Oblivion Lover

Oblivion Lover

No life, no suffering
May 30, 2019
360
I know this is all of a sudden, but I've thought about it a lot these days and reached the conclusion that waiting for the opportunity to CTB by sodium nitrite in my birthday with a perfectly written note is an unfeasible goal considering my current state, and that trying to achieve it will only prolong this stupid life for more time I can bear, and that I should ctb at the first opportunity with whatever effective method there is if I really want to die. I have reached a point where I don't even care about how my body is going to look like, what "message" or symbolism my suicide will convey (too bad suicide prevention day is already over), or how I'll be remembered by the family. Honestly I think that's a good thing, after all nothing of that is going to matter once I'm dead, and I struggled for a long time to accept that.

With SN out of question for a quick ctb, I've done some research on other methods and finally found one that is suitable to me. If I'm going to ctb any soon it's going to be by a variation of the "old-fashioned way": hanging by partial suspension. I have all the supplies I need for free in my house, it's a very practical method, and a relatively peaceful one. There are a few concerns about it, as the damn seizures or noises I might make could wake up my parents sleeping next room, but as for any high-reward activity there's going to be some risk and I'm fine with that. I'm also fine with the discomfort caused by the process of hanging, and I already know my " sweet spot" for hanging so it will make things much easier. I think it is a totally worthy method to try if you have few options.

This thread might be or not a goodbye post. I'm still considering it as I look at the necktie with a slipknot that is tied around my bed's headboard while waiting for my parents to sleep to lessen the risk of being found and "saved". I once thought of leaving a note and even wrote one, but then I decided it's pointless. I prefer to come here and write some words saying goodbye to you internet strangers that I relate to, than to my parents. I wouldn't feel good leaving this world without coming here one last time and thanking this wonderful community. Also, I really needed to tell someone about it. If I don't come back here a few days after I stop replying, either I'm dead or a freaking vegetable. If it doesn't work or I give up on trying, I'll be back by tomorrow to rant about life again, though I doubt that will happen since I'm feeling reasonably calm and confident because of the diazepam I took and/or because I just want to get over it already.

Ok, so, to conclude this already long post, I'd like to thank the SS community for being so kind and receptive, and the admins and mods for maintaining such an important forum active. If it weren't for this site I'd already have done something not very well thought that would have left me either physically or mentally disabled or just miserable for many years to come. I'm not going to say goodbye right now as I'm still going to wait a few hours before I try to ctb just to be sure but I'm writing this in advance. Please pardon me for any grammar or writing errors in this post. My inattention level is over 9000 with this damn ADD and diazepam combined.
 
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BobbyPellitt

BobbyPellitt

Leap of Faith
Sep 4, 2019
83
Good luck brother, whatever option you choose.
 
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Oblivion Lover

Oblivion Lover

No life, no suffering
May 30, 2019
360
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Oblivion Lover

Oblivion Lover

No life, no suffering
May 30, 2019
360
wish i knew my sweetspot, think I don't have one
Sorry to hear that. I had trouble finding mine as well. Took almost a hour. I'm sure everyone have one, though.
 
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b12ruinedme

Member
Sep 1, 2019
50
Sorry to hear that. I had trouble finding mine as well. Took almost a hour. I'm sure everyone have one, though.
I hear people saying right above the adams apple, right believe the jaw... I've tried them all. Is my neck to thick, are my arteries too deep? idk. When you trie personally, are you still able to breathe when putting pressure? It's making me so desperate that I want to go full suspension now, but i'd rather not do that because if my carotid arterie doesn't close, i will suffer + more weight on the rope. I've managed to pass out once its partial a long time ago but got back up just after it went black. Felt a warm rush to my face and the day after I had red spots all over my face. Can never reproduce that feeling now... so strange.
Sorry to hear that. I had trouble finding mine as well. Took almost a hour. I'm sure everyone have one, though.
Kind of makes you feel like a fool when you see people die ''by accident'' from this lol
 
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ImSorryEmma

ImSorryEmma

Skylar
Mar 28, 2019
107
Good luck man may you find the peace you deserve.
Also...
CTB by sodium nitrite in my birthday
Im planning to CTB on my birthday too although my method is either N if it arrives before my birthday or a gun i snuck into my room if that doesnt work, i i dont want to hang myself as i am to scared to fail and become a vegtable
too bad suicide prevention day is already over
I know it would be very ironic to CTB on this day, but i believe September is teen suicide awareness month or something like that so theres that still
 
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Oblivion Lover

Oblivion Lover

No life, no suffering
May 30, 2019
360
I hear people saying right above the adams apple, right believe the jaw... I've tried them all. Is my neck to thick, are my arteries too deep? idk. When you trie personally, are you still able to breathe when putting pressure? It's making me so desperate that I want to go full suspension now, but i'd rather not do that because if my carotid arterie doesn't close, i will suffer + more weight on the rope. I've managed to pass out once its partial a long time ago but got back up just after it went black. Felt a warm rush to my face and the day after I had red spots all over my face. Can never reproduce that feeling now... so strange.

Kind of makes you feel like a fool when you see people die ''by accident'' from this lol
Yeah. I envy those who die from autoerotic asphyxiation or those silly choking games. When I try to compress my carotid arteries I am able to breathe totally fine. It must be easier for me to find the arteries because I'm skinny as heck. I don't think I would ever be able to go full suspension. It seems much scarier. Anyway, I hope you can find your ideal method.
Good luck man may you find the peace you deserve.
Also...

Im planning to CTB on my birthday too although my method is either N if it arrives before my birthday or a gun i snuck into my room if that doesnt work, i i dont want to hang myself as i am to scared to fail and become a vegtable

I know it would be very ironic to CTB on this day, but i believe September is teen suicide awareness month or something like that so theres that still
Oh, I heard about that. It's called "yellow september" in my country. A little bit less ironic than ctb on suicide prevention day but still okay, I guess. I am scared of the possibility of becoming a vegetable too, but honestly it seems worth the risk in my case. You're lucky to have access to a gun or N and to have the patience to wait for your birthday. It's a very symbolically significant move if you're suicidal. As always, thanks for the support. Thanks everyone for that.

I'm going to prepare myself for it now. The necktie is correctly tied up and wet with soap as recommended, and the support is sturdy and will hold my weight. Now I'm going to listen to one last song, take a last look here, delete my device data and then try to delete myself. Thanks everyone for your support. It's very important. Even though I didn't knew you guys personally, I could relate to all of you more than any person around me. Goodbye to all and good luck with your choices. Please wish me luck!
 
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Oblivion Lover

Oblivion Lover

No life, no suffering
May 30, 2019
360
Update: I failed miserably. I couldn't pass out no matter how much pressure I've applied. I spent more than five hours trying and couldn't get it right. Now I've got a huge red mark on my neck, my face is covered in blood dots and I can't undo the slipknot in the necktie. I should've known this method was bound to fail. Sorry for wasting your time. This is embarrassing.
 
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Rocksandsand

Rocksandsand

Specialist
May 26, 2019
396
Gah @Oblivion Lover I see you're banned, but I do hope you're okay x
 
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Astral316

Astral316

Specialist
Aug 26, 2019
332
A rope would be better than a necktie, no? Also the headboard of a bed might be too low for an anchor point.

I wouldn't give up on partial, method is timeless.
 

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