I might do it today

[DyingToDie123]

Today's the day I've been planning for. I've chickened out every other time so I might do so again, but I'm going to go to the bridge and see if I can get myself to do it.

It's kinda sad, my mom was talking to me about things to do with my dog this weekend. She has no clue. Even though I feel like I've shut down completely.

Leaving for "the bar" (i.e. bridge) at 10pm Eastern, may send updates.

 

[feuerflieger]

please dont see the other times as a fail. there might be something you want to do before leaving for good, even if you cant grasp it at this point. a proper goodbye perhaps.
maybe im totally off but either way i wish you all the best.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Today's the day I've been planning for. I've chickened out every other time so I might do so again, but I'm going to go to the bridge and see if I can get myself to do it.

It's kinda sad, my mom was talking to me about things to do with my dog this weekend. She has no clue. Even though I feel like I've shut down completely.

Leaving for "the bar" (i.e. bridge) at 10pm Eastern, may send updates.

I'm a jumper as well. I hope whatever you decide that it goes well. If you "chicken out" again we'll still be here. SI for jumping is a tough one. Many of us have to attempt multiple times before we go through with it. Good luck my friend.

 

[DyingToDie123]

I'm a jumper as well. I hope whatever you decide that it goes well. If you "chicken out" again we'll still be here. SI for jumping is a tough one. Many of us have to attempt multiple times before we go through with it. Good luck my friend.

yes I was excited to see you in my alerts lol! The comradery of fellow jumpers!

I so badly wish we could ask the people who did it how they managed. I might get a Long Island Iced Tea before. Either that or just think about all the wrongs* done to me lately and how badly I've wanted this.

*not the best word because I probably deserved them

 

[zel]

I'll be here watching and I will remain available if you want to talk. Blessings,

 

[Lookoutbelow]

yes I was excited to see you in my alerts lol! The comradery of fellow jumpers!

I so badly wish we could ask the people who did it how they managed. I might get a Long Island Iced Tea before. Either that or just think about all the wrongs* done to me lately and how badly I've wanted this.

*not the best word because I probably deserved them

I am definitely drinking before hand. I am starting to really disassociate, so hopefully I can convince myself it is just a dream and I'm jumping to wake myself up. I will follow along tonight the best I can. Whatever you want to talk about leading up to the actual event. I will respond as quickly as possible. I wish you well on your journey.

 

[hibikikyuxx]

I wish you good luck and peace, no matter what you end up doing.

 

[DyingToDie123]

I'll be here watching and I will remain available if you want to talk. Blessings,

Whatever you want to talk about leading up to the actual event. I will respond as quickly as possible.

You both are great, thank you!

 

[dospi1]

Im sorry it has come to this, im hopefull youll find the peace you are hoping for, the very best luck to you brave soul i tried jumping to and i just froze in the ledge, if anything goes wrong well be here

 

[dizzdesi]

Hello whatever you decide to do, I hope that you're happy with your decision and it brings you peace of mind. If you're truly ready to ctb, try to take it easy on yourself...be kind to yourself. Maybe get a tasty snack? Listen to your favorite music on the drive? Anyway, I'm wishing you the best x

 

[hi-okbye]

i'm sorry for whatever happened that made you come to this point. i hope you find peace

 

[LifeisDark]

I hope you find the peace you are looking for that you could not find in this lifetime. Best of wishes

 

[bridgegirl]

yes I was excited to see you in my alerts lol! The comradery of fellow jumpers!

I so badly wish we could ask the people who did it how they managed. I might get a Long Island Iced Tea before. Either that or just think about all the wrongs* done to me lately and how badly I've wanted this.

*not the best word because I probably deserved them

Add me to that list.. haha

 

[Lookoutbelow]

You both are great, thank you!

No problem. We all need support when we think our time has come.

 

[DyingToDie123]

I'm at the train now to travel to the bridge. I said a nonchalant goodbye to my mom. I had to try not to cry saying goodbye to my dog. He's going through separation anxiety training right now and he has a safety toy that we put by the door when I leave to signal that it's safe here and I'm coming back. I might not come back.

I was also crying on the walk here for no reason. I've been so numb about this and I think it's all starting to hit me, what I'm doing.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

I'm at the train now to travel to the bridge. I said a nonchalant goodbye to my mom. I had to try not to cry saying goodbye to my dog. He's going through separation anxiety training right now and he has a safety toy that we put by the door when I leave to signal that it's safe here and I'm coming back. I might not come back.

I was also crying on the walk here for no reason. I've been so numb about this and I think it's all starting to hit me, what I'm doing.

I'm here

 

[undecided]

I'm at the train now to travel to the bridge. I said a nonchalant goodbye to my mom. I had to try not to cry saying goodbye to my dog. He's going through separation anxiety training right now and he has a safety toy that we put by the door when I leave to signal that it's safe here and I'm coming back. I might not come back.

I was also crying on the walk here for no reason. I've been so numb about this and I think it's all starting to hit me, what I'm doing.

