Lo$t95
Hello Darkness my old Friend
- Jul 16, 2024
- 84
Spent Christmas alone drinking heavily. I always have a warm shower then reach for Southern Comfort and Coca Cola (always been my go-to). Go through a bottle in a sitting just listening to music and playing chess online, sometimes I draw pictures of women who look unique or beautiful to me. This is my average night - I interact with the outside world as little as possible.
Really got into a bad habit since Christmas of waking up and going straight back to drinking. Like during the day when I usually just get stuff done out of necessity. This hasn't been good for me at all. I wake up with random cuts, bruises and zero memory of the last 12+ hours of my life. I completely blackout. My body feels like it's dying and suffering from alcohol poisoning most of the time.
I never usually call anyone but on New Years I did and I said a lot of stuff I shouldn't have to people who were in my life in the past. I have zero recollection of why I did this or even what specifically I said in those 5 minute phone calls.
Apparently I made some threats and lashed out a lot at people who hurt me in the past. I am now paranoid about possibly being questioned by police or sectioned because I mentioned specifics about my CTB plans. This was one hell of a fuck up on my part I usually hold my emotions very close to my chest and keep my mouth shut as a reflex. I feel claustrophobic and humiliated by my mistakes.
2024 was officially the worst year of my life. I have so many bad memories from it and reached a whole new level of self-hatred. 2025 is finally here and I am not even going to attempt to fight through it.
Thanks for reading
Really got into a bad habit since Christmas of waking up and going straight back to drinking. Like during the day when I usually just get stuff done out of necessity. This hasn't been good for me at all. I wake up with random cuts, bruises and zero memory of the last 12+ hours of my life. I completely blackout. My body feels like it's dying and suffering from alcohol poisoning most of the time.
I never usually call anyone but on New Years I did and I said a lot of stuff I shouldn't have to people who were in my life in the past. I have zero recollection of why I did this or even what specifically I said in those 5 minute phone calls.
Apparently I made some threats and lashed out a lot at people who hurt me in the past. I am now paranoid about possibly being questioned by police or sectioned because I mentioned specifics about my CTB plans. This was one hell of a fuck up on my part I usually hold my emotions very close to my chest and keep my mouth shut as a reflex. I feel claustrophobic and humiliated by my mistakes.
2024 was officially the worst year of my life. I have so many bad memories from it and reached a whole new level of self-hatred. 2025 is finally here and I am not even going to attempt to fight through it.
Thanks for reading