BlueButterfly111
Digital Diary🦋
- Dec 26, 2024
- 339
I never understood the story of Romeo and Juliet until now. How you can have someone that you can't live without, it seemed like a silly story but now I understand it. Soulmates are real. I miss his magnetic, magical, electrical touch. I still feel his energy sometimes. I look back over our text messages, but a lot of times it's not enough.
I don't think he would've been able to continue living without me either, had it been the other way around, and I died first. But then that's the reason I feel guilt because I think his mental health crisis could've been because of me. (His car broke down a few days before he was shot by a police officer while he was having a mental health crisis.) I knew he was upset because he couldn't come see me that day, and I don't have a car, so I couldn't get to him either. I just tried to tell him that everything would be okay and that I loved him, when he called me the day his car broke down.
Nobody understands or cares about how much pain I'm in or what I'm going through. Sometimes I hate to even post about it online because it feels like "Omg there's the annoying girl who keeps bringing up her dead boyfriend again, I don't get it, no one cares." And I get it, there's not much someone can even say, but I just feel so alone.
I keep listening to romantic songs and daydreaming about being with him again. This last 7 months that he's been gone feels like a fever dream, like was he even real? I feel like we had this telepathic connection, and I can still feel his energy sometimes, but I'm not sure if it's just memories, or me actually feeling his spirit, or both. But it's still so painful to be without him physically.
When he was alive, he became my comfort person, and my happiness for almost a year. And I believe I was his as well, that's why it was so painful for us to even be away from each other for even a few days.
I'm just having one of those moments again with grief. I'm just missing him a lot and wanted to vent. I know there's nothing anyone can say to take the pain away, I just wanted to share my feelings. Thanks
I don't think he would've been able to continue living without me either, had it been the other way around, and I died first. But then that's the reason I feel guilt because I think his mental health crisis could've been because of me. (His car broke down a few days before he was shot by a police officer while he was having a mental health crisis.) I knew he was upset because he couldn't come see me that day, and I don't have a car, so I couldn't get to him either. I just tried to tell him that everything would be okay and that I loved him, when he called me the day his car broke down.
Nobody understands or cares about how much pain I'm in or what I'm going through. Sometimes I hate to even post about it online because it feels like "Omg there's the annoying girl who keeps bringing up her dead boyfriend again, I don't get it, no one cares." And I get it, there's not much someone can even say, but I just feel so alone.
I keep listening to romantic songs and daydreaming about being with him again. This last 7 months that he's been gone feels like a fever dream, like was he even real? I feel like we had this telepathic connection, and I can still feel his energy sometimes, but I'm not sure if it's just memories, or me actually feeling his spirit, or both. But it's still so painful to be without him physically.
When he was alive, he became my comfort person, and my happiness for almost a year. And I believe I was his as well, that's why it was so painful for us to even be away from each other for even a few days.
I'm just having one of those moments again with grief. I'm just missing him a lot and wanted to vent. I know there's nothing anyone can say to take the pain away, I just wanted to share my feelings. Thanks
