I love you, but i hate you mom

[nkdvvv]

I have an amazing mother. Yet, i still can't stop the underlying feeling of hatred i feel towards her.

She has given her whole life to raise me and help me, but i still feel hatred towards her for giving birth to me.

Since i was born, me and my mother never really connected as mother and daughter. It started from the first moment she tried to feed me a bottle and i wouldn't take it from her, and only took it from my grandmother. The hospital staff would ask for my grandmother to come to the hospital and feed me because i wouldn't let my mother feed me.

Throughout life, i never felt a deep connection towards my mother. I love her, but never felt the deep bond i feel a mother and daughter are supposed to have.

I struggled mentally throughout my whole life, and my mom did everything in her power to help me, yet i'm still mentally ill and suicidal no matter how much she's tried to help.

I'm a horrible fit for her as a daughter. I'm undeserving to have her as a mother.

And yet, no matter how great a mother she is- i still feel resentment and hatred towards her.

We just weren't the right fit.

 

[casual_existence]

Unfortunately these sorts of things happen. Even a mother can hate a child. Some can bear with it and others throw 'em in a dumpster. Don't feel too bad but do take responsibility. Distance yourself if you think it could lead to some sort of harm to her or yourself (mental or physical) and live your life at a distance.
If you already know this well I hope you can live a good life or have a peaceful death.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

There's nothing to feel bad about. Sometimes people feel resentment towards others for things despite caring about them.

I love my mother and I know she sacrificed a lot for me growing up but I still resent her to some degree. While I do think we have a typical mother-daughter relationship it's not as deep as the one I have with my father and that has caused her quite a bit of pain.

While I do understand that part of my resentment, the part that extents to both her and my father, is as a result of them deciding to have, I still fully understand the other parts of it. There have been some kerfuffles in the past that have largely factored into it, but I wouldn't say they were traumatic or had much of an impact on me growing so I'm unsure as to why they bother me so much to the point in causing me to feel this way.

At the end of the day, you can't really control who you do or do not resent and hate. You aren't always going to have a super deep bond with those around you, including family. There is nothing to be ashamed about. So long as you love your mother and you feel as though she loves you too, then all is well. You are allowed to resentment and hatred towards people who you love and care about and who love and care about you. We all resent and hate everyone around us to some degree, whether it be a persistent feeling or one that comes and goes.

 

[nkdvvv]

Unfortunately these sorts of things happen. Even a mother can hate a child. Some can bear with it and others throw 'em in a dumpster. Don't feel too bad but do take responsibility. Distance yourself if you think it could lead to some sort of harm to her or yourself (mental or physical) and live your life at a distance.
If you already know this well I hope you can live a good life or have a peaceful death

Unfortunately in my situation, whether i live close to my mother or distance myself, it still causes her harm either way. If i tell her my honest feelings, it causes her distress. If i distance myself she feels distress in another way. There's no way to cause her less pain other than to be happy, which i'll never be due to my mental illness. And thank you. I hope soon i will have a peaceful passing.