? I'm only 18 years old as mentioned, so technically I've got plenty of time in comparison to others, technically. What I just don't get is how and where I should start recovering. I've got my first professional therapist appointment in two days, even though I doubt that's going to help. Are there people out there, my age, that would want to be together, with the intent of staying together forever, with a severely suicidal person like me? Looking around the people my age, everyone just seems so, so different...
I feel like an idiot typing this, what's even the point? I'm not even able to clearly state everything that I would like to, I'm really dumb.
Whatever, thanks for reading
English is not my mother tongue.
I'm 18 years old, from Germany, and I've been severely depressed for about 3 months now after my ex girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me. I've been fantasizing about suicide for way longer than that, but never seriously considered it the same way as I do right now.
The fact and the way things ended with her is what got me here. Not only did I lose my girlfriend, the person that I thought I was gonna marry, but also my best and only friend. I still love her but she doesn't want anything to do with me at all.
Right now I want to recover, but I don't really know how. I know that having a girl like her in my life would help me massively but I seriously don't see anyone being able to love me for the way I am. One of the reasons our relationship fell apart were my mental problems, that, at that time, I did not acknowledge nor even thought were real. (Coping mechanism???). That alone would be too much for anyone to handle, but other than that I'm also just weird. I don't like going out, I don't like socializing. All I need is that one person and other than that I could care less about people. Sorry for the unnecessarily long text, I would have liked to add so much more but I don't think anyone would've cared.
Now to the evaluation part:
Do you think I'll be able to pull it off? I'm only 18 years old as mentioned, so technically I've got plenty of time in comparison to others, technically. What I just don't get is how and where I should start recovering. I've got my first professional therapist appointment in two days, even though I doubt that's going to help. Are there people out there, my age, that would want to be together, with the intent of staying together forever, with a severely suicidal person like me? Looking around the people my age, everyone just seems so, so different...
I feel like an idiot typing this, what's even the point? I'm not even able to clearly state everything that I would like to, I'm really dumb.
Whatever, thanks for reading
