Ive been suicidal for some years now, because my mother damaged me very badly, and then ignored me and left me like that
For years, I begged for help, and for years, she either ignored me or argued and damaged me more
This started around 2015, and I didn't drink anything until New Years Eve 2019
The decade was ending, and I was still in the same place
So getting drunk started to seem like an option
My life and health had already been destroyed, so what the hell
I had 2 beers and a little tub of liquor just as the new decade started
A few minutes later I stood up, and it was like I was in another dimension
It was like I was in heaven
It was like a lucid dream
I could do anything, and everything was fine
I ran around the neighbourhood in my dressing gown, and some pathetic moron called the police on me
Anyway, after this, I started to get drunk more and more regularly
By the summer of 2020, I was drinking 10 beers in a day, 1 day a week
I could never stop until I passed out, but I never drank every day
Nowadays, I drink about a fifth of whiskey, about 1 or 2 days a week
I sometimes get a burning sensation in my lower right side now
Maybe when I start drinking and can't stop, its because i'm unconsciously trying to commit suicide
For years, I begged for help, and for years, she either ignored me or argued and damaged me more
This started around 2015, and I didn't drink anything until New Years Eve 2019
The decade was ending, and I was still in the same place
So getting drunk started to seem like an option
My life and health had already been destroyed, so what the hell
I had 2 beers and a little tub of liquor just as the new decade started
A few minutes later I stood up, and it was like I was in another dimension
It was like I was in heaven
It was like a lucid dream
I could do anything, and everything was fine
I ran around the neighbourhood in my dressing gown, and some pathetic moron called the police on me
Anyway, after this, I started to get drunk more and more regularly
By the summer of 2020, I was drinking 10 beers in a day, 1 day a week
I could never stop until I passed out, but I never drank every day
Nowadays, I drink about a fifth of whiskey, about 1 or 2 days a week
I sometimes get a burning sensation in my lower right side now
Maybe when I start drinking and can't stop, its because i'm unconsciously trying to commit suicide
