i miss my brother

[pumpkins334234]

he CTB 2019/11/18 . he would be about 23 now. it's a weird feeling being older then he ever was. i hope he is at peace now. i think about him everyday. i know being alive was suffering for him and i'm happy that he isn't in pain anymore. but i miss him a lot and i can't help but think about if it was all different. what if we were never assaulted, what if he was never addicted to drugs. he was funny and not very kind sometimes. he liked death grips and i played skyrim with him when he was in the psych ward after his first attempt. he punched me in the face on my birthday one time. he was named after my granddad. i am trying hard not to forget about him.

i have dreams of him a lot where he is still alive, and in those dreams he is happy and healthy and we joke around just like we used to. sometimes i think about a joke nobody else would laugh at but him. i miss him. i hope with all my heart there is an afterlife where i can see him again.

i feel very guilty about his death. he was a lot smarter and more interesting then me. he had more confidence in himself amd more potential. i wish that it had been me instead.

 

[thedevilwithin]

i can feel your pain through your words. it's heartbreaking reading this. your brother sounds like an amazing person. also, just so you know these feelings you feel, they are real. it's energy that will never be destroyed. your brother returned to the universe his energy will always and forever be with you and vice versa, you will always be with him. never forget him and keep your amazing memories close.


psa. skyrim is fucking awesome lol.

 

[WaitingPatiently]

i feel very guilty about his death. he was a lot smarter and more interesting then me. he had more confidence in himself amd more potential. i wish that it had been me instead.

Please, don't blame yourself for what happened.
In being here, you are honoring his memory.

Sending my best wishes.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry for your loss. Don't feel guilty! Keep the memory of your brother in honor. I wish you all the best.

 

[dtkdave87]

Sorry for your loss, it's rally hard to deal with the loss of a loved one by cbt.
Definitely not your fault.

 

[fleetingnight]

Thank you for sharing some things about him with us. I think sort of memorializing people by talking/posting about them is a really nice thing to do.

I'm terribly sorry for your loss I know it doesn't help that much to hear this from a stranger, but you rlly aren't to blame at all.