i might give up recovery

[ambivalent_thespian]

i've been promoting self improvement for years. saying that it's simple shifts in thinking that can at least marginally help your situation. but now i feel i want to double back on all of it

over the past month or so i hit some hard times, and virtually no one wanted to help, even when i go out of my way to be nice or helpful for them. i know im not necessarily owed anything and i made those decisions of my own free will but it seems no one cares abt me in the slightest? unless i'm performing well on stage and academically, and that's no way to live your life. i have never, *never* known unconditional love, and i feel that is no way to exist.

i feel like i'm a failed person. i don't even know if im real if im not perceived . do i even exist on a metaphysical level? am i just an idea or metaphor? everything i do means nothing and i don't matter to anyone.

so why recover if i have nothing to recover for?

 

[human909]

Whatever pass you choose i hope you find peace soon, and everything works out well.

 

[BlackEyedDog]

Don't go out of your way to be nice or helpful. Unless it really gives you some comfort, pleasure or meaning by doing so irrespective of getting back. Learn from that and choose more carefully. Being nice is not the same thing as being good. Nice can be a pretty good disguise for some awful people. There are many people who just take, and will gladly consume your time, love, energy. Unconditional love can be hard to find but I do think it's out there and that you deserve it and that you will find it.

I think it's helpful to remember that on some level every action we take is because we hope to get something out of it. Helping others might make us feel good. We might help to gain favor or we may do it irrespective of getting something in return. We avoid something's because we don't want to feel bad. We do something's because we don't want to suffer the consequences. Even the mundane things like brushing our teeth so as not to get cavities. This all may sound obvious or silly but it's to emphasize that we can choose to do and not do. When we our better at loving ourselves, we tend to be better at giving unconditional love. And also finding unconditional love. My rando advice is it helps when learn at getting better at reading and choosing. Fuck those who only took and do not see you. They are not your people. Do not give up, change it up.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's likely possible to make changes for the better. As you termed it, shifts in thinking to slightly improve our situation. I definitely think you need drive/ ambition/ will to keep doing that though- because it requires so much effort.

Maybe cynical to say but, I don't think it's reliable to put so much faith or hope in other people to help if I'm honest. Or rather, it's maybe better to make sure those people are the sort to truly care, rather than 'fair weather friends'.

I have a horrible suspicion that it's safer to look inwards for strength and resolve rather than outwards- unfortunately. Which can feel especially brutal when you feel like you have no strength left.