Help I need opinions on Christianity as a current atheist / if joining christianity is a good idea

[RosebyAnyName]

Context: my parents were both Catholic but had since stopped practicing Christianity and I was raised atheist.

I recently started feeling drawn to Christianity but I'm squarely on the fence regarding whether or not I should actually pursue it.

My current beliefs are rooted in atheism, + the exploration of non-abrahamic religions such as buddhism and modern paganism. At the risk of grossly oversimplifying things, these systems generally propose that the meaning of life is nothing, with some including the caveat that life can also be what you make of it. This sounds promising on paper, but honestly just feels spiritually void and in practice is meaningless (and that's the point). Sure I can do whatever I want, but I feel nothing. I feel drawn to a more organized life.

Then comes Christianity. On the one hand, the idea that there actually is a god, and that this god loves me and wants the best for me and even made great sacrifices for me, is great. Reading the New Testament makes me feel uplifted (usually). However, the political entanglement, abuse, and hypocrisy of the church is literally the least appealing thing possible. And it's not something you can really avoid either, controversial political stances are rife throughout the bible and core teachings of Christianity, and sometimes it feels like Christianity is literally thousands of years behind the times.

It feels like I can't have my cake (having an organized life) and eat it too (being free from the arbitrary rules that are inevitable with organized religions). Not eating the cake makes me feel starved for something I'm missing, but actually eating the cake makes me realize it doesn't even taste good but at least I am not starved. If atheism is unsatisfying, would Christianity change anything about that? I don't really feel drawn to any alternatives.

 

[iji]

Then comes Christianity. On the one hand, the idea that there actually is a god, and that this god loves me and wants the best for me and even made great sacrifices for me, is great. Reading the New Testament makes me feel uplifted (usually). However, the political entanglement, abuse, and hypocrisy of the church is literally the least appealing thing possible. And it's not something you can really avoid either, controversial political stances are rife throughout the bible and core teachings of Christianity, and sometimes it feels like Christianity is literally thousands of years behind the times.

God doesn't exist. It's a story people created for when they're feeling hopeless, lonely, or psychotic. Many aspects of religions like heaven rely on people's fear of harm or death (see Terror Management Theory), or unhapiness with life in general. It's a coping mechanism (which can have positive outcomes for our wellbeing, but you need to understand the psychology behind it to not fall victim of manipulation).

One main characteristic that makes us different from other primates is our ability to abstract. So people can create stories as a motivator for doing something they would not otherwise do. For example, wars were claimed to be God's wish because people would die/fight for that idea/story, not for someone's else interest who is perpetuating the story (a manipulator who understands human psychology/behavior). You can find this pattern throughout history, economy (money does not exist, it is an idea/story people created which everyone agrees on for it to work), marketing, so on. In contrast, try telling chimpanzees to go fight in a war for a God-like figure (spoiler: they won't).