I don't think you're ready for this, but I don't know you, so probably shouldn't comment. I wish you well with whatever you decide.

 

[XdragonsoulX]

I wish you the best on your journey to the other side

 

[DyingToDie123]

I don't think you're ready for this, but I don't know you, so probably shouldn't comment. I wish you well with whatever you decide.

You very well might be right, but a little practice can't hurt ;)

 

[cheese.out]

Hey, we are there for you!
And ofc if you decide to live on for a bit longer we will greet u with open arms (and some cookies :3)
However you decide - my soul reaches out to you!

 

[DyingToDie123]

Alcohol in system. Not much. At the bridge. I don't think I can do it today. I don't want it badly enough. I hate myself for that.

Gonna do a few laps just in case
I don't think I can do it. I wasn't destined to be a bridge jumper. Maybe I'll OD when my mom leaves. I'm trying not to sob. I wish I was brave.

 

[DyingToDie123]

I don't think I can do it. I wasn't destined to be a bridge jumper. Maybe I'll OD when my mom leaves. I'm trying not to sob. I wish I was brave.

I kept meaning to add this as a new post but on mobile it kept just editing the previous post with this instead.

Anyway, I'm alive. I might try tomorrow. But I'd hate to disappoint myself again.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

I kept meaning to add this as a new post but on mobile it kept just editing the previous post with this instead.

Anyway, I'm alive. I might try tomorrow. But I'd hate to disappoint myself again.

Welcome back to the world of miserable living.

 

[cheese.out]

I kept meaning to add this as a new post but on mobile it kept just editing the previous post with this instead.

Anyway, I'm alive. I might try tomorrow. But I'd hate to disappoint myself again.

Dont be so hard on yourself - ctb is a hell of a act especially because of SI so its totally ok that u are still here and as many users already said: we will support you with whatever decision you make. Sometimes our body still wants us here but one day we all will be free

 

[Coffeehead]

I have gone to my spot multiple times and couldn't do it, it's totally understandable and you aren't a failure

I kept meaning to add this as a new post but on mobile it kept just editing the previous post with this instead.

Anyway, I'm alive. I might try tomorrow. But I'd hate to disappoint myself again.

 

[bridgegirl]

I have gone to my spot multiple times and couldn't do it, it's totally understandable and you aren't a failure

Same.

Alcohol in system. Not much. At the bridge. I don't think I can do it today. I don't want it badly enough. I hate myself for that.

Gonna do a few laps just in case
I don't think I can do it. I wasn't destined to be a bridge jumper. Maybe I'll OD when my mom leaves. I'm trying not to sob. I wish I was brave.

It's normal to feel like a failure after a failed attempt. I have been there as well, several times now. For what it's worth, I think you do have a lot of bravery - it's just in a different way than you envisioned, but that doesn't make it less brave.

 

[FuneralCry]

The jumping method sounds terrifying to me, I hate how it's not more straightforward to die, people shouldn't have to struggle so much to leave this existence. But anyway best wishes.

 

[DyingToDie123]

I was thinking about doing it today, I had another excuse to go out (another Taylor Swift listening party lol) but it was in the opposite direction of the bridge, I was insecure about what I was wearing and didn't want to be found like that, and made a bunch of other stupid excuses.

Tomorrow I was invited to a halloween party closer to the bridge. I don't think I'll have the guts but I want to try anyway. I feel so much urgency that every day I don't do it feels like a failure. Another day I let the people who ruined my life win.

 

[Limerance]

I was thinking about doing it today, I had another excuse to go out (another Taylor Swift listening party lol) but it was in the opposite direction of the bridge, I was insecure about what I was wearing and didn't want to be found like that, and made a bunch of other stupid excuses.

Tomorrow I was invited to a halloween party closer to the bridge. I don't think I'll have the guts but I want to try anyway. I feel so much urgency that every day I don't do it feels like a failure. Another day I let the people who ruined my life win.

Not going through with CTB isn't a failure, man. Forget whatever people say about it being the easy way out. Both living with the suffering and ending everything require the same amount of courage.

Worst case scenario: you don't do it and are forcerd to learn how to be happy. Both have their own merits.

 

[bridgegirl]

I was thinking about doing it today, I had another excuse to go out (another Taylor Swift listening party lol) but it was in the opposite direction of the bridge, I was insecure about what I was wearing and didn't want to be found like that, and made a bunch of other stupid excuses.

Tomorrow I was invited to a halloween party closer to the bridge. I don't think I'll have the guts but I want to try anyway. I feel so much urgency that every day I don't do it feels like a failure. Another day I let the people who ruined my life win.

Well, I disagree with that last part - they definitely don't win if you ctb. They don't win, or lose - they are nothing.

I related to what you said about what you were wearing. On my last attempt, I had those thoughts too. It struck me while I agonized that my outfit was all wrong. I hadn't prepared well. Some people might dismiss that sort of thing, but it's funny what your mind will latch onto when you're in distress.